I stay there, staring at my reflection,
Months have passed,
Suddenly, I am watching the stars on a clear sky,
far, from the city lights.
Little dots have formed all over my face,
kisses from Helios on my arms.
Every one so peculiar,
a multitude of stories to tell.
Never shall I though explore those.
Destined forever I am, to wonder if any of our freckles match,
Questioning if our stories should ever coincide again.
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139,029 Literary Works • 672,398 Reviews
Hellooo!!! Hop here!!! Please give me some grace, I am not very good at reviewing bit in shall try my very best!!! Thank you for understanding! Now, onto the review!!!
Okay... This is giving such hopeless romantic energy and I live for it (I guess my username already points that out lol) I love the thought of matching freckles means soulmates!! It feels like fate at its finest!!!! I find that so adorable!!!
I love how you compare freckles to sun kisses. It really makes it feel dreamy! Like not a care in the world. I adore it.
I really have nothing negative to say about this lovely poem so....
Please keep up the good work! Stay amazing!!!!!!!!!!!!
Love,
Hop
Hello! Thank you for the review. I am also a hopeless romantic for life haha.
Ayyyyy join the club (actually I believe there is a club for hopeless romantics on here lol)
Ayyyyy join the club (actually I believe there is a club for hopeless romantics on here lol)
Hey there!! I'n here to give you a review on this lovely poem in honor of Review Day and Team Cowfolk!
First of all, I adore this concept. The idea of fate and how you meet people that come in and out of your life is so well executed here. You've also got a lovely poetic voice, with a lot of description that works well!
One little critique I have is that the first sentence just seems very long. I think you could separate it into two sentences, with the first one ending at "reflection". This could give a punch to the beginning of the piece!
I also think you don't need the comma after "far"--the line would flow better without it.
Finally, the third-to-last line (starting with "never") doesn't really make sense and isn't grammatically correct. Perhaps you could tweak it to this--
Your last lines PACK. A. PUNCH. It definitely captures that feeling of never knowing when you'll see someone again, if any of your stories will intersect. And you will always wonder!!
Overall, I definitely enjoyed this poem--it was beautiful. Keep writing!
<3, daisy
Hey, thank you so much for the review. And thanks for the technical critique, I will definitely edit the poem a little.
Hey Anastasiastint, this is Alex. I found this poem in the Green Room and thought I'd review it. So let's dive right in.
A single word for a title commands the reader's attention and pulls them in. Great simple hook. It perfectly captures the gist of the narrative.
I believe the stars here are a metaphor for protagonist's freckles. Not sure if that was intentional, but the implied similarity is astoundingly poetic!
I like how you paint the picture that each freckle is unique. Also, them being a symbol of Sun's kisses? That's such a creative imagery, colour me impressed. I like the thought of the freckles being memories of past beautiful moments that the protagonist has lived through, so original.
The contrast in this line is quite striking. It's like the protagonist doesn't want to revisit the past, for all that lies in it is the tale of a love, that once was. They're aware that if they explore those stories, they'll be pulled in a cycle of reminiscing and missing their lover, who isn't by their side anymore.
These closing lines have got to be my favourite. Matching freckles between lovers sounds like such a strong sign of intertwined fate. Yet, the protagonist is surrounded by doubts if they'd ever really know if their freckles indeed, do match or not. Their paths seem to be diverging and they're not sure if they'd meet their lover again, so heartbreaking.
Overall, it's a shattering yet lovely poem. Amazing structure, I couldn't find anything that could use my suggestions so keep it up! I found the tone to be surprisingly melodic. The vibe is hazy as it involves recalling a former love. It depicts the protagonist lost in thought of their past lover, wondering if their freckles matched- an undisputed sign of true love. Perhaps the kisses of Sun that gave them those freckles painfully reminds the protagonist of how their lover used to kiss them, stirring up buried memories. Despite months having been passed, the memories of their love still replays in the protagonist's mind. It keeps the hope of their paths crossing again in their aching heart, alive. The words sound so personal and honest in their sufferring, making the piece very raw yet fresh.
A totally worthwhile read. I could feel the hurt through the screen, very well written. It was an absolute pleasure to review, hope to read more from you in the future.
Regards
Alex
Thank you so much for the review. I really enjoyed reading it. The line about stars was indeed intentional. <3