Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for mature content.
The Sea Witch of Atlantica
“Retelling of The Little Mermaid”
Ursula is a mermaid princess and the twin sister of King Triton. She has long beautiful blond hair and a shiny tail. Ever since she was young, she dreamt of working with powers, she had no knowledge of one of them being dark magic. She saw it as a way of understanding the impossible.
Ursula and her best friend, Attina used to sneak around the palace all of the time to explore the oceans and find new things to understand. This meant that Attina spent a lot of time around Ursula’s brother, Triton, too. This carried on until Attina got married to Triton.
Attina had a blessed life with Triton along with Seven daughters. One the day of the youngest, Ariel’s third birthday. Ursula came to visit Attina and asked how things were.
Attina complained a little, “I miss the adventure.”
Ursula completely understood her and told her about her secret lover who lived 50 Kilometres away from the palace. Attina asked Triton for permission to leave the castle once lying that they were going sunbathing near the beach and that she would return immediately after with his sister.
King Triton agreed and told Ursula to look after her well. Ursula agreed and as they were on the way to Ursula’s secret, they suddenly heard honking. Both of them went up and there they saw a beautiful ship.
But the beauty didn’t last long, a net was thrown and Ursula didn’t see it. Attina pushed her out of the way and the net fell on her, capturing her. Ursula couldn’t do anything to stop it, so she rushed to Triton for help. As Triton came back with her, he noticed that Attina was in the back of the boat and several human beings were surrounding her.
He used his sea powers to help her escape, but in vain. Just then Ursula decided to use her new more powerful “black magic” powers. The entire sky turned dark and then with a loud thunder she crashed the ship, making all of the sailors drown and Attina fell in the water. As Triton rushed to her, it was too late, she was gone already with a blade driven through her heart.
This made Triton angry and he said that it was all Ursula’s fault. If she hadn’t taken Attina out for a so-called adventure, she would be safe and sound in the palace, right now.
His anger knew no stop, “What was so important that she had to leave the palace, huh?”
Ursula didn’t want to tell him about her secret lover who was a human knowing that a human had just killed Attina. After this, she knew for herself that she also would never trust a human again.
Lost in thoughts, she didn’t even listen to Triton’s ranting, until he spoke the following words, “I, King Triton, ruler of the merpeople of Atlantica, hereby banish you, princess Ursula from Atlantica. You are stripped off your titles for using black magic and you are never allowed in Atlantica or near its people ever again. And your tail will turn into that of an octopus.”
Ursula wanted to beg not to do this, but she had just lost her best friend too and it was all her fault according to her and Triton. So she accepted this banishment and returned to the depths away from Atlantica, somewhere dark and creepy away from love and beauty. She felt like she deserved it.
15 Years Later…
King Triton and Attina’s youngest daughter, Ariel, just turned 18 years old, which meant she was allowed one wish. Ariel was obsessed with the human world even if she actually knew nothing about it. So she asked her father to see the sunset one time.
This brought back a lot of bad memories, but King Triton decided to look at the bright side of things and agreed.
As the sun started to set, suddenly fireworks erupted from a nearby ship. Ariel swam closer to get a better look. There she saw Eric, a prince from a nearby human kingdom. She sees humans dancing and singing lots of stuff. Just then Eric leans over the railing and spots Ariel. He waves over to her, as he is completely drunk.
Ariel waves back at him, she doesn’t completely understand humans.
She starts to sing with her hypnotising voice. Soon Eric’s hypnotised and Ariel gestures for him to join her so she can take a better look at him, as drunk as Eric is, he jumps in the water.
Ariel does not yet realise the danger and starts talking to him underwater. All Eric does is smile and then water starts entering his lungs and he slowly starts drowning. Humans can’t breathe under water and Ariel does not know that. She thinks it's weird that he just sinks. In a split of a second, another figure arrives and drags Eric with him.
Ariel follows the figure, it looks like a woman, but also like an octopus. Her short, yet wavy blond hair follows beautifully behind her. As they arrive at the beach, she throws Eric on the beach and leaves.
Ariel stays with him until he wakes up and as soon as Ariel notices that he’s conscious, she leaves.
Eric yells behind her, “Wait, I want to know the name of my saviour!”
Ariel, already back in the water, listens to him and then leaves back to the palace. The following days, Ariel’s stays in her room a lot and constantly arranges the human objects that she possesses. She even made a carving of Eric.
King Triton is bothered by his daughter's behaviour and asks Sebastian, the crab, what the matter is with her; Sebastian reveals that Ariel hypnotised a human which almost led to his death. He advises King Triton to act fast.
