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The little girl stays with me - Chapter Two

by 4revgreen


Chapter Two

For just a moment, Lena stared at Jakobina with a blank look on her face. This whole night felt so unreal, and she found herself longing for her deceased brother to be at her side. Marek always knew what to do; even as a child he had been a natural born leader. She remembered fondly about their childhood in Poland, where Marek would lead her around the rural area that they lived in, showing her all his favourite hiding spots. Years later, it had been Lena showing their younger sister, Zoja, the spots when Marek had left to study at university in America. If he were here now, he would reassure her that everything was going to be fine, and Lena would not need to be brave, as he would always be there to protect her. If Zoja were here now, Lena would have to be the brave one. On her own, she was just Lena.

“Lena?” Jakobina waved her now clean hands in front of Lena's face, freeing her from her trance “Did you hear me?”

She nodded, a strand of her dark hair escaping from her high ponytail as she did so. It fell down, sweeping across her face “I saw. The man- his back-” She took a deep breath, put her half-empty coffee mug down on the counter, and pushed the loose strand of hair behind her ear “It looked like someone had ripped his flesh off. Clean off, like, like-”

Whole body trembling, she looked away from Jakobina. Had the room always been this cold, or was she just suddenly getting a chill? It felt as though someone had left all the windows and doors in the building open; a quick glance down the hall told her that the door were very much shut.

“Like what, Lena?” Jakobina glanced down the hall too, unsure of what had unsettled her.

“I don't know, it's stupid,” She shrugged her shoulders, pulling her arms close around her. The tight white lab coat stretched at the seams, and Lena was sure she felt it tear “We should be helping, they need everyone they've got.”

“No- what were you going to say about the man?” Jakobina pressed on, her accent even thicker now she was slightly nervous. Her father had once told her that she had a way of getting people to talk, even if they didn't want to. Most of the time, she supposed it was because she was quite an intimidating woman- almost six foot, slightly overweight with short, choppy black hair and a very thick German accent. Puberty hadn't been kind to her, and her face was covered in deep scars from where she'd picked at her acne as a teenager. Lena found her eyes staring up at the scars when she turned to face the woman.

“It was as though- as though something had taken a bite out of him.”

The two women stood in silence for a couple of seconds before the atmosphere was once again unsettled by the arrival of a man in a suit. He peered round the door, and when he spotted Lena and Jakobina standing idly in the middle of the room he stepped in. Jakobina recognised him; Lena did not.

“Sorry to disturb, but your presence is requested in the- Oh, I don't know the English word for it. The little room with the chairs where families sit?” Lena guessed the man was Danish. She also could not remember the English name for the room, nor the French. Both her and the Danish man looked to Jakobina for her input.

“Waiting room?” The man nodded, and Jakobina flashed him a quick smile, revealing a gap where one of her front teeth should have been “I didn't know you were working today, Albin.”

“I wasn't meant to, but I rushed in as soon as I heard what happened. But really, they have asked for you two in the waiting room.”

The three of them left the kitchen, and Lena realised she still had her plastic gloves on. She quickly peeled them off, revealing the cut she'd made with the scalpel earlier. A small, crimson drop of blood splashed onto the blue tile beneath her feet, but she didn't stop to dwell over it. There were people dying that needed her attention, she figured. She'd been nothing but useless so far.

They entered the waiting room which was to the right of the kitchen, down another long hallway. It was a brightly coloured place, littered with toys for the children and magazines for the adults. Someone had knocked over the box that held the magazines, and they were strewn over the floor. One lay open to reveal an advert for an upcoming horror film; how appropriate.

Stood on one of the chairs, towards the back of the room, was Henri Du Gruy. He was the chief doctor, and Lena was surprised he wasn't working in the operation theatre- he was probably the most skilled person here.

After clearing his throat to quieten the room, he asked “Anglais ou Français?” The room responded with a soft murmur of both languages “I'll settle for English, then. I would first like to thank you all for your hard work so far, but there is a lot to do. So far only one patient has died, and I would like it to stay that way. Currently, eight patients are in the operation theatres undergoing surgeries that will either kill them, or save them. I would like it to be the latter. We will be working on skin grafts; you all need to get out there and help. Even if you are not properly qualified, just be of assistance. Talk to the patients, assure them it will be okay,” Henri pointed a finger at someone close to him “Cassidy, you will be in charge of the phone, along with Mr Clark there. Don't be persuaded by any press. Do not let them know what we are facing yet.”

Lena wondered why two doctors had to be in charge of the phone in a situation as critical as this, but she knew Henri must have his reasons.

“Ms Bryk?” Lena looked up at the mention of her name; she'd found herself staring at the fresh cut on her finger, irritating the skin by picking at it “I need you to stay with the fireman.”

“The fireman?”

“The man with the burnt hands- the one who keeps shouting. You have experience with those kind of patients, do you not?”

She nodded, though she was not wholly sure of what he meant. Those kind of patients? Patients who were conscious despite the severity of their injuries? He was right; she did have experience, but that didn't mean she wanted to be the one tending to him. Jakobina reassuringly rubbed Lena's shoulder with a firm hand.

With a slight harshness in his tone, Henri instructed Lena to go to the ICU ward, on the second floor “He will need constant care, Lena. Don't leave his room. I trust you.”

Why do you trust me? She thought to herself as she pulled away from Jakobina's grip and left the waiting room. Granted, she had always been the one people looked to when there was extreme injuries such as the one's the fireman had sustained, and she was very good at her job, but every night she would break down crying over what she'd seen. The boy with his face cut in two haunted her dreams almost every night too, with his one remaining pale blue eye hanging from its socket. Lena closed her eyes momentarily as she turned right towards the stairs, and the boy's face flashed behind her eyelids. She winced.

