~ 2o67 March 24 ~
Words on paper will change absolutely nothing, registering the weight on my shoulders, not for anyone else, just for my own damn sanity.
Clarke made it clear that we didn't really save the world or our people. But at the time, when we stopped Allie, I really believed I was doing the right thing for my people. Why do I constantly refer to them as "my people"?
I am not a leader, I am not a shining example to follow. I don't think I can shake the guilt of having helped kill an army of three thousand earthlings sent to protect us. I was so caught up in it all that I didn't realise we weren't under attack. I guess I'll have to live with that blood on my hands. Even my own sister, Octavia, won't even look me in the eye, she tells me I no longer exist for her. I made a promise to my mother before she was taken away: "My sister, my responsibility". And now I've messed it all up and lost her completely.
That AI, Allie, believed she was freeing people from pain by forcing them to take the chip. She called the place the chip was taking them to, the City of Light, a place without pain or worry. But who calls that freedom? To forget the faces of your loved ones, the memories, the happy times shared with them, all in exchange for temporary relief from the burdens of life and the anguish of their deaths. Stopping Allie meant that everyone's pain would return. It would give them the choice to kill or be killed. We would again be at war with the Grounders, not to mention the Ice Nation, as both leaders met their end at the hands of my people, the Skaikru.
It is a harsh reality to face, but at least we have a world to live in, unlike the confined space of a spaceship where people float for lack of oxygen. On Earth, oxygen is free. The choices we make have their own consequences.
The struggle to balance our survival and the consequences of our actions is a never-ending battle. But I must continue to protect my people, even if that means making decisions that may have unintended consequences.
On Earth there is one rule and one rule only.
Die or fight to live.
Nothing else.
~~~
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125,021 Literary Works • 672,742 Reviews
i havent watched any of the show this is written about, but i understand a fair bit about the plot. i see the elements of it in here, but i cant say much.
without knowing much about the character, i can emphasize with him when reading this. thats always a good factor. the moral dilemmas & feelings of guilt experienced are conveyed very clearly. i did a tiny bit of research on bellamy after i read this & your voice here feels consistent with him as a character.
while his inner conflict is well described, id consider showing more of his emotions through actions. although it is a diary entry, there is a lot of potential to expand on him. this could make readers feel even more connected to him & could possibly bring in fans of the show. as its said: show, dont tell.
building off of that, more descriptive imagery could benefit you. i dont have a good sense of the setting & surroundings. youre constricted due to the diary entry writing style, but there is wiggle room in everything.
im not into fanfiction, but i liked this. it gave me a new perspective on a show i dont know much about. perhaps i will check it out now.
envy
Thank you so much for this review. It was very informative and sweet. I will definitly keep your improvements in mind!
I will surely tag you when I have more about this story.
Yesss!!! You should absolutely check out the show, it is long, but awesome. The ending is so ...I am not spoiling it.
Thanks again,
Rinisha
Hey Rinisha, Icy here for a quick review this evening!
I haven't watched that much of the 100 (maybe a couple of scenes here and there) so I can't tell how much of this is true to story and in character, so I'll keep my commentary to just what I'm reading here.
I think the narrative voice comes through really strongly here. Sometimes I think the benefit of using fanfiction to practice writing is that you don't have to worry about creating characters and settings so you can just focus on technique and storytelling. This piece was clear and concise and Bellamy's character has a very distinct way of talking!
I'd love for you to carry some of this over into your original work too - I find it's sometimes hard to create distinct characters so ones like this work really well in a story!
Hope this helped.
Icy
Hey Icy,
Your reviews are always so sweet and full of improvement tips, I love them. I am grateful for the critism, I appriciate it.
You definitly helped a lot!
Rinisha