This explanation made King Triton angry and as he barged into Ariel’s room, he saw the carving of Eric and realised that it was too late. His daughter was in love with that mortal too. He tells her that she’s never allowed to return to the surface again and he breaks all of her human objects with his trident and water powers.
Ariel’s heart is broken. And her dreams are shattered, she cries for days and begs her father not to do this to her.
King Triton replies with, “Ariel, the humans are another species! Not toys! You have to understand that and leave them alone.”
“But father, Eric is everything.”
“You met that mortal once! Your obsession is becoming really dangerous, Ariel. Be careful.”
Angry and sad by that reply, Ariel swims far away from the castle, not realising she crossed the border of Atlantica, she sees two eels talking with each other about some powerful sea witch who possesses the power to cure every doubt there exists. The way they talk about her, Ariel knows that she needs her help to get what she wants.
As she approaches the eels, she learns that the Sea witch is actually her father’s sister who was banished 15 years ago for practising dark magic. She says she doesn’t care and gets to Ursula’s lair.
There she asks Ursula to give her legs.
Ursula cursed under her brother’s spell, has not aged a day and is still 23 by heart and body. She denies, “This is not a wise idea, Ariel. I won’t do it.”
Ariel replies, “Please auntie, I know my father wronged you. But I know Eric is the one for me. Please, help me. I feel so trapped in the palace with my father.”
Ursula lost her true love and faith in love a long time ago, but seeing Ariel like this just made her think about her younger self. And Ursula didn’t know about Ariel’s dangerous obsession with humans so she agreed.“Fine, I’ll do it.”
“Thank you so much, you won’t regret it Auntie!” Ariel squealed.
“Dark magic wants something in return though.”
“Anything,” Ariel said hopefully.
“Alright, You will turn into a human for three days and in that time you must receive a “true love’s kiss” to stay human. If you fail, you will turn into bubbles and disappear.”
“I’m willing to risk that.” Ariel said.
“That’s not all, the dark magic wants your singing voice in return.”
Ariel hesitates for a second, but then agrees. Then Ursula uses her magic and gives Ariel legs.
***
Back in the human world, some fisherman rescues Ariel from the beach and she’s taken to Eric’s castle. As Eric hears about this, he immediately rushes to see her, as he is in search of the woman who saved his life. As he notices her long wavy red hair, he realises it just might be her.
But when he finds out that she can’t speak, he walks away, saying, “She had the most beautiful singing voice ever.”
Ariel is angry because of this. She thinks of a plan to make Eric realise it was her. While walking through the palace, she sees Eric busy in a chart room. She walks in and pretends that she’s lost and starts looking at miniatures and souvenirs of items that Eric gathered in his travels. Eric thinks that Ariel’s interested in them and starts telling her stories about his voyages.
Ariel pretends to listen to him, while in fact she studies how he’s walking and talking. She looks at his features and realises, he actually looks a lot like a mer person, just with legs.
The following day, Eric goes sightseeing with Ariel. As they are in a boat, Eric keeps talking to her and he realises that the more he stares into her eyes, the more he gets hypnotised and zones out. He thinks this is weird, but brushes it off.
On the other hand, Ursula looks through her magical orb to check if Ariel was alright and sees Eric’s insecurities. She sends her eels to take a closer look.
As the eels arrive there, they notice Eric’s absence again and just then they see Ariel open her mouth and there are a thousand teeth in there like piranhas, as she approaches Eric. The eels kick the boat as hard as they can and Eric awakes out of his slumber and Ariel’s smiles again without revealing her teeth.
He takes them back to the castle and drops Ariel back at her room. He heads to his own room and goes to sleep.
Back at Ursula’s lair, she realises the truth; When Ariel said that she felt trapped in the palace with her father, she wanted to take things in her own hands. She was going to kill Eric and become the Queen of the humans to show her father just how powerful she was. But that was not everything, Ariel didn’t only wanted to kill Eric, she wanted to eat humans.
As much as Ursula despised humans, she knew that they were just another living and breathing species and as long as they didn’t bother her, she was going to leave them alone.
Angry that Ariel was going to commit such a sin and to help the humans, Ursula used black magic herself and turned into a human. She turned into a beautiful young lady with long black hair. As she walks on the beach, she uses Ariel’s voice to hypnotise Eric and calls him to the beach.
As he arrives, he snaps out of the “hypnotisement" He wonders, “What am I doing here?”
As Ursula sees him, she realises that Eric looks a lot like her old secret lover, John. This brought back old feelings and good memories. As Eric saw her and didn’t realise who she was, she knew that it wasn’t John.
She said, “I summoned you here, Prince Eric.”
“I’m sorry, do I know you?”
“I wanted to warn you that Ariel is not who she seems to be.”
“Ariel, who?”
