Young Writers Society

That’s how the end of the world would happen. It would be a normal day, and then nothing. Most different things happen on seemingly boring, mundane days. This felt poetic, but also realistic. It’s scary to think of how fast things end, but art somehow makes it all better. This was a good read.

I hope that you will have a very beautiful and fantastic day and night. Goodbye for now.

Hey there! Your story presents a snapshot of a seemingly ordinary day that quickly turns into a catastrophic event. The vivid imagery and sensory descriptions provide a sense of the environment, with the wind, birds, trees, and sun all contributing to the setting. The transition from bustling crowds to small groups and the gradual departure of people highlights the impending sense of doom.

Your narrative builds up to a moment of suspense with the countdown and the "boom" that signifies the end of everything. The use of short, choppy sentences in the final moments creates a sense of urgency and finality.

However, the story lacks depth and detail, leaving the reader with many unanswered questions. What is the cause of the end of the world? How did the narrator come to have this premonition? What is their backstory, and why are they so indifferent to their fate? These unanswered questions make it difficult for the reader to fully engage with the story and connect with the characters.

In addition, the writing style is somewhat repetitive and lacks variety. The same words and phrases are used repeatedly throughout the story, which can become tedious and monotonous to read. There is also a lack of descriptive language, which makes it difficult to visualize the setting and characters.

Overall, while your story attempts to convey a sense of impending doom and finality, it falls short in delivering a compelling narrative that fully engages the reader. The lack of detail and depth, coupled with a repetitive writing style and a pessimistic outlook, may leave readers feeling unsatisfied and unfulfilled.

Overall, not bad! Keep on writing

- HB

Huh. This has the potential of growing into a nifty, end of the world type of story. Sci-fi perhaps. Who ever the character is, seem to have the power of seeing the future. A seer? A prophet? Did this person Initiate the explosion on purpose or was there a more sinister person or thing working in the shadows? Tons of questions need to be answered. XD

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

First Impression: This was a really powerful little short here. You really manage to sell a full on little ride of emotions through just very little here and I really enjoyed trying to decipher what was happening in the literal sense here.

Anyway let's get right to it,

An all too "normal" day with wind dancing around you and birds flying around. Waiting on a bench outside with a laptop in front of me, words that can be read all over the place are being typed here. In some way, the trees look tired, very tired. But they are still waving at us, trying to brighten up the place.

Bustling crowds turn into very small groups, and gradually people start to leave. The atmosphere, which should feel calm, is just really empty for me. The sun is showing its teeth and doing its bit to brighten up the place. But it all just seems dull.

This is one of the moments, from my perspective, before everything turned into nothing. It would take just a few more minutes, before I'd see part of the change. Not the after, but the before and the moment of going to after. Of course, I couldn't have known, but somehow I did. It was just going to end. Just like that in five... four.... three...

Goodbye world.

Two...

Goodbye everyone.

One...

This is it, this is the end and with it comes the “boom”.

Hi, it's Mika here!
This story is entertaining, and it has a nice flow. It's really cool. There could be some improvements that I'm going to list down! So, let's get to it!

1.Establish a clearer setting: The story starts with a description of the environment, but it's not clear where the protagonist is waiting or why. Providing more details about the setting can maybe make the story a little more interesting.

2.Add more sensory details: The story relies on visual descriptions, but adding more sensory details such as sounds, smells, or textures can help create a more vivid and immersive experience for the reader. Just some ideas, of course!

3.Build up the tension: The story moves too quickly from a normal day to the end . Adding more details about the protagonist's thoughts or actions as they realize what is happening can build up tension and create a more dramatic climax.

4.The ending feels abrupt and lacking in detail. Providing more information about what happens after the "boom" can help readers better understand the impact of the event and leave a stronger impression!

5. Also, the protagonist is not clearly defined! . Adding some context about the character's personality, background, or motivations can help readers connect with them and create a more emotional impact.

Don't worry, these are just my suggestions! Some very positive things about this really cool story is: The use of personification to describe the trees and the sun adds a layer of depth to the setting and emphasizes the bleak atmosphere.

