Warning: This work has been rated 16+.
Noroi Sarowmon has always been in a black box. He couldn’t see the world nor color. In his black box, he was living a life as a pampered son, but the loneliness was always there. It was good enough, until it wasn’t good enough anymore. He had nothing in his box. He couldn’t see the difference between the present and the future, because he refused to climb out of it. But now, wanting more, he ventures out of his box into not the present, but his future. The bonds that chained him down was a curse, with only a memory told by someone else. His brother cursed him with the inability to love. Anyone he does love will suffer. Wanting to destroy this voided box and his bonds at all cost, this werewolf meets a peach dryad along the way. But this dryad has a few secrets of his own. Noroi soon finds out that, while comical, Itori Sakamiya had his voice carved out and his right of opinion stolen out of his hands. Both are broken, and both soon find haven with each others’ company. But have they suffered enough?
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,857 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm Kate and I'm here to leave a quick review!!
Anyway let's get right to: Kate's Line by Line Reactions;
OOoh this isn't something that you see too terribly often. A summary isn't what I would normally review but let's take a look here.
For starters, I am loving the worldbuilding at play here. You're seeing a few connections bouncing about here and there and its pretty nice to see that much development coming in at such a short piece and it seems you've put a decent amount of work into it.
The idea of this black box which somehow both feels like a literal black box and a more metaphorical thing at the same time really sounds like an interesting concept here. I think it could make for a pretty awesome story if done right. So far, the plot that seems to be in development here seems like it's pretty interesting. At any rate, I think I would certainly read it.
The mention of the other characters, while pretty brief, is quite interesting too. It looks like we're going to have a lot of secrets going around in this particular tale and a lot of the characters are going to have something to hide. Certainly all good things to have.
Overall I think this sounds like a wonderful summary, looking forward to seeing the actual piece.
Aaand that's it for this oneee!!!
As always remember to: Take what you think was helpful and forget the rest!
Kate
Hey Akiraa!! Wassup!
Great piece, certainly intrigued to read more! Keep going~<3333333
keep it up
well crap now I've got to write the whole darn book. this will cost sooo many points T^T
Nice, short but interesting summary written by the author.
"Noroi Sarowmon has always been in a black box. He couldn’t see the world nor color. In his black box, he was living a life as a pampered son, but the loneliness was always there."
First of all, the name is very unique, I guess Noroi is the main character of this story. Okay, so a man in a black box is very interesting plot, but you have given a very-very short description of Noroi. I wish Noroi had gone a bit more through cruelty of life. The topic of no color, only blackness is what I never thought of (silly me), very good. The loneliness which troubled Noroi is understandable, like he could never see the world with the eyes of a normal human (like he could only see the world black and white).
"He couldn’t see the difference between the present and the future, because he refused to climb out of it. But now, wanting more, he ventures out of his box into not the present, but his future. The bonds that chained him down was a curse, with only a memory told by someone else. His brother cursed him with the inability to love. Anyone he does love will suffer. "
Okay, so here Noroi is sort of fed up of the black and white world around him (going good...). Yes, the adventure in this story enters as he ventured out, seeking the truth of the future (what will happen next?). His brother though is looking like a side-villain character, like he gave him the curse of 'no love' (how evil...I feel bad for Norori) and the person that Noroi loves is going to suffer...? Very-very interesting.
Then there is this new character in the summary, who has suffered a lot, but has he really suffered? (interesting)
Well done. Your story will be amazing.
Keep it up.
Waiting for more.
Thank you.
Noroi means curse in japanese. and the cruelty is the black box itself. I got the idea from the torture method called The White Room. you are surrounded by no one and have no signs of rice and the only color you are allowed to see is white. that doesn't seem like much, but after a few days? a few weeks? a couple years of having no one to wipe your tears? it may not seem like much. but in FORCED isolation, rather than a loner spending time in their room, that is truly something that can hit you very hard.
no signs of life. I meant to say no signs of life. the rice thing came from reading about The White Room where they would only be fed rice because its white too. mb. train of thought went WHEEEE for a moment there.
and don't forget the key detail, perhaps the most important of all...
"with a memory told by someone else"
noroi doesn't actually know what happened. only what was told by him and forgotten.
so is his brother really what cursed him? or something else that no one else caught?
Noroi and his brother...I am waiting for the first part to come, post it soon.
(thanks for the explanation it made things more clear, and surely this is a nice plot)
Hello Hello I hope you dont mind me popping in with a quick review. I will apologize as this will be pretty short. However, I hope that my feedback will be useful nonetheless. With all that out of the way, I think I should start the review properly. Let's get into this, shall we?
Overall I found this an interesting setup for a novel. There is a lot you could pull from since a lot of different cultures have dryads and I wonder what your ones are going to be like. On top of that, it seems we have Greek tragedy like love story and those are always gripping to watch even if we dislike the ending. However, I am curious if this summary is meant to hook readers or is something used for planning. Just to be safe I will be treating it like it's meant for readers.
With that in mind, I shall be moving on to feedback. I am neither a professional nor do you have to use anything I say. You are the author after all.
Now the first thing that caught my eye is the fact that the Mc is both a werewolf and cursed by his brother is brought up late into the summery. Normally things that impact the plot like that are the first or second thing we learn in summaries. I feel that you should be included in the first few lines instead of the end.
Furthermore, I noticed that the stakes aren't brought up. Of course, we know that anyone he loves will die but what challenges will they go through? Is someone trying to get him back into the box or does this ruin his brother's plan? The reader knowing what they might face and what's at stake makes them more invested in picking up and reading the book.
Lastly, this one is just my opinion and very nitpicky so be warned.
I wish we had an idea of what this world is like even if it was a single line. Yes, I know the MC doesn't know of the world but the setting is important for the reader to be aware of. Are they jumping across planets or travelling to a snow-encased kingdom this can give the reader a greater feel of what's to come.
Regardless of this feedback I still think this has promise. Happy RevMo, I hope life is treating you well. As always keep writing and remember to drink water!
well the "stakes" were mentioned in the summary. anyone he loves, he kills. meaning he cant be friends with anyone, and that includes Itori. and that was actually very helpful. thank you!