Ursula sighed, “The girl with the red hair living in your castle, she’s dangerous.”
Eric frowned, “Sorry, what did you say your name was again?”
“Vanessa.” Ursula lied and she went back to the ocean.
“Wait!” Eric stopped her, “I have questions. How? Why? Who? When?”
“I’m afraid, I can’t stay Prince Eric.” As her feet reached the ocean, she turned back into her normal form; her blond short hair and half octopus ofcourse.
“Ursula?” A voice behind her then said.
Ursula was in shock and turned around, “How do you-”
“It’s really you!” Eric shouted and ran to her hugging her. “It’s me, John!”
Ursula didn’t understand.
“I have been searching for you for 15 years, my love. I made a bargain with one of the people in my kingdom who practises dark magic. To give me 15 years my 23 year form, in case I ever saw you again or else, I would die. I had to change names not to confuse people with my age. This year was my last year, I can’t tell you how happy I am to see you.”
Tears streamed out of Ursula’s eyes as she realised someone would actually do such a thing for her. Eric proposed to her and she accepted. She knew she had no place in Atlantica anymore, so she used her magic and gave herself legs and went to live with her love.
On the third day, as Ariel searched for Eric, she heard from a few maids that he’s getting engaged. This made Ariel angry, she rushed to the engagement party and confronted Ursula. She breaks the shell containing her voice and her voice comes back to her. She explains to Eric how she saved him and as Eric tells her that he already knows the whole story and what her goals are, he also states that Ursula is his true love.
As Ariel sees the sun setting, she gets even more angry and rushes forward. She pushed Ursula aside who yelled, “John, watch out!”
But it was too late, Ariel had kissed John and hypnotised him again. And that all before the sun setted which meant she was allowed to keep her legs.
“No!” Ursula yelled and crawled over.
Just then King Triton arrived at the scene and confronted Ursula. Ariel pretended that Ursula wanted to attack her and kill her. “Please daddy, you have to believe me.”
Eric stepped in and said, “She’s right, your highness. That evil Sea Witch tried to eat us.”
“John, please. This is not you.” Ursula pleaded, but it was over.
King Triton raised his trident, “I’ve given you a chance and this is what you choose to do with it?” He shouted, “It’s all over now, Ursula.”
Ursula wanted to object and ask him to listen, but King Triton replied with, “Enough! I will not hear another word from you.”
He shot a powerful blast from his trident and with that Ursula disappeared. Forever.
Points:
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Canary word: Present
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I had this idea for a few months now, but I kept putting it off. And now the writing challenge gave me a reason to write it! ^^ I hope you guys enjoyed this, any feedback is welcome and I'd love to hear all of your thoughts <3

tag for the mods
@Spearmint @KateHardy @RavenAkuma @EllieMae
omg. seeing it from Ursula's perspective, and all the twists, and that ending !!! funny how a happy ending can be a tragic one with a slight shift of perspective TvT i really enjoyed reading this, Nadya!! the little part of my brain that craves fresh and original stories is very happy
200 points have been sent! 
Mint said it all -this is incredible, Nadya! Very good work!
Hello there, human! I'm reviewing using the YWS S'more Method today!
Shalt we commence with the cursed S’more?
Top Graham Cracker - Ursula once had a love for humans until Attina’s tragic death, to which Triton blamed Ursula for. She grows to dislike them but then still wants to protect when she realizes Ariel’s true intentions, only for it to all fall apart…
Slightly Burnt Marshmallow - I think you meant to write “on” for Ariel’s birthday, but that is just one little thing.
Chocolate Bar - I love how Ursula goes out of her way to warn Eric/John about Ariel and her true intentions, even after she was banished from Atlantica and seen as a threat. She doesn’t even tell Triton about the real reason she and Attina were going to the human world, because she knows how bad it will be. Ursula’s love shows, but it’s too bad that Triton will never believe her.
Closing Graham Cracker - Ursula, the sea witch of Atlantica, only wanted to help, but all of that ended up being for nothing, for even the kindest of souls get left to rot. Triton would believe anyone other than his own sister, which says a lot about his character. Oh, poor Ursula…
I wish you a fantastic day/night! ^v^
Hello there, good morning!
I think we both know why we’re here, so I’ll get right into it. The pros will come first, some general impressions second, and constructive criticism third. I am a person just as you are, with a subjective experience of my own – that you should take my comments with a grain of salt probably goes without saying.
Pros first:
I like that there is an actual definite ending to the story that is conducive to the Disney plot that you are rewriting. Ursula doesn’t pull an UNO reverse card on Triton, she doesn’t get the love of her life and live happily ever after… she dies, and that’s it. Nice.
