Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for violence.

Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
text version:
Spoiler
four. mayibeexcused
one night, after dinner (we ate lamb with our hands)
my father stepped out of the room and did
not come back. we searched, knowing
the boundary between outside and in.
i think the house might have
swallowed him whole.
(we have gone through too many cats;
the animal shelter has blacklisted us.)
the house grew quieter. the walls were
warm and a little damp, like the
inside of a cheek. i traced my hand along it
until I found the lips, and with all my strength
i tried to part them. they did not
part. they only tightened.
above me, the ceiling began to grind.
i remember that it started small.
like tiny milk teeth
hailing from the sky, rattling on the roof tiles.
each tooth was one i had not grown.
then,
the stones came.
as big
as a fist
as
big as
a my
(her)
mouth
e
the roof opened up like a jaw, and i was the tongue
and the stones tasted like chalk and ice and weather
and the sun, the sun, which i had only been told about,
stood in the kitchen like a guest. she smiled and gathered
up the teeth in greedy handfuls.
4. (it is rude to leave before the bones are clean.)
I read through your whole collection "a body that will not behave", enraptured. each one is so visceral and creative. I love the use of parentheses and footnotes. I honestly admire and aspire to your command of language and imagery.
and creates a sense of catharsis as the mouth that imprisons the speaker becomes the thing that releases them. There's an interesting sense of reversal as the speaker is freed from the violence that surrounds them by the violence of the weather.To me, this poem seemed to represent escape from an oppressive environment. The juxtaposition between
I especially liked the image of the teeth raining down. The formatting in the line is so evocative of scraggly milk teeth in a mouth, or a haphazard rhythm.
The personification of the sun as a smiling guest is very interesting. It's a very gentle image, a huge contrast to the sombre and severe beginning.
Overall, I found this poem fascinating. Thank you for sharing it!
thank you so much for your review, cyan!