The princely eyes that couldn't even recognize mine
How can I trust their bearer to see this love through?
When the midnight yields and the Sun does shine-
I'll just be a stranger, who you thought you knew
You're looking for a princess, a lie which I can't forever embody
You say you've fallen for this girl, but you don't really know me
I'm more than my missing glass heel, for I'm too somebody
But you don't hear any of it as you get down on one knee
You're in love with a fantasy, and I'm too real for your liking
It'll dawn on you one day- the dream in your head isn't me
A fairytale love for the books, our union really is striking
But not worth it. By the time you realise it, too late it may be
Desperate I may be, but I cannot trade one prison for another
Bounds of marriage to you scare me more than my hellish home
Drowning in supposed bliss, why does my heart die of smother?
It may look sweet to foreign eyes, but I'm stuck in the honeycomb
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@Tikaya <.<
There we go! Only one of your poems could be worthy of my dragon.
Ohhh what a great line!!!Also time get melancholic and sad, I guess.
(also not beating the “poems fall from trees” allegations!)
Well well well and it begins in the very first line, huh? It IS kinda telling that the prince could not recognize his girl until she put on the fancy shoe…
Tho you gotta give him at least SOME credit. He did test alllll the girls, not just princesses.
Also I’m trying to figure out if the “sn’t” is intentional as a “is not” or if there is an “i” missing…
!!!
Ohhh what a good line too! I like that you have her think beyond the initial infatuation (that apparently she’s not even feeling!)
Oh my… that bad?
I want to add that you can learn a lot abt ppl via dancing with them, so in defence of the OG story: yes, I can totally believe these two could strike a lasting connection---tho if they could make it work is a question for a different time.
I like how you say “it looks sweet from the outside” only to finish on the word “honeycomb”, the ultimate sweet thing.
Thanks for sharing :3
PS: Ahhh the title! The Queen Bee!!!! Interesting concept, because usually we associate queen bees as the ones in control and all the male bees as subservient to her! But in the end, the queen is stuck in the hive, is she not?
My poem for your dragon review, it's the greatest honor!! But in my defense, I had quite a few lines ready in my notepad. It just took some fast and vigorous thinking to tie it all together.
The Disney version at least made a masquerade to justify it, but not good enough in my opinion.
Shhhhh our Cinderella hates his eagerness too much to see at things logically XD plus this is going to be sequel where the prince will reply, so let some things remain unsaid for now
Was a typo, now fixed.
I actually stole it from a movie lol, guess which one? (It was fairly popular in queer audience, you might know if you watch them). And she did feel the love, we're at a much further time frame when the illusion has broken and she sees things to what they are really.
I believe it's about expectations too. The stepmother was hopeless, the Prince looked promising and she needed a break. But he ended up being just as cold. Also everyone telling her she's lucky must not help.
Even if they could, the Prince ruined the romance by acting on it too quick. Like imagine I go on a date and get out of there for some reason but the person chases me down. It's sweet on surface, but a little creepy. You gotta let the feelings bloom slowly. So they could, and probably would've, but Cinderella thinks him getting attached so early before they've sat and got to know each other as people is a little problematic. It was fine to have a crush, but he did cross a line.
This was actually a last minute idea I was really proud of, glad you see it that way!
Both valid points. I'll do something to turn around the former one in the reply poem though!
I just had to jump on and review this as soon as I saw you had posted this! Please beware I am on my break at work and not got my best reviewing hat on and I can always give more in-depth feedback later if you’d like!!
I really love this. The rhyme scheme is good and keeps a steady rhythm throughout the poem. The idea of Cinderella being scared of the idea of Prince Charming falling in love with her so quickly and calling it a fantasy is a really nice subversion of common fantasy tropes.
The second and fourth stanzas are a little wordier and don’t flow as well, so could do with some refining.
This like confused me a little. Is she saying she is ALSO a person / somebody as well as just a foot with a missing shoe, or is she saying I’m too somebody. Like she is an abundance of somebody? I think I know what you mean but there might be a cleaner way to phrase it!
I hope you write some more poetry soon, I really enjoyed this one!
lol imagine vulpesvelox was online and also reviewed this before I could. Then Alex would have had to post yet another poem to make me get to the required 1000 XD
Thank you for the review! This came a lot quicker than I was expecting for sure XD
About the wordiness, I believe I'm trying longer sentences in general so this might go in my poems a while now. I'll see if I can trim something down in my free time though. To be very fair, Tikaa made me post this in just half an hour to get her dragon lol.
I could replace too with also? I'm sure there is a better way but I was trying to make the rhymes work, I'll be looking into this as well though, rest assured. It might be a while until I publish another though, at least after 21 when my finals end (starting on 13 and I'm so not ready).
And Tikaa, if that indeed happened, you'd be on your own XD. I got out of my way for this one, there's no way anything good can be made this quick from scratch lol.
Good luck with the finals!!