Why would you care?

Hiya, I'm EmoChikXoX and I'm going to review your poem!

Well, I do like this. I have to say I'm not really into this sort of poem, a love one, but I think this is really effective. I like the repetition you have used, it adds a form of depth and.. insecurity (I think that's the word i'm looking for xD) to the character in the poem.

Out of all the stanzas, I personally preferred the 3rd one. I think it's nice and honest.. it says the right things. It says some of the main points that goes around the peoples heads during and after a break-up.

I also like the fact that you have used speech, I havn't seen that for a while. The poems I tend to read are speechless, so well done for doing something different The italics are also a nice touch It gives 2 forms for the poem

It had a nice flow, and in my opinion was rather fluent. I saw no punctual mistakes, and as far as I am aware I didn't pick up on any grammar mistakes either so well done!

Anyway, I hoped my review made sense and it wasn't just me rambling on and on... I tend to do that. I hoped this was helpful

Happy writing

~EmoChikXoX

This is great, I love the use of italics and it flows so well. It's also very emotive and really makes the reader think about the story of the person speaking could be and it's structured beautifully.

Hiya ^_^

I'm very intrigued by people actually talking in the poem, it's not something i've dabbled in.
I love the use of italics as well, I tend to see past punctuation and other things many will tear your head off for. I believe as long as a poem is spelled correctly you can see it's meaning.

It was a little hard to follow at times and that may just be all the speaking in it. I honestly was not sure how to handle it. It had good flow and a very unique style.

I look forward to seeing you develop this style, as I also write in my own style. I also love the develop meant of the lady as she moves on in the poem, very well thought out.

JC

I honestly don't know the meaning of this poem. (I don't care about grammar. ) I think, I think, I think, it was about the narrator confronting his subconscious. Does he really care about whether he lives or not?Does he blame his subconscious for not telling him?

....

I want more now. I thought to much. I always do this. Well, there is one thing that I will point out, if you put the italicized out, it would be better formatted. Just something that kinda bugged me. I hope you write more in the future and I look forward to it.

With All Do Respect
Whole Some Reader

Hey, Willow C. Back from the dead! Gahhhhhh!
JK, I apologize in advance for my personality.

Anywho, I always start with the title. Its very important for perspective readers to see a good title to get their attention. It has to be relevent, mysterious, and spontanious. Something no one would expect, but not annoying or at all "Sarah-Palen-y", in that I mean not stupid spunding. AND DEFINATELY NOT OVERDRAMATIC. I'm only stressing this because its your first piece here and its always good to practice something as soon as possible. PRACTICE MAKES PERMANENT NOT PERFECT. Something I learned from my awful seventh grade band teacher. Anywho, i think the title could use some work. It's relevent and not too overdramatic plus it,s not plain stupid, but its expected. Try something spontaneous and fantastic that only you, the writer, would think of. A poem is personal, try connecting it to what ever you were thinking about while writing it. The titlr can always reveal something about the poem you wouldn't realize otherwise. Like "mushrooms" by Sylvia Plath. BE SPONTANEOUS!

Enough with the title, you say? Sure. Okay I think the writing is a bit flat. Sure youre definately into it, but the words aren't I can tell that you put a lot of thought into what exat words you needed, but in a poem you need to add a dash of imagry. Consider the following...

I enter a room that is filling with water
I am frantic
My friend Bob grabs my shoulder
I can see in his eyes that he is terrified of drowning
He doesn't know how to swim
We head for the stairs
I told him wed be okay, but my voice cracked from fear

...I told you exactly what you needed to know, but I gave no further information. No detail. WHERES THE BEEF? Understand that I am not saying your poem was like a text based game, I am saying that it would sound better if Bob's story went more like this...

At first I felt we were finally safe
That perhaps we had entered a safe room
We were both tired and needed far more than a break
Suddenly the water rushes in from the floor boards
There is no tome for a cunning plan or a daring escape
Just time to look at Bob's fingers clawing into my arms
As we head for the nearest thing to dry land we have left
The stairs
I try to tell him it will be all right
But even I don't believe the fear cracking my words apart.

...I also think that language could have been more relatable. I mean are these people are in a very realistic senerio of not trusting the person who has never cared for them. Make it sound more frantic. Chances are in a situation that is a conversation, even this one, they wouldn't have time to give their Buddha two cents on it.

Peace out, keep writing, and "Take chances, make mistakes, and get messy"
-Willow C.

Hi
The poem encased the agony of lover lost in a convincing way. I also like the way she fails to recognize her love in the last line.

In the middle stanza, she emphatically holds him responsible for a wound in her heart. And why has he come again when she had already forgiven him.

Having said that I found the poem bit straight and simple but admittedly that also could be the strength of it.

Hope this helps.

Keep writing.

Thanks