Young Writers Society

Hey Dogs here to comment!

You gave my poem a comment, so the least I can do is comment on yours as well. I found this poem very relatable, and understanding. I have stumbles in life as well, but I wouldn't want to make you very, really bored with the details. You have a very nice, relatable poem here, and I hope other's can relate to it as well.

Keep up the great writing,
Love,
Dogs

Hi there! First off, welcome to Young Writers Society! I hope you are enjoying the site before. I have a few areas that I'd like to comment on regarding your poem.

Grammar
I think you could take another look at capitalization and punctuation in this piece.
There seems to be a lot of unnecessary commas - there doesn't need to be a punctuation mark at the end of every line; it ends up being a little distracting in my opinion.

The punctuation is a personal choice; but I think the choice to capitalize the beginning of every line really emphasizes the repetition of the same beginning words as well emphasizes how short some of the lines are; by creating a more dramatic line break. Every time the reader sees a capital letter or punctuation mark they'll naturally pause a little, and if these fall at line breaks, it gives the poem a more stilted feeling to read. But like I said, it's a personal choice, as it depends on the effect the author is going for - that's just my two cents on that.

Word Choice & Formatting
Your word choice in this poem is very very repetitive. You especially use the words "alright", "I" and "but" a lot. I don't think that is necessarily a bad thing because as it makes the point get across very clearly. I would have liked to see a little bit more figurative language and maybe even stanza breaks to break up the ideas of the poem into clearer sections. Overall though I liked the format and the short lines at the end.

Overall Content
There certainly seems to be a lot of emotion behind this poem - which in my opinion is start of any good poetry. The content and meaning is pretty clear to understand, and I think you convey the emotion you're feeling pretty clearly and simply. I think you could make it more specific and possibly add in some figurative language since right now it's pretty stark (not a lot of detail ie. How did you fall? Why are you fine? Why can't you say you're depressed?) Some more details would fill in the reader, so they can latch on to the story behind the meaning.

Best of luck in your future writing!

~alliyah

Hello Remington38 it is a pleasure to meet you

Wow. That is all I have to say that will probably make sense. This was beautiful and emotional. I love realistic poetry like this that strips your emotion bare and unprotected because it makes you feel. You have accomplished a way to make people feel these emotions some may not feel. Personally this is very relatable because I would be interested in how often I say the phrase "I'm alright." I know enough for it to become a thoughtless and automatic response. This as beautiful and I loved it. You are a very talented writer and I am looking forward to reading more of what you have to write.