Hi, I began to plan and write this novel a while back, and I have not got Chapter One and The prologue, which I just finished today. I am hoping to actually get this published so don't hold back whatsoever on any of your critique. I will accept it extrmemely gladly. This is a story about love and being cynical towards love - being hateful and loving at the same time. I hope you will enjoy it. I have found that my style is somewhat like Jane Austen at parts but it's overall very modern. I am really hoping you will find the subject matter interesting. The first part is all about the characters and setting. I suppose I could tell you what the great big plot point is, but I want to see if you will be kept interested from the first word without me telling you - must aim high! I will not be posting these inside a novel collection thingy, so if you like it, give me a follow and I will post the other chapers one by one as they are written. Thank you all in advance for your help and even if you don't comment, your readership!
P.S: I know this is just the prologue - I am about to do some more reviewing right now so that I may post chaper one as well - I wasn't able to post them together because of the character limit (My chapter are long - the book is only going to have 10 chapters) Hopefully by the time you read this, Chapter one will also be up. Finally, please review the prologue and Chapter one together in the review section for Chapter 1. Save this section for questions and answers about the book as a whole, because I suppose we need some kind of home page. Thank you again! 
She was only fourteen, you see. That's why she survived it – or maybe something in her died that was going to kill her. No, she has green eyes – she was never going to die in the first place. It wasn't even that hard, according to her. It was nothing, and everything at the same time. Up to this day, she isn't entirely sure what it was. All she knows is that she's glad her eyes are green, because nobody else's were even though they liked to pretend; but she loves them anyway.
She loves them very much actually.
Regardless of eye colour, this is the story of her life. But I must show it to you through her irises as well as her pupils, so it's hardly regardless, is it?
You may think her odd, sitting here in the back of this café, painting on her canvas, whispering her deepst secrets to the paint as it dries into the crevices. But you must understand, my dear canvas, that the job of a canvas is to be a blank window into life. Every bump is the face of one person reaching out to touch the paint with their many glazed eyes.
She is an artist. State the obvious. And she lives in a little café in central London on Maison Street – off of Regents Street. Her mother used to say that it meant their café was like a home to the world, because 'maison' is the French for 'house'. Haha – they all used to call her Mama, even the customers. Mama was quite young though, only about thirty three. And Rachel was fourteen...yes.
That's when it all changed for her.
And now, changed from what? You may ask, well, my green canvas, she is going to make a facial portrait of her heart; and when this green has dried well, I will shock you with the black of her hair and the blue and red of her scrunchie. Then you will understand.
But for now, my child, because her fire has begun to rain out like an emerald river onto the rose bushes, she shall tell those bumps on the canvas what they are and always will be: green.
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Canary word: Present
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
Anyway let's get right to it,
Uhhh...I do have to say I'm somewhat confused there. There's an unusual amount of focus put into the color of her eyes which makes for a very suspicious piece there, cause that's personally not something I've ever seen get that much attention before, especially when this appears to be some kind of dance between life and death, but then it just sort of seems to contradict itself one too many times there, so the mystery of the eyes ends up becoming a bit of a confusion of the eyes.
Hmm, this narrator is oscillating a little too frequently between describing what this main character is doing and referencing the history of the area. I feel like you'd need to do some more focusing on this setting first, then add in these little touches of backstory, as it is, it feels like neither of these two get explained particularly well here. Its not bad, just a little bit harder to understand than it needs to be.
The ending I'm sorry to say I genuinely cannot figure out what you're trying to say there, there's a lot going on about painting and perhaps you mean to have meaning in all of those colors, but personally I'm having a lot of trouble trying to figure out what these colors could possible mean. I think this one needs a bit of a rethink, cause while prologues are meant to be vague, this is too vague for us to understand enough to be interested in knowing more, you've gotta get people interested in knowing more without going so far as to completely confuse them.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
hey thanks for these new reviews but actually I'm working on a different novel now and yeah so thank you anyway, I might post my new novel here too idk
No offense, but the prologue feels like a long rambling session to me. While I do get what you're going for, I agree with IcyFlame that the first paragraph is a bit wierd and since the first paragraph sets the tone, it is difficult for me to read the rest having been influenced already.
The rest of the piece does well to describe who she is. If you're writing this novel as a, "I'm a historian and here is the tale of this girl," style, then I think it's ok to add little tid bits of dialogue that makes it seem like you're talking to the reader. If not, then please refrain from using it so much. For example,
"You?" I'm not in this story so I wouldn't think her odd. However, again, if you're deliberately trying to talk to the author, then it is fine. Overall, I am curious as well to know what happened.
I like the concept of this prologue, but I'm not a fan of the first paragraph. There is a lot of contradiction within it and whilst this can be good for establishing a character at certain points, here it just becomes confusing and hard to follow. You've been very vague throughout the piece and although this is usually the format of a prolgue, I find you don't pose enough questions that are improtant to the reader. Give them a little more information - something to grasp hold of and you'll have them hooked!
Hi there!
Well, this is certainly different! But in a good way, it leaves me curious as to what will happen next.
So this is a good start, just be careful not to be too vague in points, because that can lose the reader. Also, be careful with consistancy - I noticed that the first two paragraphs were quite vague, then the third one was all factual, then the ending was very vague again... Maybe spread out the facts a bit?
Apart from that, an interesting beginning and I'd like to know where you'll go with this.
~Lilicia
Anyway, I think this sounds kind of quirky and unique. Have you ever read a book by Jerry Spinelli called "Love, Stargirl"? It's through the eyes of a really unique teenage girl and it made me think of this. Back on subject, I'm curious to see where you go with this, so message me if you're ever looking for reviews on the next chapter.
Keep writing,
StoryWeaver