The second thing I seriously appreciated is the assertion that magic is not just a merpeople thing, it’s a human thing too. It lends the world a certain wholeness and balance that is often missing when a fantastical world (Atlantica and Atlantica-adjacent) collides with the human world. People have a tendency to see themselves as pretty boring, I like that that is not the case here.
Most enjoyable for me was probably the character of Ariel. She is so obviously creepy, cryptid-coded, obsessive, yet refreshingly curious and agency-having that her actions, extreme though they are, simultaneously awaken some primal unease and seem to make complete sense for her character. She was fun to read, good job on creating her.
I had some kneejerk reactions to the whole thing, and, because I know I appreciate it when people tell me these in relation to my own work, I will include them. No worries, this is mostly satire:
1. ‘Hypnotisement’ should be hypnotisation
2. Ariel, the local pervert
3. Triton needs therapy and at least one specialised emotional intelligence class
4. Ursula is the designated yassified scapegoat
5. ‘Kilometres’ does not need a capital letter if it’s not at the beginning of a sentence. Neither does ‘seven’.
6. I’m surprise John/Eric wasn’t snatched up by some mad alchemist who thought is was kinda weird that the same-looking guy kept popping up everywhere with a different name (and what I’m assuming must have been a long line of fake moustaches) over the years.
7. Ariel failed biology class
8. I prefer to think of Ursula as a deliberate enemy to a flawed system, but to each their own.
Criticism:
I have a lot to say about the ‘vibe’ structure of the story. I don’t know if this was supposed to be just a ‘haha, funny’ one-off thing but since it’s here now, I’m going to treat it like I would treat anything else. This work starts of like a fairytale story, dips into romance and adventure, then forays briefly into horror before settling on a scapegoat narrative, all within the span of around twenty paragraphs, without the structural support provided by descriptive language and attentive treatment of character dynamics, relationships, etcetera.
That the magic system is unexplained wouldn’t be an issue if there at least a hint as to what ‘powers’ are supposed to be. Atlantica’s education system also seems to be in a dire (or at least incredibly patriarchal) state. Two examples:
1. While Triton knows what dark magic is, how to recognise it, and that it is, in fact, illegal, Ursula, his sister – who is supposed to be this incredibly curious, borderline nerdy, adventurous person who is deeply interested in ‘powers’ – has no idea that what she is doing is wrong? And dangerous? And something she could get exiled over? I’m kind of tempted to blame her for getting ousted now?
2. While Triton, Ursula, and (presumably) Attina all know the basic biology of human beings, Ariel, the privileged princess with access to the royal library, who is obsessed with human people and has every reason to bother her father or Sebastian or literally anyone else for information about them, doesn’t know that Eric/John can’t breathe underwater? Huh?
That being said, I am a little on the fence with Ursula’s portrayal as a misunderstood heroine. She seems smart and unafraid to pursue her passions, which is why I doubt that she didn’t know that what she was doing was considered wrong. I understand that she panicked and that’s why she left to get Triton first, but it seems a little hand-wavy to say that she couldn’t have predicted that there would be consequences for revealing to the King of Atlantica – who has a duty to his people and his kingdom, and presumably can’t just make excuses for people just because they’re his family members – that, surprise, she’s actually been practicing dark magic this whole time and is powerful enough to summon a whole ass storm all by herself.
Honestly, Triton had every right to exile her just based off the risk factor that she presented.
I am down for a good ‘the villain was actually in the right all along!’ story, don’t get me wrong. It’s just that her gaps in critical thinking in times where they conveniently explain her innocence seem like a caveat. A way to maintain her moral superiority without jeopardising her over-powered status and deep-dark-witch-aesthetic (an aesthetic I personally love but whose continued existence in conjunction with everything else that’s going on here is kinda contributing to the melting-pot feel of this all).
To give two examples/suggestions/something… if there was a.) a misunderstanding wherein she wasn’t using dark magic but it was perceived that way by others because of other extenuating circumstances, or if b.) she did use dark magic in that instance to save Attina BUT with the full knowledge that what she was doing was wrong and that there would be grave consequences for her actions (alá Callum from The Dragon Prince), that would’ve added nuance to both her and to Triton’s character, and solved this plot hole at the same time.
That being said, you’re free to ignore this if you wish… freedom of expression and whatnot. Like I said, it kinda reads like a ‘haha, funny’ skeleton of a story that could potentially exist but that you don’t have time to write. And if it was meant to be part of the challenge then fair enough.
Thank you for listening to my ramblings, I hope you’re having a nice day (and that I didn’t accidently ruin it). You seem to have a good grip on character personality and realistic reaction, which is something that is rare and special all by itself. So, best wishes and, of course, happy writing.
The Blob.