Young Writers Society

The material for this poem is good. Potential, I see. However, try to work out on how you express your message. In a poem, you don't tell people what you feel. But you show them how you are feeling it. What was it like to be scared? You make comparison. You make unfamiliar familiar. Don't say that you are scared. Describe the feeling of being scared. I love this though. Hope to read more poems from you.

Uhhhh very good but it kind of sounds really morbid. I love writing in prose. Did you take inspiration for this? I like how its like you talking

Ay there.

This won't be too long because there's not much poetry to review--and that's my damning criticism! What you have here is a list of sentiments that hasn't been fashioned into anything. Think of it as a blog post with line breaks. Consumable, publishable poetry takes these raw ingredients, as listed, and reforges them into a being of different shape. This means literary elements: narration, imagery, lyricism, evocation of thought or feeling, etc.

As it stands, your piece has none of these elements, and I'm loathe to call it a poem. Take this to a very large drawing board and consider scenes or images that would convey these feelings of mistrust and betrayal, of being hated and lonely, of feeling psycho (which I find insensitive, bee tee dubs), and actually give me, the reader, a reason to care about the grocery list you've given.

Find a conduit of your emotion. Put the emotion in. Fashion the conduit into an approachable shape. That's poetry.

Hope this helps,
Ty