What bridges you conquered when you
faltered before you crossed are the ones
worth crossing, walking to mainland
only air there to stop you, hesitant
Disorientation--sky into sea and you watch
yourself, rising or falling, now that there's
no difference whatsoever what do you do?
What fire you inhaled is what turned you
to convenient dust and ashes out of the
smokestacks feeding the oiled clouds,
what rooftops you skittered over and
what windows you obscured and what
coated kid you fooled into believing you
were snow as you rained down over, ten
times over, a hundred times over you
lived, and maybe you're still living, but who
can be sure of the mirages, the timeline
of the world like a string, and the ends that
join together somehow anyway, in the end?
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,857 Reviews
Hey, just wanted to say that I really enjoyed this. It's so interesting. <3
Hey! Sorry for the short review!
I really liked this poem. I thought it was really poetic and beautiful. I think if you add better punctuation and grammar to it it'll be even better! I also felt like the ending was a little abrupt and I'm not a huge fan of the ending in a question. I find it's rather cliche and a tad annoying.
Other than that I loved this poem!
I hope my review was helpful,
Alice ♥
Hi 99coffeebeans! Starting off this was in my opinion a great poem. I am not the best person to critique poems, but from my perspective I can see a great poem in the making if a little editing is made. First of all I know that there isn't any punctuation as you said, but I feel that with it, it could somewhat help it especially since I wasn't sure how to read this and felt lost at times. Other then that I thought that it was perfect and had great ambiance at times.
Thanks for letting us read such a great poem!
~g1ldv