Published April 17, 2010
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Canary word: Present
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140,133 Literary Works • 673,031 Reviews
I meant *Simple
Its sinple, but cute.
Nice work!! :]
Keep it up...
hi
i didn't understand what you were trying to say here.i agree with elinor, you need to expand more on this awesome idea. I was like, cool, cool, cool, oh it's over.
one line that confused me was...
Hi!
Okay, so I liked what you were trying to do with this poem. At first I thought it was a bit cliché, but after a second read through I realized what you were trying to do.
I think you need to expand upon your idea a little bit more. Why is the narrator saying these things to the reader? Why is it relevant? Why shouldn't the reader know anything that you listed? What do you want your reader to walk away with? Right now, it's a quick, "Yeah, okay, so?" Think about that when you revise.
Overall, I think okay. Your first draft wasn't perfect, obviously, but that will come with revision.
My Rating:
6.5/10
PM me if you have questions!
-Elinor xo