Young Writers Society

I like this poem about mother and daughter who once played in the snow and how the memory is revived whenever it snows once more. The sheer Joy of the experience is reinforced by the brisk meter that the poem establishes from the outset. Reminded me of one occasion where I played that way with my father.

Thanks for sharing. looking forward to reading more of your work.

Suggestions

The meter and rhyme seem to go suddenly out of kilter in the middle.
So that should be given some attention. This is the part that seems to need work.

To run at her daughter,

Armed with the snow.

And that's when she throws,

The snow from her hand,

Hitting her daughter,

As if it was planned.

Hey AddictedToTheInk! Welcome to YWS! I hope you enjoy it here.

I really appreciated this poem- your rhymes were consistent and well crafted. I don't always see that, and I think it's great. I like the tone your piece has well, you set it up very nicely. Overall, however, I think you could've used a bit more imagery- maybe some colors, or sounds. And although it's great to have punctuation in poetry, I think it's entirely possible that you've overused the comma! There are a lot of places you could simply take it out, and others where you could replace it with a semicolon or whatever might fit.

The photo book,

She takes from the draw to have a look.

As once again, they are armed,

With ice cold balls,

Not meant to harm

She flicks through the pages,

Sees smiles on their faces,

Hello, Steggy here for a short review!

When I first read this poem, you don't mention the narrator anywhere throughout this poem. Perhaps because the narrator is telling a story for a different point of view than themselves but I still think it would've been nice to know who is talking so the reader can have a general knowledge of what's happening. Another thing I noticed was you seem to describe every single thing that the narrator is doing. There are times where this can be okay but other times, like in this poem for example, it feels as though it can drag on and on without an ending. Visual the ideas in your head and try to figure out what is important to the poem that could make sense to the reader.
You use commas a lot too in this poem. In poetry, when using commas, it usually indicates a breather of some sort or perhaps a new stanza but in your case, I think you went a little overboard with the commas-now that isn't a bad thing. Most people do it without realizing it and skip over it. Personally, I think, if you reread the work before publishing it, you can figure out mistakes easy enough.

Now, onto the stanzas:

As she put on her boots,

And walks around,

Playing with the snow that's on the ground,

Taking a handful,

She makes a ball,

And watches the sky as the snow starts to fall.

As she puts on her boots,

She steps outside,

To finally feel like she's alive.

She takes one step,

For the girl she knows,

To remember her daughter,

With a footprint in the snow.

Hi Soul here!

So I haven't reviewed anything in ages, let alone poetry, but I will say this much, I really like this. Brought back a lot of memories and I enjoyed the read most definitely.

Well I do believe the poem flowed rather well. While some lines feel a bit longer than others, it doesn't seem to interrupt the flow in my mind. It's nice how small things like this can remind you of so many others things at the same time.

So, nicely done! I can't wait to read more from you! Hope you enjoy the review ^^

Soulkana <3