I'm bouncing around ideas for a full story, but this is just a little preview to test the waters. Thanks for taking the time to read my work! ^_^
“Please tell me you’re lying,” Avril pleaded. “Please, please, please-“ her cries ceased and she sank to the ground as her knees gave out. With her palms pressed against the jagged gravel she couldn’t feel through her numbness, she struggled for breath under her heavy sobs. Snow laced the air, the cold wind forcing itself through her rose red hair, the only glint of color in the barren, frosted landscape encased in ice.
“The snow blocks your light, Av.” Seal folded his arms and turned his back on her to face the punishing path that stretched for miles before him. “Leave. You’re burning out.” His voice was curt, his head bowed, her eyes avoiding hers.
“Let it!” she screeched, desperate to get through to him. Shutters violently took hold of her body and she shivered uncontrollably against the bitter cold. “What the hell is it worth anyway, if- if I have to go home and tell everyone I let you as good as kill yourself!”
Seal’s eyes were glued to the road. Motionless he stood, the wind toying with his black hair. Untimely, Avril thought of how unkempt he looked and how badly he needed a haircut. She couldn’t help relating his hair to the shredded black cloak the Grim Reaper wore the day they met him. The Grim Reaper would be lurking in the shadows, hidden to them now as he is to everyone else, waiting for the ice to shatter her heart leaving her free for him to take.
“There’s no other way. I have to do this,” Seal straightened up, still not looking at her, “and I have to do it alone.”
He took a step forward, and Avril summoned her remaining strength to launch herself forward and grip his wrist in protest. He gasped in surprise and as he wheeled around, Avril caught a glimpse of the unmistakable glint of despair in his eyes. With a twist, he yanked his wrist out of her grasp letting her fall to her knees before him once more. The gravel shred a hole through her gear and skin leaving a small smear of blood behind to stain the snow and accompany her hair to color the wasteland.
Her overwhelming contrition emerged as tears streaming down her face, leaving watermarks on her cheeks that were already hardening to ice. Her insanity almost pulled a smile to her lips at the realization that she was actually too weak to continue to sob. “Seal, I can never forgive myself if I let you face this alone. You’ll…” her voice trailed off, the promise to never speak that way echoing in her mind.
“We always knew it was going to be this way,” Seal’s tone was borderline wistful. “This is what we worked for, this moment, this chance, and I can’t let that slip away… I’m going to win, Av. Don’t you believe in me?” All signs of remorse were ousted by a ridiculous longing for glory that lived inside his heart. Everyone, including him, knew the only hero was a dead one. Avril could only muster loathing at the thought.
Concealed under her coat, sharpened with sheer precision to perfection, was her dagger. Frustrated by her lack of a prosaic way with words to coerce him into saving his life, she drew the seemingly delicate but unbreakable knife. She brushed her fingers over the whorl pattern of shades of red burned onto the hilt. It was made just for her. Even in the dull light of the blizzard it gleamed making the light seems to glow from within the steel. Seal turned sharply to face her as the shine caught his attention. “Av?”
Sucking in a short breath, she turned the tip to her own heart letting it slice the first layer of her clothing. “If you take another step down that path, I’ll run it through my heart.” She raised her eyes to meet his, fighting to keep her voice steady and her gaze fierce.
Seal laughed. He shook his head chuckling the way someone would chuckle at a child trying act older by wearing shoes three sizes too big. Incredulously Avril stared, and the tip of her dagger wavered. How could the sound of his laugh hurt her so deeply? “This world is bigger than you and I,” Seal said still half chuckling. “And besides,” he shrugged, “you’re too weak to stand. Even if you were going to try to get to the Blue Division, do you honestly think you’d make it?”
“S-Seal,” Avril made no effort to mask her hurt. “I don’t understand…”
“Sorry, Av,” Seal spun on his heels and began walking the long road alone. With a clatter, Avril heard the perfect dagger slip from her hand. Defeat rested heavily on her shoulders, and stooping under its enormous weight, she just barely heard Seal’s final goodbye carried on the howling wind.
“I’ve already accepted you as dead.”
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125,007 Literary Works • 672,815 Reviews
This story is very intriguing, and it feels like it has a good amount of weight and potential to it.
So, first off I'll nitpick a little bit with some "grammatical errors."
The wording here is a bit awkward and... Kind of hard to follow. I get the overall meaning, and it's not inherently a grammatical mistake, but to me it sounds a little odd when reading it. You might want to reword it a bit different for smoother reading.
Again, not inherently a mistake, but the wording still seems a bit off. I'd experiment with a few different ways of saying it and reading it aloud to see how it sounds. It may just be me and my weirdness, it's just that those two points in the story made it less smooth of a read for me.
The next order of business, I commend you on the descriptions, I really like how you describe the events. The wording is good, good adjectives and it breathes a lot of color and individuality.
I'd definitely recommend continuing this, or making it something bigger, cause it's more of an event than it is an actual plot or short-story. As is now.
However, one thing I should bring attention to, is that the reader has no context. The reader probably won't feel many emotions if any, there's no attachment or context. We don't know who these characters are, what they're dealing with, there's nothing for the reader to relate too.
If you want to expand the story, you might be able to write a short-story, or you may have to expand it to novel length, give the reader some context. Introduce the characters, the setting, the dangers, make the reader feel for your characters. Make the reader want your characters to succeed, or even fail if you want to cast your characters in that kind of light. Never assume that the reader knows anything about your world, find some way to show them everything they need to know to understand the story and be attached emotionally to it and the characters.
Other than that, a good little piece of possible in-medias-res introduction to a larger story. Good job, keep writing!