A tornado

hello, Ash here for a review
so a few things before i get into what i think about the poem
She said, "You'relike a tornado",

although I[i] did understand what she meant,

[i]I[i] still said, "what do [i]you mean, I don't know"(put a period here)

I had read (comma here) and heard (comma here) something like that before,

but those words from her, (<- remove the comma) meant too well,(<- remove comma, add period)

was it because she's the one I adore?.(<- remove the period)

Such a perfect balance of emotion and reason,

those words, just made too much sense, coming from her, (remove all commas in this line)

although simple, the more I thought about it.. (remove the .. and add a comma)

they just seemed to deepen.

was it just another sentence?

or did it have a special reference?

were those just words?

or am I just being too inclined towards?"
also, the last line just kinda doesn't end this poem on a good note
i really feel like you could've added more to this poem to make it stellar.
overall i do think this is a good poem, i understand what you're trying to say i just think there's more that you can say.
keep up the amazing writing
i look forward to seeing more from you in the future!
best!
>Ash

Thanks for sharing this poem about words that were said which apparently caused deep pondering to the person spoken to. The question is why? The words themselves were heard before and had never impressed the speaker in such a profound way. So he asks himself if his reaction is based on his love for the of who said them. Then we are told that it is because they are a perfect balance of emotion and reason. We are told that the more they are pondered the deeper they seem to feel.

I like the questioning style you employed which conveys an inner struggle to decipher what appears to be a paradox. If the words were heard before from others-then why are her words special the speaker asks? Ironically, the only one capable of answering is the person asking the question himself since he is intimately familiar with the issue.

Suggestions:

Please describe exactly how they seem deeper.
Please tell us exactly how are her emotions balanced with reason in order for us to evaluate that last question.


Punctuation suggestions are in brackets:



[S]he said, "[You’re] like a tornado[,]"

[A]lthough i did understand what she meant,

[I] still said, "[W]hat do [you] mean, i don't know[?]"

[I] had read and heard something [similar] before,

but those words from her meant too well[.]

[W]as it because she's the one [I] adore?

Such a perfect balance of emotion and reason[!]

[T]hose words, just made too much sense, coming from her,

[A]lthough simple, the more i thought about it

they just seemed to deepen.

[W]as it just another sentence[?]

[O]r did it have a special reference?

[W]ere those just words?

[O]r am [I] just being too inclined towards?

I agree with kanome that you have many grammatical errors in this poem.
It isn't a text message.
Keep up the work, if you keep writing you will Gert better.
Even if some people are naturally gifted, writing is like most things if you Lee practicing you can learn.
In the future I might spend more time editing.
When I write a poem my original is often very different than my final.

Hey, Aadya. Kanome here with a review. Let's get started, shall we?

NITPICKS:

she said, "ur like a tornado"

although i did understand what she meant,

i still said, "what do u mean, i don't know",