My mom makes me smile
And makes my life worth while
When I'm blue and sad
She makes me glad
That I have a mom
That doesn't place a bomb
And walks away
So that I may take all the weight
.
.
She sang me lullabies
As the butterfiles
Drift over my head
As happiness spread
From me,
To you,
I love you too, Mom!
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Canary word: Present
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125,005 Literary Works • 672,797 Reviews
Why does the child like simplicity of this speak to me?
It makes me want to hug my mom, even though she didn't do much of this with me...
That's not the point!
I love this. It's a different kind of poetic. A way I may never be able to explain. You did a great job. (I don't know if you meant to, but it sounds as if a child wrote this.) (which is good.)
Good Luck To You.
Thanks for the review.
One thing that I may ask of you is that you please leave longer reviews because if you only comment the good things, the people you review don't get anything out of it.
Oh, I am most definitely sorry! I tried to make it long, but my review for it was simple. I liked it, I couldn't find anything of issue. If I had seen something wrong, or something I didn't like, I gladly would've taken the time to sit back and critique it. But again, it was simple. I liked it.
I love how sweet and gentle and flowing this poem is.
Plus, it's for Mothers' Day, which is an extra bonus!
These are all suggestions, so feel free to ignore them all after you've read it. XD
The word "makes" is used in both lines and is a bit repetitive. You may want to change it, or take out the second one altogether.
Also, I suggest putting a period at the end of it.
Again, repetition. The word "as" is used twice. This one is a little harder, because if you change the second as to an and, you have to change spread to spread, which messes up the ryhme scheme.
Other than that, this poem seems so sweet an if you are giving it to your mom I'm sure she would love it.
WillowPaw1~
That is so sweet. I think your mom will really like it! This is dogsrule5 here to say a good review! YAY! XD!
This was one of my favorite parts because it makes you mom feel good. I think this poem will make her mother's day even more special than its already going to be. I know your mom will love it.
I liked the whole poem. Keep writing more things like this.
I love the rhyming words. Those are really good. The words match, I like that about poems, rhyming words! So much fun!
Your grammar and spelling was great. This then rolls right along into punctuation which I thought was good also.
You really did a good job making this poem, I hope you make more poems like this.
I really like the whole poem, and also I won't mention all my favorite parts, because ever part was my favorite part.
This was one of the top five poems I have ever read! (I don't have a real list of top five poems, but if I did this would be included in it)! Just saying!
Well no mistakes in this poem, so I will talk to you later then.
Love,
Dogsrule5
Heyo, Katya, this is a really sweet and considerate poem and is great you wrote this for your mother. xD. I always do something special on Mother's day do I'm a bit biase about poems related to mother's day, I don't like to critic them.
Like retro, said. I also feel that the ending of your first stanza could actually be expanded to something much more. It seems like you have cut the poem off abruptly, before jumping straight to the lullabies. Like after when you wrote about leaving a bomb, you can definitely expand that. What kind of bomb? How does that effect the MC?
I also noticed several use of cliche lines,
'When I'm blue and sad' -> I would advice you to avoid cliche lines even though this is a Mother's day poem. I really think you can think of something more inspiring than the usual line of blue and sad.
Cliche lines aren't bad, but since this is for your Mother, I think you should write something more special.
Anyways, this is a really considerate poem I think you could work in so much more with this though, keep on writing!
-S.s
The thing is my mom loves cliche stuff. XD
Hey Retro here,
I quite like this poem, it feels like something that would appear on a greetings card so kudos for that!!!
However, this is a review so unfortuentlyit shall not be perfect.
The ending of your first stanza is week. I don't think that you have moved the idea of love further enough away from the notion of love for it to become a hard hitting and unique notion of love. That being said in terms of how it is written i think it is a great poem; one which contains lots of potential.
Keep it up!!~Retro