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Not fat! Just Stout!

by Alfonso22


Pot-bellied and but-jellied-skinned I walk.

Triple-chinned with big, wide grin I talk.

With bulging bags beneath my eyes I gawk.

To get from bathroom to my bed, need luck.

The floorboard broke; I landed on my chin.

They used a crane to lift me up again.

My pastor said I must have hidden sin.

My neighbor would not lend his trampoline.

Grandchildren always call me Goodyear blimp.

The hippos at the zoo are prone to wink.

Invite me to the waterhole to drink.

Mistaken me for buffalo I think.ย 


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Fri May 29, 2020 5:22 am
nanda wrote a review...



Hey Alfonso22! I must say you're a great writer. This is certainly a humorous one. I enjoyed reading it! And we know that you're no buffalo!!๐Ÿ˜…๐Ÿ˜‰ Getting to read such amazing works is a matter of fortune, I must say. And being a writer myself I can understand what level of thinking is needed to write something so fabulous.Keep writing and posting... I would love to read more like this one from you in future.

Best wishes
Mahira




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Points: 482
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Fri May 29, 2020 5:19 am
nanda says...



Hey Alfonso22! I must say you're a great writer. This is certainly a humorous one. I enjoyed reading it! And we know that you're no buffalo!!๐Ÿ˜…๐Ÿ˜‰ Keep writing and posting... I would love to read more like this one from you in future.
Best wishes
Mahira




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19 Reviews


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Mon May 11, 2020 11:21 am
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mememimer says...



Surely a humorous writing! It is quite descriptive that adds to the vision of the reader. Although, a slight change in the rhyming scheme broke my flow (could've added a line break).
But, overall, I enjoyed reading your poem. :)

Keep writing!

Best wishes,
I




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19 Reviews


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Mon May 11, 2020 11:11 am
mememimer says...



Surely a humorous writing! It is quite descriptive that adds to the vision of the reader. Although, a slight change in the rhyming scheme broke my flow (could've added a line break).
But, overall, I enjoyed reading your poem. :)

Keep writing!

Best wishes,
I




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19 Reviews


Points: 1486
Reviews: 19

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Mon May 11, 2020 11:11 am
mememimer says...



Surely a humorous writing! It is quite descriptive that adds to the vision of the reader. Although, a slight change in the rhyming scheme broke my flow (could've added a line break).
But, overall, I enjoyed reading your poem. :)

Keep writing!

Best wishes,
I




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Points: 5
Reviews: 2

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Sun Mar 29, 2020 10:26 pm
Arch Stanton says...



Hi there, Arch reviewing.

I'm a fan of comedy poetry, so I really liked this one. It's the kind that would put a smile on my face, especially since it's someone being defensive and offensive of himself at the same time.

Nothing much to say, honestly, except that some of the words aren't quite rhyming, but that's ok!

I don't really find this offensive, considering it's not directed to anyone, also that it's just a character in your head and that it's kind of exaggerated. I do suggest you make your next one a bit more exaggerated so it doesn't get directed at someone all.

I'm not good at reviews, so sorry in advance if I've given you bad advice!

Yours "boo"ly,

Arch Stanton




Alfonso22 says...


I appreciate your advice. :) Thanks for the review.



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Sun Mar 29, 2020 10:25 pm
Arch Stanton wrote a review...



Hi there, Arch reviewing.

I'm a fan of comedy poetry, so I really liked this one. It's the kind that would put a smile on my face, especially since it's someone being defensive and offensive of himself at the same time.

Nothing much to say, honestly, except that some of the words aren't quite rhyming, but that's ok!

I don't really find this offensive, considering it's not directed to anyone, also that it's just a character in your head and that it's kind of exaggerated. I do suggest you make your next one a bit more exaggerated so it doesn't get directed at someone all.

I'm not good at reviews, so sorry in advance if I've given you bad advice!

Yours "boo"ly,

Arch Stanton




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Sun Mar 29, 2020 8:34 pm
JesseWrites wrote a review...



This was funny. The words really didn't rhyme that much, but I understood what you meant. This could be rude to people who are obese. i don't think it is that bad. i could be depending on the person. Be careful.

You made a couple errors. They were not as apparent as they could have been. This was very enjoyable and it made me laugh.

Keep it up!
~S.M.Locke~




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Sun Mar 29, 2020 5:22 pm
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Lia5Giba wrote a review...



Hey! Ha! I like this one. Good on your for keeping a lighthearted tone. It's a good poem. The words don't always rhyme, but I think that's okay. Small typo:

Pot-bellied and but-jellied-skinned I walk.

I think you meant "butt-jellied-skinned." "Butt" with two t's.

Just be careful that this doesn't offend anyone, I think. It doesn't offend me, but I don't know. Perhaps I'm just being paranoid. I often am.

I like this poem, though. It's definitely funny. You did a good job in my book.




Alfonso22 says...


Thanks for the feedback. I laugh at my own defects and foibles, That's why I maybe assume that others will as well. But if it offends, then I apologize and I understand if it is deleted because it offends. Will be more careful next time.



Lia5Giba says...


I don't know if it offends, really! Honestly, I think it's a good poem. I don't really think it'll hurt.



Alfonso22 says...


Thanks for pointing out the typo. I tend to forget that extra t in butt. Strange! Not to worry. I'm sure that if some corpulent members take umbrage it will be deleted. Ni problem.




โ€œChristmas wonโ€™t be Christmas without any presents!โ€
— Little Women