She was in hospital, again. But this time it was from an entirely different reason. No abortion, no patching up, this time was the worst of all. She had gotten drunk, raped, abused and was now having the contents of her stomach pumped out. It was all because she got drunk. But she had no doubt that she would be drinking again. Hell she thought she was lucky because no matter what happened she would never get kicked out or in trouble. Because her parents weren’t even aware of what she was doing with her life. And she was only sixteen. But she knew she wasn’t fooling herself no matter how much her inner-self said she was lucky, happy and fine. She knew she was conflicted she wanted her parents and family to notice her and tell her no, she wanted to be their perfect daughter without pushing her friends away. She even knew that she used the term ‘friends’ very loosely. She wanted one but only some of the other. She wanted best of both worlds as cheesy and cliché it sounds but that summed it up as best she could. The nurse knocked on her door and entered with her family. She was thinking ..they actually came! Maybe they care? Could they? They haven’t noticed me for the past ten years. So could they? But as soon as she saw their faces she knew that wasn’t it and it would’ve never been it. Even though she had tried to be everything they wanted for seven years, when they stopped noticing she was even alive when she was six she did everything she could think of so she would be their perfect daughter.
“Kya.” The girl almost cried thinking, they are my family and they can’t even remember my name? I get them not remembering my age because I am the youngest of five, but even my name?!
“Kayla.” She whispered so softly that no one heard except for the assistant beside her, while crying on the inside.
“We have decided that even though we have tried to give you everything you have ever wanted and you just throw it back in our faces like this that you need to leave. You have shown us our gratitude by getting us to pay for three abortions, countless doctors’ bills from irresponsible drinking and behaviour, not to mention being bailed out of jail twice. You are no longer a part of my family. You have three months to leave while we are gone on our family vacation. Leave your key on the kitchen table when you leave. We are leaving tomorrow.” And with that they left. Her brothers shot her an I’m-so-sorry-I-love-you-but-I-can’t-help-you-now look while looking guilty. Her heart was wrenched out by this but on the surface she looked like she had taken it in stride. The assistant looked at her sympathetically. She had gotten to know him pretty well but her guard was always up. He was getting paid by his uncle who was a doctor here to help him out. He was two years older than her. He had tried to get her to let him in but she refused to let herself get close to anyone. Because then everyone she had gotten close to or cared about had turned their backs to her. Her closest real friends, her boyfriends, cousins, neighbours, teachers, aunts, uncles, grandparents, and now the people she held closest to her heart, her parents and brothers. Was she such a horrible person?
“Kayla.” From the way this voice that had brought her out of her revive, they had said her name more than once. Looking up she saw the assistant talking to her. “Do you need a place to stay?” when she nodded a hardly noticeable response he said “You can stay with me until you can sort everything out. But first we need to get you out of here. Hopefully for a long time.” She looked at him sharply. Her walls of defences were stronger, bigger, and as impenetrable as she could make them. Her guard was up and her suspicions were on high alert. “Don’t worry, I won’t try anything. I just want to help you. Because I know how you feel.” He said this factually but the last sentence he said so softly she wasn’t sure if her ears were playing up on her. Her anger piked. How could he possibly know? His uncle was still by his side! She thought angrily as darkness washed over her and a dark, deep dreamless sleep took over. When she woke up a nurse was checking her vitals and gave her a dirty look. She despised the girl in the bed. She was in and out of here almost as often as people changed their underwear. The nurse gave her a look filled with hate, shame and exasperation. The girl just ignored it and looked out the window. She was going to use the gym she decided. When it was empty and no one would see. She put some tights and a dance singlet on and walked to the gym. It had a large open space with a dancing mirror and bar. She sighed and put the CD player on. The music filled her ears, classical yet contemporary. The music started to get a beat and rhythm and she felt it in her body. Lift left arm up curve and, dance! She moved like cool, clear liquid water, her movements fluid and graceful. If someone to look in they would thing they were seeing a professional – or very close to professional – dancer in here for physiotherapy and almost done with the time given. She vented her feelings and pains out in her dance. When the music became fast, angry she would move along channelling her anger through her movements. Then when it was soft and slow she would show her sorrows and tears. This was one of the ways she used to vent.