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A Rift Between Magi: Chapter 3

by ANADIR


Night couldn’t end fast enough for Rick. When the sun finally broke through the curtains, Rick sat down at the foot of the bed.

“I know you’re awake. I saw your hand twitch.”

Jen pushed herself up against the wall.

“It looks like you learned a lot since I left.” She pushed a little hair out of her eyes.

Rick shrugged. “Maybe I did. But this is about you. What the heck did you think you were doing? Why did you just disappear like that, and what happened to your parents? Also, where is Nick?”

Pain flashed across Jen’s face.

“Just how much do you know about who I am?” She carefully prodded.

“You’re a Magi, and a strong one. Nick is a Maji. That’s about it.” Rick replied.

Jenna pulled the blankets up a bit higher.

“Where are my clothes?”

Rick gestured to a pile of bloody rags on the floor.

“Over there. Now could you continue?”

“I’d rather have something to wear first.”

Rick pulled his shirt off and threw it to her.

“There. Now fess up.”

She pulled the shirt over her head. “I left because I didn’t want you to get caught up in the struggle between factions. You already know about the Magi and the Maji. Back a few thousand years, the strongest ones from each group had some issues and started fighting with each other. All the others with powers quickly joined in the fight, and the war was so fierce that the mortals of that time started to take notice of us. They feared us from the start because we could do things they could not, and they would band together to take us down. Since our population was so small, the Magi and Maji came together and decided to fade away from existence in order to preserve themselves. However, the two warring factions still existed. So in order to keep peace between them, the warring factions went to different ends of the earth to avoid any interactions. Their names were the Black Sun and Gleaming Moon. Black Sun wanted to remain hidden from mortals, while Gleaming Moon wanted to reveal themselves completely and demonstrate that they weren’t a threat. The treaty that both sides signed agreed to keep themselves completely secret because of their low numbers. Until they had enough members to safely reveal, they would stay hidden.”

“What faction are you part of?” Rick asked.

“I’m part of Black Sun. But if we get back on topic, something has been going wrong recently. It appears that a third organization has formed, and they want to eliminate mortals completely. They’ve already killed several political leaders, and they have infiltrated our ranks. I was sent on a mission as a part of a school project. We were to investigate a few areas that seemed suspicious. Nick and I were investigating that club when we found someone in the alley. When I went to question him, I got clubbed in the head by someone. Somehow, they repressed my powers. You can probably guess what happened next. I didn’t stand a chance in a fight after a head wound like that. Before they could finish me off, I guess they heard you and ran off for some reason. But I saw Nicholas go with them voluntarily.”

Jen looked furious. Nick kicked the bed.

“I knew that kid was a sleazebag. One thing though. What kind of school sends their kids on that kind of field trip? And where were your parents during all of this?”

Jen sighed. “The school I go to is a special college for Magi and Maji. And the people you knew as our parents were actually just caretakers. Our real parents aren’t known because any children born from Magi are taken in order to avoid influence to any one faction. It was part of the treaty they agreed on. After I went into complete hiding at the Mounte Whitecap, which is the school, they were assigned new children to take care of and relocated to a different part of the world.”

Rick frowned. “So they know about the Magi and Maji? If they don’t influence the kids, does that mean they’re normal humans?”

Jen nodded. “They’re normal humans who figured the Magi and Maji out. They’re just like you.”

Rick smirked. He was willing to bet he was nothing like them.

“Well, I guess that clears everything up. So, when are we going?”

Jen looked up at Rick. “What are you talking about? You’re not coming with me.”

Rick grinned. “Yes I am. You can’t leave me behind this time.”

Jenna held her hand out. A ball of swirling air appeared in it.

“This can cut through solid steel. You have no way to fight against it. You’d be dead the second you walked into the school.”

Rick concentrated on the ball of swirling air. He had been trying to communicate with any of the elements all night, and he had no luck. However, once Jen had started the communication, he could sense a weak link between the two. He gingerly reached out with his mind.

“Hello?”

/Greetings, Human/ I interface with Jen Magi/ You wait/

“I can’t. I need to go with her, and the only way I can convince her is to show her I’m not as weak as I used to be. Can you just stop the spinning ball for a little?”

/No/ Jen Magi is Friend/ Will not help you/

“I’m doing this to protect her. She could be hurt again, like she was last night.”

