If love will make you do crazy things, then… what about fear?
That crazy little feeling that tells you something bad is near…
I often wonder… do we really understand the power of fright?
Something that’s stronger than things that go bump in the night.
What happens when you are faced with an unbearable choice?
When you’re so lost and confused, you can’t even find your own voice.
You know to take one path, will lead to certain pain.
But, if you stay where you are, there is nothing you can gain.
Maybe the greatest fear is that of the unknown.
Or maybe… the greatest fear is of being alone.
For every single person, it will be different.
It is up to you to decide how your courage will be spent.
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,856 Reviews
Hey Amber!
And... um... I like to overthink things. Sorry in advance!
So, kudos for you for dealing with such a topic!
Okay, so, this is going to be mostly a content review... I hope you don't mind!
Now, I kind of adore your idea and the fact that you are looking at fear as a primary motivator for what we do in life. It's really fantastic... in fact, it kind of reminds me of C.S. Lewis's first words in "A Grief Observed" where he says, "I never knew grief felt so much like fear." Fear is such a pivotal emotion, isn't it?
Now, as far as the way that you dealt with it... one thing that I noticed is that you don't really delve into what this fear is like and how it changes people. In fact, this poem seems a bit on the preachy side. So, I think if you slowed down a little bit and tackled this issue head-on, it would seem better. You listed a number of situations where one could find fear. In fact, each stanza (save for the first and the last) could be described as such. However, each stanza could actually be made into entire poems that dealt with that one concept exclusively. Boggles the mind, right?
Here's something else that boggles the mind... you said this:
However, you'll find that, the more specific you are on what one feels about fear, the more people will agree with you and say, "Yes! That's exactly my thoughts! How did this poet get in my brain?" And this reason why that is is because humans are humans and even though we may be different... for example, we might be afraid of different things... we still have many of the same responses toward fear. For instance, I am afraid of ladders. I don't know whether you have the same fear -- my sister laughs at me for it, so I assume this is a kind of individualistic fear. Anyway, you might laugh at the fear, but when I describe how I hesitate and how my eyes widen and my palms get balmy and how I cling to the ladder, trying to think about anything but, you realize that you, even though you may not share the same fear as I do, share fear with me in the same way.
...does this make sense?
Okay... um... I am starting to babble.
I want to babble a little bit on one more thing. Basically, you had two concepts put forward... fear vs. courage. And, I don't think you really talked about the latter very much, except for the end, but I think you should really bring it up more. After all, this highlights the choice that we all have and illustrates your examples so much more clearly.
And besides... as Mumford and Sons would say: "And you have your choices/ And these are what make man great/ His ladder to the stars."
Hope that was helpful! Sorry for the babbling. ^^;; If you want to ask any questions, feel free to shoot me a PM!
Here I was, prepared to review, and I think I'm just going to comment. This was a fantastic poem. I really liked the topic, mostly because that topic isn't explored that often. I haven't come across many fear poems. It was a nice refresh.
Anyway, Loved it!
~Drama
Thank you for the review! I rather needed it, and it was quite helpful. I tend to write straight from emotion, and have the problem of reading what "I thought I wrote." instead of what's actually there. This site is helpful in that department thanks to people like you who review. So again, thanks!
Hello Amberla,
I thought it was cute there in the beginning, the use of 'bump in the night' which reminds me of a lot of childhood fears, and the end I especially liked.
I actually quite like the poem. The message was real clear and I liked the direction it went
The middle is a bit muddled here and there because it draws on this superfluous quality. There's nothing really there to keep me grounded, it almost serves as a transition from your beginning question to your ending point. Some of the lines I also thought were a bit forced, almost as though you're trying to find words to stick in the middle so that it can rhyme correctly.
Even though your rhymes are flawless, your internal rhythm and beat is off. Try to read it out loud to yourself, see if you find any places where you trip up on the words, or where the lines run a little too long, or else a little too short.
Also remember your word choice. Almost always, when you're writing poetry, it is usually better to be more specific than to be vague and general. Specific imagery sticks to mind and resonates with people a lot better. Get rid of your abstractions and your meaningless words.
What "things" are you talking about here? Why not say monsters? Or even better, be more specific. What kind of monsters? Paint a picture. And can you paint a picture in two or three words? In one of my poems, I described a worm as a pink, headless fighter. In another, I described a thumbtack as a plastic woman in a corset. The important thing is to be creative and have fun with it.
I hope this helps.
~ as always, Audy