I like this poem about mother and daughter who once played in the snow and how the memory is revived whenever it snows once more. The sheer Joy of the experience is reinforced by the brisk meter that the poem establishes from the outset. Reminded me of one occasion where I played that way with my father.
Thanks for sharing. looking forward to reading more of your work.
Suggestions
The meter and rhyme seem to go suddenly out of kilter in the middle.
So that should be given some attention. This is the part that seems to need work.
To run at her daughter,
Armed with the snow.
And that's when she throws,
The snow from her hand,
Hitting her daughter,
As if it was planned.
Reducing the repetition of these words might be good.
she = 12
snow = 5
as = 5
and = 4
Daughter = 3
balls = 3
Not capitalizing the first letter of each new line would be nice.
As she [puts] on her boots, and walks around,
As she [puts] on her boots, and [walks] around,
Points: 664
Reviews: 841
Donate