Young Writers Society

Home » Literary works » Poetry » Realistic

E - Everyone

Summer

by AS04


It has been so warm lately

Like summer's almost here

The sun is shining

Birds are singing

It's makes me want to cheer

I've been waiting for a while

For this season to arrive

So I can take off my jacket

And put on a dress

And happily go outside

And when the school year's over

I'll be out there with my friends

Having fun

Beneath the sun

Until summer ends

But right now it's still raining

So the trees and flowers will grow

I hope they'll all bloom

Soon, by June

When it's time for me to go


Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.







Is this a review?


  

Comments



User avatar
10 Reviews


Points: 684
Reviews: 10

Donate
Mon May 13, 2019 3:42 pm
Zenith says...



Hey AS04! First of all, welcome to YWS. Hope you're having a good time here.
Your poem is sweet and refreshing like summer itself. It reads well except for a few places where I feel you could possibly use better words. Like I can find in between you have started 3 sentences with "And" one after another. There's nothing wrong with that, just maybe it becomes a little repetitive. Also, you definitely need to work on your punctuation. You rhyming scheme keeps on varying, but I guess that's alright since poetry allows some freedom in that. Since this poem is about nature and summer, I strongly feel you should have made use of imageries, metaphors etc and other literary devices. This could have made the reader connect with the poem more.
But overall I feel you have done a good job in expressing your topic. Just a few changes and I'm sure this would become even better.
Happy writing!




User avatar
10 Reviews


Points: 684
Reviews: 10

Donate
Mon May 13, 2019 3:41 pm
Zenith wrote a review...



Hey AS04! First of all, welcome to YWS. Hope you're having a good time here.
Your poem is sweet and refreshing like summer itself. It reads well except for a few places where I feel you could possibly use better words. Like I can find in between you have started 3 sentences with "And" one after another. There's nothing wrong with that, just maybe it becomes a little repetitive. Also, you definitely need to work on your punctuation. Your rhyming scheme keeps on varying, but I guess that's alright since poetry allows some freedom in that. Since this poem is about nature and summer, I strongly feel you should have made use of imageries, metaphors etc and other literary devices. This could have made the reader connect with the poem more.
But overall I feel you have done a good job in expressing your topic. Just a few changes and I'm sure this would become even better.
Happy writing!




User avatar
30 Reviews


Points: 1334
Reviews: 30

Donate
Mon May 13, 2019 1:03 pm
GigiNicole17 wrote a review...



HI!!! I'm Gig, here with a review for you!

Great poem! I think you captured the essence of Summer, perfectly. I personally can really relate to this because I live in Texas..if you know what I mean by that. One thing that I would say improve would be your use of punctuation. I know that in poetry that's a little difficult, but I noticed that you did use some in places that were needed great job on that. I think that some places you could've used more punctuation to make those stand out more.

"And when the school year's over

I'll be out there with my friends

Having fun

Beneath the sun

Until summer ends"

That would be a place where I would insert some punctuation just to make those memories stand out.

Great job, overall though! I really enjoyed your poem

Keep Writing

~Gigi, The Jesus Freak :D





The most important service rendered by the press and the magazines is that of educating people to approach printed matter with distrust.
— Samuel Butler