A Vampires Love Chapter 2 (Sorry for mistakes, I am still working on my Grammar)

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

First Impression: This was a pretty intriguing second chapter. There were some interesting vibes there, definitely makes you question a few things about what Amelia has been through and of course also about this new person.

Anyway let's get right to it,

I suddenly awoke to someone poking me in the side. I let out a yelp of surprise before facing the person that poked me. He's tall, pale, and short red hair that fell gracefully around his face.

"WHO ARE YOU?!" I yell baring my fangs.

"I am Demitri, Demitri Pierce." he says offing me a hand. "And you are?"

I take his hand and he helps me up. "Amelia Cullen.." I answer hesitantly.

Well this is quite the waking up moment there. You have to wonder how much in stride she is taking all of this. That does make you think that maybe this isn't the first time she's woken up like this. At any rate definitely a pretty interesting start to proceedings here. Let's see where we're headed.

He looks at me shocked. "Are you a member of the Olympic Coven?" he asks looking around.

"Yes, I was adopted by Carlisle, not that that's any of your business." I say with a sour tone.

"I am a good friend of Edward and Bella Cullen." He says seeming to get exited. "How are they?" he asks.

I sigh. "I'll make you a deal," He tilts his head slightly. "If you can teach me to fight," I pause for a moment to let it sink in, "I will take you to them."

I try to hide the grin spreading across my face when he responds, "Anything for Edward's sister."

Ooooh I thought the Cullen was simply just inspired by twilight but it seems we're dealing with a bit of a fanfic situation here from the looks of things. That changes things a little bit but still quite a fun piece there as far as chapter two is concerned. Seems like we reach a bit of a quick agreement there. Again Amelia seems very chill about all of this suggesting she's just very used to situations like this, I don't know if that was entirely intentional but that is the vibe that's prevalent here.

Aaaaand that's it for this one.

Overall: Overall a powerful follow up, one that definitely opens up quite a bit of questions there and I'm quite excited to see how these end up being answered cause there really is quite a bit to work with here.

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Kate

Salutations, curious mind!

Amaya here, ready to dive into the pages of this intriguing story. 📚!

Buckle up, 'cause we're diving into my review magic! ✨

The Good Stuff:

First of all, let's talk about the parts that really rocked!

This is a nice sequel to the first chapter you posted. I like the names that you’ve chosen for your characters.

Your protagonist seems to have a rather shy and withdrawn personality which is awesome in contrast to Rose. This brings Amelia more to the front and shows more of her personality as a character. Great job there!

Well…she did shout at Demitri. (Not so shy anymore ) Demitri looks like a potential friend of Amelia, correct me if I’m wrong and you had other plans for him.

Areas to Improve:✒️

The following suggestions are merely to help you improve on your writing and not to offend you in any way. Feel free to skip these suggestions, if these are not what you aim for.

I’ve never read/seen Twilight in my life, but I’ve heard of it. And while reading this story, I had the feeling that this is a fanfic of Twilight right? (I’m saying this because I read Edward and Bella Cullen.) I’d suggest placing this under the option fanfiction.

I think it’s interesting how Amelia is Edward’s sister. Great thinking!

~~~

I’ve read both chapters before reviewing this one: I have noticed that your chapters were rather short. I’m not sure if this is intentional, but I’d suggest trying to expand it a little more.

Think about adding some more details to the description, setting and placing some inner thoughts for your characters. Perhaps you can also add some more backstory to your characters, that way people who didn’t read Twilight will be able to understand your story more clearly. ^-^

This description over here is great info for your reader, but also try to go more deeper in their surroundings and thoughts.

He's tall, pale, and short red hair that fell gracefully around his face.

Overall Feelings:

This is a very nice read with amazing dialogues! I don’t really have a lot of critique for you, because as I said before your chapters are a little short and not fully developed yet which makes it a bit difficult for me to go in depth. Apart from adding some more descriptions, thoughts and expanding your chapters this is a great read which definitely intrigued me. XD

I also wanted to say don’t worry about making mistakes, even I have trouble with my grammar sometimes, but the more you practise the better. XD Don’t be afraid to take risks, the people here on YWS are very friendly, kind and would gladly provide you with feedback on how you can improve. ^-^

Be sure to check out…📔🔖

The following works are meant to be used for inspiration only and not plagiarism, the author has full copyright of their works.

This author uses a lot of descriptive language in her story and also provides some info on the characters backgrounds which I thought you could definitely take inspiration from.

Walking Estranged Lands by @avianwings47

Have a nice day or night further! Keep writing! You are amazing!

Amazingly yours,
Amaya Statham– Be yourself and keep writing! 📖🎉