The little ball flared in rage when Rick mentioned Jen’s bruised form last night.

/Will help once/Just for Jen Magi/

There was a light sputter, and the ball of wind disappeared. Jen’s eyes widened.

“What did you do?”

Rick shrugged. “If you’re keeping secrets, so am I. But I’m not helpless. Speaking of helpless, last night, had more red and blue on you than your normal almond skin color. Today, you look like an almond again. What’s up with that?”

Jen reddened. “I told you a while ago to stop referring to my skin color as an almond. It sounds so degrading. And the Magi and Maji have increased healing. I probably would have died if you didn’t find me, though.” Jen admitted grudgingly.

“Perfect. I’ll be coming with you then. And if it helps, I’m no safer here than I would be at your school ting. On the day you disappeared, someone tried to kill me.”

Jen jumped out of bed, then jumped back in, going as red as a tomato.

“Give me some pants.” She said sheepishly.

Rick pulled an older pair from his closet and threw it to her.

“There. And you don’t have to worry about me that much anymore. I got away safely, and he never came after me again.”

Jen sighed. “Maybe not here, but if I do let you come with me, you’ll have to do what I say. The rules there are really different. But for now, just turn around.”

Rick raised an eyebrow. “How do I know you aren’t just going to hop out of my window the moment I turn my back on you?”

“I’ll admit I thought of it, but I can’t leave an untrained Magi around. My instructors would kill me. I swear I’ll stick around.”

“Good enough for me. But if you do jump ship, I’ll track you down and tie you to a post.”

“Do you think you could actually beat me in a fight?” Jen cracked her neck.

“I’ll tell you what. Let’s spar after you get dressed; the loser makes breakfast.”

“First to three hits?” Jen asked.

Rick nodded. “Sounds good.”

Rick sighed as he pushed eggs around a frying pan with his spatula.

“Throwing my shirt at me and hitting me while I was blind was a dirty trick.” He complained.

Jen laughed through a mouthful of pancakes.

“You still lost. Real fighting isn’t as polite and controlled as your classes. But I have to admit you’ve gotten pretty good in one year.”

Rick poured the eggs into a plate and plopped down at the table, fending off Jen’s fork.

“You already took my pancakes, stay away from my eggs.”

She pouted at him, but Rick crossed his arms.

“That isn’t going to work on me.”

The moment Rick’s arms were crossed, Jen’s fork shot out and snagged a good portion of his food.

“Hey! Stop that!”

Rick tilted his plate back, pouring the rest of the eggs into his mouth. He mumbled something through the eggs and Jen raised an eyebrow. Rick swallowed and tried again.

“Where’s the school?”

“It’s off in Alaska. But don’t worry about a flight, There’s a Maji at school who controls space. He’s an instructor. I’ll just call him and he’ll teleport us over.”

“That’s pretty cool.” Rick said.

Jen nodded. “Yeah. But please try not to make any enemies too fast. Any actions you do may not have much of an affect yet, but if I step in to defend you, I represent Black Sun. I don’t want to start any unneeded issues.”

Rick shrugged. “I’ll do my best. Let me call my parents up and tell them I’m going on a big job, and then I’ll cancel the ten or so private investigators I had looking for you.”

Jen reddened. “You put that much work into it?”

“Heck yes I did. I wanted my friend back.”

“Awh, that’s so touching.”

“Don’t get used to it. You still had my favorite hoodie and I wanted it back.” Rick replied.

“It wouldn’t even get close to fitting you anymore.”

Rick ignored her. He quickly canceled the private investigations, giving a halfhearted excuse about getting over it, and left a message for his parents.

“Ok, call your teleport dude.”

Jen beckoned for his cell.

“Don’t you have your own? My plan sucks.” Rick complained.

Jen pointed at the heap of bloody rags.

“Mine is in there.”

Rick handed her the cell phone.

“Hey, Magister Tony? I need a port for two.”

“No, Nicholas is…well, I’ll explain it later. Port everyone within like ten feet of this cell phone.”

Jen stepped towards Rick, and held a hand up. A ball of swirling wind erupted around them.

“Don’t touch it. This will stop you from getting shot on the spot when they see you’re not a part of any faction.”

A moment later, the world around them warped and Rick’s apartment disappeared. In its place was a massive auditorium. College aged students filled the rows of seats, and a thin man with a pointy little hat was standing in front of them, staring at Rick in surprise.