Upon reaching the top of the stairs, she paused for a moment before allowing her eyes to settle on the door that lead to the ICU. Across from her, the lift doors opened and a team of nurses wheeled a gurney out, another crispy patient curled up on top of it. The smell wafted over to her again, and she retched. Though it made her feel guilty, she wished death upon all the poor souls who's skin had been blackened by the explosion. Their quality of life would never be good again. Perhaps the fireman could heal from this, physically. Mentally, she wasn't so sure.

He was shouting now, and Lena took a deep breath, the scent of burnt human flesh once again ramming its way down her throat. This is your job, Lena, She told herself before approaching the door. Her fingers gripped the cold metal handle, and it took a further few seconds for her to build up the courage to actually open the door.


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Thu Apr 11, 2019 5:09 am
EternalRain wrote a review...



Hi again!

I’m loving the story. I like how we’re introduced to Jakobina, who appears to be slightly important. She’s curiously intriguing and hopefully we’ll learn more about her as the story progresses! I think there was a little change in POV - seems like it’s been third person limited until it switches to Jakobina. I think that’s something you could decide for yourself on (and commit to)!

I also like how we get to see more of Lena’s turmoil and her newness as a nurse. The strength it must take to be in her situation is wonderfully conveyed; I feel so bad for her to be in such a horrifying situation so new to the job, yet can feel that sense of responsibility she has.

This is branching off a bit from my first review, but I feel like this hospital is in such a bubble. I think it’s perhaps from the start of the action - it’s hospital, hospital, hospital. But it removes it from the rest of this world - all I imagine in my head is a hospital building. There’s no city noises or the eerie silence of grass fields around them or Lena’s desire to go home and rest. If that makes sense? So far, in my head, all I imagine is the hospital and a burnt down hotel somewhere.

Besides that, I think that’s my only comment for this chapter. I’m really liking this and I’m eager to know more about the fireman - he seems very important (and this “bite”? Is it really a bite? :0). Also curious if the little girl who died will be playing a bigger role later (after all, she’s in the title!). Good job! :)

~ EternalRain




4revgreen says...


Thank you so much! And I will take into consideration what you have mentioned!



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Wed Apr 10, 2019 6:24 pm
Anniepoo103 wrote a review...



Hello, sorry about the random blank comment that I left, my computer seems to be a bit off today.Butttttt, anyhow, I am here to review your SECOND CHAPTER. Woo hoo, boy oh boy, am I excited.
While reading towards the beginning of your chapter, I did pick up on a few things. Let's use the sentence below as an example:
"She remembered fondly about their childhood in Poland, where Marek would lead her around the rural area that they lived in, showing her all his favourite hiding spots. "
First of all, your wording could have been changed. the way you had the first half of this sentence seemed a bit awkward to read. I suggest saying something along the lines of ' She FONDLY REMEMBERED-" While what you said still works, wording this the second way would make more sense to the reader because of ho most people speak the English language. Second of all, favourite it spelled favorite. I suggest running your work through gramarly or a similar program because there are a lot of mistakes like this sprinkled throughout your text. Your first paragraph is also full of a lot of comma misplacement. A lot of your sentences are run ons. If you go through to read them and you feel like a sentence is too long, it probably is.
When you said, " currently, eight patients are in the operation theatres undergoing surgeries that will either kill them, or save them." you did not need to put a comma between them and or. I would also change the word theatres. I am guessing that not a lot of readers would know what you mean by this, and it seems to not show up when searched on the internet.
“Ms Bryk?” Lena looked up at the mention of her name; she'd found herself staring at the fresh cut on her finger, irritating the skin by picking at it “I need you to stay with the fireman.” I put this sentence in the review just to caution you. You see, when a woman is unmarried, and never had been married, the letters at the beginning of their name is miss. If they have been married and are divorced, ms. is in front of their name. If Lena has not been married, I would change this just to be transparent with your reader.
Overall, this was a great chapter. I look forward to reading the rest of your work. I am also surprised by the twist, I almost expected the man to tell this part of the story ( this chapter that is) Anyhow, have a wonderful day, keep writing!

Have a wonderful day!
-Anniepoo103




4revgreen says...


In England, it's spelled favourite :-) And I meant operating theatres, which are real things! I promise! I'm pretty sure you can choose to go by Ms. as well; it's just when you don't wont people to know if you are married or not.
Hope that cleared it up. Cheers for the review!



Anniepoo103 says...


Alright, I just wanted to make sure, great job!



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Wed Apr 10, 2019 6:10 pm
Anniepoo103 says...






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Tue Apr 09, 2019 4:37 pm
Liberty500 wrote a review...



Oooh... This looks like it's taking a very interesting turn.

~

Hello, Green!

Liberty here to give you a quick review. Hope you're doing well today or tonight, depending on what side of the world you're on. Anyways, lets hop right into the review, now shall we? Alright. You did a great job with the description (as usual), and there were zero grammatical or punctuation mistakes. You used you're vocabulary very properly. By the way, there was just ne thing that was kinda standing in the way of this perfection. If you look here at the bold word:

Granted, she had always been the one people looked to when there was extreme injuries such as the one's the fireman had sustained, and she was very goof at her job, but every night she would break down crying over what she'd seen.


You see the bold word? It's spelt incorrectly. I'm sure it was just a typo, but I just had to point it out. It's supposed to be good instead of goof. Okay, anyways, I have to go now. As always...

Keep on writing!

~Liberty500




4revgreen says...


Thanks for pointing out my typo! And for reviewing :-)



Liberty500 says...


No problem. I had to point out a little typo and I made a huge review! lol




Veni, vidi, scripsi ~ I came, I saw, I wrote
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