2005
Today was one of the worst days of my life. My best friend Jack was leaving me.
I tried so hard not to be bitter. It was a big deal for him. His band, All Time Low, had been discovered and they had the opportunity to go on tour, and they took it.
I was still sad though.
Jack and I had been through a lot together, even though he was three years older than I was.We had lived next door to each other for years, our windows right across from each others. We grew up together.
I was going to miss him.
I was walking down the stairs, preparing to say goodbye to him. I was really nervous about going to see him off. I didn't want to cry in front of him and make him feel bad, but I wasn't sure if I could hold the tears back.
When I got to his driveway, there was a big black van and a black trailer hooked up behind it. Jack was putting his bags into the van when he saw me.
"Emmy!" he shouted, dropping his stuff and running over to me and embracing me.
"Hi, Jacky." I said quietly into his shoulder.
When he pulled back, he was all smiles. "This is it, Em. This is the big break that we've been waiting for!" he exclaimed, practically jumping up and down.
I smiled at him. "I'm really happy for you, Jack."
He hugged me again. "You know the one bad thing about this?" he asked me quietly.
"What?"
"I won't have my bestest friend with me." he replied.
He was making it so hard not to cry.
I didn't say anything, but looked around. His bandmates were saying goodbye to their loved ones too. Rian was saying goodbye to his girlfriend Kara, Zack was giving his parents a hug, and Alex was hugging his girlfriend, Lisa. Jack's parents were up on the porch, looking sad that their son was leaving them.
Alex was the first to say it was time to get going. I looked at him, and his eyes met mine.
I had never really liked Alex, but then, I didn't know him that well. I just always knew him as the boy who took Jack away from me. That alone was enough for me not to like him.
He turned away, and I gave Jack one last hug.
"I'll miss you." I said, putting on a smile, for his sake.
He ruffled my hair. "I'll call you all the time and send you tons of pictures."
We said our goodbyes and they got on into the van. As I stood there with everyone else, I let a tear fall down. I waved to Jack as he drove off into the horizon and silently wished him good luck.
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125,006 Literary Works • 672,809 Reviews
Hello!
RandomTalks here with a short review!
You shkuld mention the name of the original story so that your readers have an idea of what the story is about. But if I do read it as a standalone piece, it is actually a very nice read.
I loved the overall emotions you have captured here. Friendship is probably the biggest element present here and I could feel the narrator's loss and sadness at their friend's departure. That part of the story was captured very well - the loss. I could feel the narrator' need to keep it together for the sake of their friend, but inside he/she was tearing up for the future without him. It shows how good friends they are, how they remain strong for each other in times that actually call for it.
I do wish that you had included a little more details. This feels more like a sccene from a movie that has already been going on for a while or has just started. You managed to pull us into it, but you left us with space for more. We do not really know the characters. We feel what they feel and we sympathize, but I feel like you could have added more background. Its your choice, but I think there was room for more in this story.
Grammatically, I did not find any problems. So that is all.
Keep writing and have a great day!
I love it! This is awesome! I didn't really know other people knew them, did they make it to the big time? I really need to catch up to date. Anywho, nice story! The way you wrote it makes me wish there was more. Only, you should write she's a girl. Half the time I'm thinking, why the hell is a guy going to cry? Cause, seriously, it just doesn't make sense. Aguy wopuld not cry infront of his friends. Other then taht I really liked it! Post more!
Hello Alice Rose!
Welcome to YWS!!!
Some things:
-For every port you must review two other works. That's YWS 2:1 ratio.
-Make a post in the welcome forum for all the other rules, etc...
Well, I liked it. It was very interesting.
Dialogue
Dialogue puncuation!!! Here is a link that might help explain it. Here!!!
That was really it. I love this idea for a fanfic. I hope you continue on. It's totally different and gives a new perpsective to fanfic. I liked this idea very much.
Since this is the prologue there isn't much to review.
Please PM me when you post the next chapter. Or if you have any questions regarding the site or my review. ^_^
I'm sorry this isn't much of a review... Well, it is fanfic.
~Storm