As Jen had predicted, several blasts of elements slammed into the shield. Jen stumbled slightly, but the shield held.

Magister Tony held his hand up.

“And who would you be?” He asked Rick.

“I’m Rick Adronus. Nice to meet you.”

“I don’t care about your name, Mr. Adronus. I’m more interested in what you are.”

Rick shrugged. “You should have asked that then.”

Magister Tony glared at Rick, but a slight smile inched its way across his face.

“It is apparent that you know a good bit about the Magi and Maji. Are you one of us?”

Rick shrugged. “Dunno.”

The other rolled his eyes. “Probably a mortal, but could just as easily be a new Magi or Maji trying to hide their powers for a small edge. I’ll humor you then, Mr. Adronus. I’ll assume you’ve come here in order to join the school. I will decide if I will allow you entry after Ms. Calthorne explains what happened to her partner and school project.”

Rick glanced at Jen. “Calthorne? I thought your last name was Smith.”

Jen shushed him.

“Nicholas betrayed me. We went to investigate a suspicious individual when someone hit me over the head from behind. When I refused to give them any information about Mounte Whitecap, they tried to beat it out of me. They were just about to finish me off when Rick showed up and they ran. Nicholas willingly ran with them.”

“Are you sure you two didn’t just have a lovers quarrel?” Someone from the crowd called out.

Magister Tony waved his hand, and the offending student disappeared.

“No dinner for you. You shall not interrupt a meeting!” Magister Tony snarled.

He turned back to Jen.

“The question posed was correct, however. Were there any romantic issues between you and Nicholas before his betrayal?”

Jen glared.

“No, but there are now. If I see him again, I’ll…”

“That’s enough out of you, Ms. Calthorne. Your point has been proven. Rick Adronus will be allowed to join Mounte Whitecap, and will replace your previous roommate. His name shall be stricken from our records, and he shall be marked for death. Let none of our students speak of him again.”

“He is no more.” The students chorused.

Magister Tony waved his hand again, and Rick found himself sitting on a bed across from Jen.

She flopped back on the bed.

“Whew, that went better than I expected. For a moment I was sure we were both going to be shot.”

Rick looked around the room.

“Is teleporting the only way to get around in here? Don’t you guys have elevators or something?”

Jen threw her pillow at Rick and he jumped to avoid it.

“Of course teleporting isn’t the only way around. Magister Tony has other roles too.”

“Oh, obliviously. I know everything that’s going on around here. I’ve been a resident for at least a year now, but I won’t tell my friend anything important. It’s on a strictly need to know basis.” Rick said sarcastically.

Jen got out of bed to retrieve her pillow and sat down at a small wooden desk.

“Look, I’ll go get you a bloody map. Ok?”

Rick grinned.

“Perfect, that’s just what I want. Should I come with you?”

Jen snorted. “Please don’t. My goal is to keep you alive for at least one day.”

She tossed Rick a small key.

“If for some obscene reason you need to leave, that’s the key. Don’t forget to lock the door.”

Rick agreed absent mindedly and Jenna walked out the door. A moment later Rick heard a click as Jen locked it.

“So why don’t you come out already? I can hear you.” Rick said, pulling out his gun and pointing it at the dresser.


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Sun Jul 31, 2016 12:05 pm
Mea wrote a review...



Hey there! I'm here for a quick review, and I apologize if I get stuff wrong because I haven't read previous parts of this.

I like this! I really like the characters of Rick and Jen. Their personalities both seem pretty distinct to me, and I like their repartee.

I think you could describe the rooms they are in a bit more thoroughly - I want to know what this place looks like! Right now, almost all you have in a lot of places is just dialogue and a sentence or two of a character moving. That doesn't make your world feel like it's fleshed out!

You have a few small grammar errors here and there, like using absentmindedly as two words instead of one, and saying Jenna at strange times instead of Jen, but overall this was very nice and easy to read.

Jen looked furious. Nick kicked the bed.

I'm pretty sure you meant Rick kicked the bed, not Nick.

I like how you skipped the fight, but still showed the aftermath of it and had them talk about it - we didn't really need to see them fight, but we still got the benefit of the character development.

