Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
First Impression: This is a nice little first chapter. A bit on the shorter side but I think its plenty interesting as it stands that it doesn't really matter too much It manages to hook us in all the same.
Anyway let's get right to it,
There was a place in Transylvania where creatures roam. Vampires where among the the most powerful beings with their speed and strength, yes, I mean the pale looking people with fangs that drink blood, and I am one of them. I love being a vampire, minus the blood part. I'm part of a unique family and-
I was snapped out of my thoughts when the bell rang.
"Hey Amelia!" I look up to see my best, witch, friend, Sabine Bennett walking to my desk. "You seem spacey today, are you okay?" she asks.
Well this is quite the little start here. Its a bit of an on the nose start there with that mention of the witch scenario, but then again there isn't necessarily a more subtle way to really bring that across either, so its a decent compromise to throw that in there.
"I'm fine." I say looking around for my worst enemy, Rose Wright. "
You have detention today, may I remind you, Miss Bennett." our teacher, Mrs. Dixon calls to Sabine from her desk. "If I were you I would hurry to detention so I could get my time done." she adds gesturing towards the door.
"You should go." I say gathering up my stuff.
"Right. See you tomorrow!" she says bolting out the door. I sigh as I head towards the door.
Oooh well that's quite a history right there from the start. Love the details that you've managed to pack into there. You can immediately tell there's quite some history there both between the students and that teacher. Definitely gives you a nice little bit of insight into their characters and that's a really good thing to see at the start of a story. Going pretty nicely so far.
"Have a good night Miss Cullen." Mrs. Dixon called from behind me.
"You too Mrs. Dixon." I say. I take off sprinting down the hall and make it outside the school building in less then a second. Vampire speed really comes in handy.
"Hello friend." I turn to see Rose and her friends standing there grinning at me.
"Leave me alone!" I yell and take off for home.
"GET BACK HERE!!" Rose yells chasing after me. I hear the whistles of the guys around me. Great. This will really get her steaming. I think just as Rose catches up to me.
"Why do you have straight A's Cullen?! I told you to flunk your classes not ace them!" Rose exclaims.
Suddenly, everything goes black.
Hmm well that's certainly not your typical bully interaction. That's quite the vibe there to be working with. Loving the ending. Quite a powerful cliffhanger to work with there, especially given the interaction right before the actual blackout happens. Very nicely done that. The bully is also a bit interesting. Normally asking someone to fail isn't a threat you see in most stories so that's a nice little changeup too. Overall a fun first chapter this one.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
Overall: Overall there's a few things to iron out perhaps. In that introduction to our witch for example but for the most part this is a lovely little groundwork that you have here. I definitely want to know more about this story.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Kate
Points: 310223
Reviews: 4377
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