The build-up to the climax is well-paced, and the final countdown to the end is particularly gripping. The ending leaves a strong impact and effectively conveys the sense of finality and devastation. Anyways, great job! Good read! Have a great day/night/afternoon sorry if this poem is abrupt i need to go

-Cleo Carson speaking:

Wow, did the world just end? That's the vibe I'm getting from the end of the story.
I don't see anything to complain about, no grammatical errors or spelling errors. The story flows nicely. Also, the formatting at the end makes it even better, it forces the reader to slow down a bit.
Overall, great story. Possibly aim to write longer stories in the future though.

-Corp. C. Carson

Hello Rose!

A very sweet and short piece. It is written with a natural flair for the melodramtic, which I appreciate. You say much with few words.

I have one critique for you and one suggestion. The critique is regarding your use of incomplete sentences. I'll use the first paragraph for an example.

An all to "normal" day with wind dancing around you and birds flying around. Waiting on a bench outside with a laptop in front of me, words that can be read all over the place are being typed here. In some way, the trees look tired, very tired. But they are still waving at us, trying to brighten up the place.

It was an all-to-normal day, with the wind dancing through the birches lining the path and birds flitting through the dancing leaves.

This is really good! I enjoyed how straightforward it was while showing emotion. It is truly amazing how much emotion was in this. Here's a breakdown of how I felt about this:

Paragraph 1: When I first read this paragraph I didn't know what was going to happen, it did a good job at reeling the reader in. A good starter paragraph makes you want to know what will happen next and this paragraph exceeded that.

Paragraph 2: This paragraph was just as interesting as the last. It reeled me in. I loved the part where it says, "The atmosphere, which should feel calm, is just really empty to me." I feel like it hits that sensitive spot in a reader that can make the reader feel for the speaker.

Paragraph 3: I was not expecting it to essentially say that the world was ending. It really hits another sensitive spot in the reader. The simple thought of the world ending should make someone's stomach drop into an endless hole.

The words after paragraph 3: They went really well with the third paragraph! I liked how the speaker said(what I assume) their last goodbyes when the world would go, as stated, "boom." This adds an effect to thinking about the writing after the story is done.


Final thoughts: This is very well written, it has a good broad range of words, and overall was very good. Keep up the good work!

- Cher

This is really good! I enjoyed how straightforward it was while showing emotion. It is truly amazing how much emotion was in this. Here's a breakdown of how I felt about this:

Paragraph 1: When I first read this paragraph I didn't know what was going to happen, it did a good job at reeling the reader in. A good starter paragraph makes you want to know what will happen next and this paragraph exceeded that.

Paragraph 2: This paragraph was just as interesting as the last. It reeled me in. I loved the part where it says, "The atmosphere, which should feel calm, is just really empty to me." I feel like it hits that sensitive spot in a reader that can make the reader feel for the speaker.

Paragraph 3: I was not expecting it to essentially say that the world was ending. It really hits another sensitive spot in the reader. The simple thought of the world ending should make someone's stomach drop into an endless hole.

The words after paragraph 3: They went really well with the third paragraph! I liked how the speaker said(what I assume) their last goodbyes when the world would go, as stated, "boom." This adds an effect to thinking about the writing after the story is done.


Final thoughts: This is very well written, it has a good broad range of words, and overall was very good. Keep up the good work!

- Cher

Oh wow. This…. This hit really hard. It’s surprising how much emotion you were able to put into basically 3-4 paragraphs. Whatever you did, you did it with such grace. It’s so easy to go overboard with topics such as depression to the extent where it just feels fake. What hit me the most was the trees and the. How tired they are, but still making an attempt to keep up with appearances. Knowing from experience how real this is really hit me.
The tone was on point, as well as the wording and spelling. Honestly I can’t find anything to really critique. How dare you. This is my job and yet you’re making it so hard for me. Lol. Jokes aside, well done! I’m looking forward to reading your other works now. See you there.