Hello there Alexis! Dogs here with your review. Firstly I love your avi, it makes me think of your poem. You have great imagery and excellent comparissons in this poem that really made it enjoyable to read. I love the use of "forget me nots" just such a great word all around. Let's dive into your review now shall we?
"Sharp thorns that cut and bleed."
Everything in your poem is pretty stellar up to this point. I think you can certainly use stronger descriptive words instead of "cut and bleed." My advice to you is two look up these two overused and boring words in a thesaurus and replace them with some stronger more image invoking words. I use a thesaurus every single time I write any form of literature.
"No matter that the forget-me-nots have named themselves,"
This is a marvelous line, although the only issue I have with it is that it's a little too long in comparisson to the rest of the poem. Try breaking it into two different lines, saying something more like: "No matter that the forget me nots/ have named themselves," Or something else along those lines.
"Someone…Anyone to remember them."
Try to avoid using "..." in writing, especially poetry. This can just as easily be replaced with a comma and the same pause will be conveyed to the reader. Try saying: "Someone, anyone to remember them."
"But nothing beat the loyal"
Tiny grammar thing here, this should be "nothing beats" instead of "nothing beat." minor note but important. All and all a lovely poem you have here, I really enjoyed reading it. You have some truely excellent imagery. Let me know if you ever need a review. Keep up the good work!
TuckEr EllsworTh
Points: 52441
Reviews: 662
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