To be honest, I'm surprised they believed Jen so easily about Nicholas. I know I haven't read previous parts, but it didn't take much explanation before they agreed to banish him forever. I mean sure, the fact that he's missing is compelling, but for all they know Jen could be a spy and she could have killed him and is now covering it up. It just feels a bit too convenient - it's the same with how easily they accepted Rick.

And that's all I've got for you this time! Good luck, and keep writing!




ANADIR says...


Thanks for the review! :D



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Sun Jul 31, 2016 12:03 pm
Omni wrote a review...



Yo Anadir!

Happy Review Day! I haven't read the other two chapters yet, but I just wanted to give you a quality (at least in my opinion) Green Room review.

Some disclaimers. One, I read as I go along, so if there's something I pointed out that gets explained later on, please just excuse that. Two, my review may be harsh, but it's not personal. Please just take it as constructive criticism. Alrighty, let's dive into this!

“I know you’re awake. I saw your hand twitch.”


I have been known to twitch when asleep! Hah, there's that being disproved!

Rick pulled his shirt off and threw it to her.


Man I don't know this Rick guy yet but he's very straightforward.

The treaty that both sides signed agreed to keep themselves completely secret because of their low numbers. Until they had enough members to safely reveal, they would stay hidden.”


So, I know Rick told Jenna to fess up, but she didn't need to monologue and exposition that much.

It appears that a third organization has formed, and they want to eliminate mortals completely.


Ah, the common enemy. This seems very similar to X-Men!

Jen looked furious. Nick kicked the bed.


You mean Rick kicked the bed?

After I went into complete hiding at the Mounte Whitecap,


You mean Mount Whitecap? Mounte isn't a word.

but I can’t leave an untrained Magi around.


So is Rick just a normal human or is he the untrained Magi?

Rick sighed as he pushed eggs around a frying pan with his spatula.


You should have made some sort of separation to show that a decent amount of time had passed. It took me a couple of seconds to realize that this was after their supposed fight.

I represent Black Sun. I don’t want to start any unneeded issues.”


That's actually really smart of Jenna to say that! If she steps in to defend Rick from any Gleaming Moon peeps, then that means the whole Black Sun defends Rick, and bam there's a war started. Maybe this is some foreshadowing?

“Don’t get used to it. You still had my favorite hoodie and I wanted it back.” Rick replied.


This would've been even funnier if he said "I was talking about my hoodie" to her. Great comedy and interactions between the two, though!

“No dinner for you. You shall not interrupt a meeting!” Magister Tony snarled.


Maybe Magister Tony shouldn't have meetings in the middle of a lot of students then XD

“So why don’t you come out already? I can hear you.” Rick said, pulling out his gun and pointing it at the dresser.


So this is a good cliffhanger on its own, but you gave the reader no indication that Rick had heard anything from the dresser. This kinda came as a shocker for me nd the cliffhanger isn't as big now.

So, I quite enjoyed this chapter. I'll get to reviewing the other chapters soon. The banter between Rick and Jenna was great and the usage of magic was pretty cool. Once they entered the school was when it got a bit rocky, but it was still good nonetheless. I look forward to reading the other two chapters you posted and anything more you have in the future.




ANADIR says...


Thanks for the review :) Mounte Whitecap is the actual name of the school, it isn't JUST a mountain. Some of your other questions are answered as well in other chapters. :D



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Thu Jun 30, 2016 11:52 pm
yizhongt wrote a review...



Hey there, yizhongt here to leave a short review.

I really enjoyed reading what you have written. I like the entire premise of the story actually. It reminds me somewhat of Harry Potter, in a good way. So will the school for magi and maji be somewhat similar to Hogwarts? Or will it be slightly different?

The interactions between the characters were well written. I liked the back and forth banter between the two characters. The story flowed well and smoothly. It did not feel disjointed in any way what so ever.

In terms of grammar and spelling, I did not notice any mistakes. That being said, I could have missed some mistakes, if it was not obvious or glaring.

All in all, I loved this piece. I might just go back and check the previous chapters while waiting for the next one. Keep writing!




ANADIR says...


Thanks for the review. Only a small part of the story will actually take place within the school, but the school does share some resemblances with Hogwarts.




I’d heard he had started a fistfight in one of the seedier local taverns because someone had insisted on saying the word “utilize” instead of “use".
— Patrick Rothfuss, A Wise Man's Fear