One life

PreviousNext

Prologue

A hand, fingers so thin and cold they looked as if they may snap. Mia was jealous, her own stubby fingers would never look that pretty, never be good enough to wear a golden band around them. That didn't matter though, she knew that she would never marry. Looking around the room all she could see were blossoms and red roses, each of them dancing with the perfect man, a soldier, a lord, always important, always a bastard.

Mia Langeston wasn't ugly, like she sounds, just very invisable and perhaps not the most abstract looking girl. Her skin was the colour of condensed milk, with a starburst of cinnamon freckles across her cheeks and nose. Her eyes weren't overly large but shone a pretty jade green. She wore her usually loose mid length curls of pale, sunset auburn hair up that night as dancing at a ball with long hair was not practical. The dress she wore was the colour of her eyes and trimmed with gold and pearl silk.

Taking a deep breath, she sighed with boredom and sat in the nearest window seat, it was only two more hours till she could return home and sleep for what would feel like eternity. "Excuse me?" She was so nearly asleep that the voice made her jump out of her skin. "Yes?", she thought he might ask her to make room for his lady or ask her if she had seen some blossom or rose bud. "Would you care to dance?" Shocked, she focused on the man. His skin was foreign and the colour of caramel, his hair was rich and golden. Heavenly eyes of aqua sat on his heavenly defined cheek bones. Taking the gentleman's hand, they moved onto the dance floor and teisted and turned for a few minutes. "You are very beautiful tonight." This was how it always started, she thought; a compliment and a kiss on the cheek would later result in her disgrace and a forced marriage. "Thankyou." Any other girl would find this man utterly angelic but Mia was finding him utterly boring and predictable. After the dance she made the excuse of feeling dizzy and requested that she be left alone to get fresh air.

The August air was sticky and warm on her skin, the sky was ablaze with pinks and marroons as she walked into the gardens and past the stables. Horses, at home she would talk to them whenever she felt lonely and now she was. The stable was dimly lit but warm from the straw. Six horses stood in lines, some dozed off and others jumpy from her arrival. "Hello." She began carressing the nearest horse's shoulder and then leant her head against it's coal black fur. It's chest began to beat fast, it was scared of something, she could tell. Stepping out of the cubicle the most amazing bird caught her eye. A giant pair of raven's wings that streched arcoss the stable, the bird must have been as big as the horse. "Ohhh," she marvelled at the beauty of the wings. Suddenly they shot up to reveal a man, he was frightened, eyes wild as a feral child. "Please don't scream!" Staying on the spot he stretched out his arms in panic. "Why would I scream?" Instantly she had adored him, she loved him. The black of his wings, his hair. The hazel of his eyes and the redness of his lips. Palm outstretched she went to touch him, but he stepped back.

"Aren't you afraid?" He was shocked at how little she feared him and let her walk closer to him. "Why would I be afraid? You are an angel, fallen maybe but still an angel."  A palm on his chest and a hand resting on a wing she looked at him. "The other is an angel too? You're both here for me?" Suddenly a flash of silver broke through. "You shall not have her!"

Comments & reviews · 3
Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.

User avatar
ka67
Review
ka67 wrote a review · Sat Mar 02, 2013 5:40 pm

I like the piece, and it seems ready to launch into action, but some of it is unclear. The girl is easy to understand I quite enjoy the way you describe her and the foreigner, but maybe more of her life? It seems like she expects to be ridiculed into some terrible life, but has it happened to those she knows? Where does she expect this information? Also, at the end, the angel seems to burst out of no where, but that last paragraph seems almost...the most confusing part. Really, who says "The other is an angel too? You're both here for me?" it seems to be coming from the girl but it is not specified as her and who is the other angel? I would not mind a second part, I would quite enjoy reading it, but maybe perk this one up a little?

All over,I quite like it. Continue if possible!

User avatar
sharitm2
Comment

I really liked this piece, but I feel as if it's all happening too fast, especially towards the end. i didn't completely understood what happened towards the end. I think you should slow it down a bit by adding more description. Otherwise, good job and keep writing!
~Sharitm2

thanks for the review, you were very helpful!

User avatar
davidechoe13
Review

I liked this piece immensely, the description of the characters was very good it shows how i need to work on that myself, i saw the characters easily in my imagination, but what is going on? this is a prologue i understand that maybe i'm not supposed to know everything but where is Mia at? I assumed she was at a ball or something because she started dancing with the man. Then near the end when the raven guy popped up i started to get confused i was losing the picture and then when the angel stuff was mentioned it all flew by to fast in my opinion i understand that it may be meant to be a fast sequence but i didn't have a very good picture of what was going on throughout really the whole piece. A little more description as to what is going on would be excellent. I'm sorry if i make it sound awful but it isn't i would very much like to read more.

thanks, i'll work on thows points



As the notifications drift in I stop and wonder. Why do they take so long? Do they have adventures we don't know about? I bet they do. When they come I will ask myself. What amazing adventure has this straggling notification been on? How far did it travel, and why didn't it take me?
— TypoWithoutCoffee