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16+ Violence

The little girl stays with me - Chapter Four

by 4revgreen

Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for violence.

Chapter Four

It was a phone call that finally drew Gaspard away from the thing that lay on the table in front of him. The intruding ring of the wall mounted phone woke him from his terrified trance, and freed him from the position he had froze in. He didn't take his eyes off of the thing, though he was sure it was dead. His hands fumbled around on the wall for a second before they found the receiver, and he brought it to his ear.


It was Cassidy Brown, who Henri had told to man the phones. “Gaspard? I've got your wife on hold here, can I transfer her to your line?” Her American accent surprised him a little; he'd never heard her speak before and had just assumed that she was French.

He answered in English. “Yes, please. Thank you.”

There was a short click, and then his wife's voice bled through the receiver “Allô, Gaspard? J’ai entendu parler de l’explosion. Tu travailles?” her French was not the best, and it made him chuckle. She was English, and they had met when they both started studying at Université Paris Descartes almost eighteen years ago now.

“I'm working, yes. We have all the survivors here, it's a nightmare.”

“What time will you be home? Margot is asking for you.” She sounded relieved to be able to speak in English.

Gaspard smiled at the mention of his young daughter's name. “What's she still doing up? It's very late.”

“I can't get her to go to sleep. She's insisting that she waits until you come home. I keep telling her that she's going to be exhausted in the morning but she won't stay in her bed!”

As Gaspard chatted to his beloved wife, he took his eyes off of the creature and instead focused on the cuts on his fingers. He didn't want to look at it; he was scared. Talking to his wife was making him just a little bit less so, and he found his racing heart beat steadily slow down until it reached its normal pace. In the short time he was staring down at his fingers, the thing on the table behind him began to stir.

First, it opened its eyes, allowing them to adjust to the bright light that was shining above them. They blinked, slowly due to the crisp nature of the eyelids, and glanced around the ceiling. Its fingers began to uncurl, stretching out with a crackling sound that sounded like the very fire they'd burnt in. Gaspard turned round at the noise, and then dropped the phone. It bounced for a second, swinging against the wall on the spiral chord before hanging limp.

“Gaspard? Honey?” The voice was distant, and Gaspard was focused on the rising monstrosity that was growing in front of him. The thing had pulled itself up, and was staring directly ahead at the wall in front of it. Its skin was slowly stretching across the whole in its chest, pushing the protruding ribs back into place. With a sudden ferocity, its head snapped round, and it laid its eyes on Gaspard. Those eyes locked him in place as his wife continued to call his name down the phone. He couldn't move.

The thing's skin continued to grow and stretch across its injuries, and the same intestines that Gaspard had sliced open spilled out of its body as it pulled its legs off the side of the table. They landed in a wet pile of the cold stone ground, and the stomach quickly followed. The little chunks of meat fell too, and one continued to roll once it had hit the ground, stopping when it hit Gaspard's shoe.

It stood deathly still, eyes focused on Gaspard, who didn't dare move.

With a sickening crunch, the thing took a step forward, the bones in its legs straightening out as it did so. They were no longer looking burnt; this was no longer a deceased little girl. It was a thing. That was the only word Gaspard had to describe it as it took another step towards him. It seemed to be growing in not only strength, but height, as it once more stepped forward. Now face to face with the thing, Gaspard realised he was no longer staring into the eyes of a little girl, but into the eyes of his father.

The skin around the thing's face was still blackened and bloody, but it was unmistakably his father's face. Gaspard started to tremble uncontrollably, his heart beat racing.

“No,” He managed to say, his voice cracking “No, no you're dead you're dead you're dead.”

The father-thing's mouth curled upwards in a rigid movement that tore the skin around its lips. A fresh trickle of blood leaked from the corner of its top lip and ran down his chin and face. Crimson red, like the blood Gaspard had seen the day he fought back at his father.

A distant memory he had tried to bury, something which had happened in his teens after years and years of insufferable abuse at the hands of his alcoholic father, found its way to the surface of his mind. That night had started out with a smashed wine bottle and ended with a body splayed beneath the balcony. Gaspard had recounted to the police that his father had gotten drunk and simply fallen in a haze, but the officers had been responding to noise complaints from the neighbours for years now, and new the extent of his father's alcoholism. They knew his father hadn't fallen by accident, yet they filed it as such. Gaspard had been forever grateful to them for that, but now, his father once more stood in front of him. The air was filled with the scent of cheap liquor and as the father-thing let out a deep breath, Gaspard's nostrils flared at the smell of stale cigarette smoke.

“You're dead,” He repeated, his voice small and audibly weak “I killed you. You're dead.”

The father-thing continued to smile, ripping more and more skin off of its face. The ripped skin pulled back to reveal the rows of sharp, pearly white teeth that Gaspard had sliced his finger on, and the father-thing's mouth opened inhumanly wide; wide enough to consume the now sobbing French man's head whole. Gaspard tried to scream, but the teeth had already pierced his vocal chords before he was able to. Blood spurted across the wall as the father-thing clenched its jaw down on Gaspard's neck.

Two floors above them, Jed continued to scream at the top of his lungs. “THE LITTLE GIRL STAYS WITH ME!” 

Gaspard's wife continued to shout down the phone line, her tone growing increasingly more worried with each word.

“Honey? Gaspard? Are you okay?”

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710 Reviews

Points: 575
Reviews: 710

Sun May 26, 2019 11:29 pm
ShadowVyper wrote a review...

Hey 4revgreen,

Shady here with a review for you this fine review day! My style tends to be specific comments as I read and then general comments at the end. Let's get started...


I'm confused about what language this is supposed to be? I assumed it was just someone saying "hello" with a funny accent, like an 'ello? sort of thing but then you mentioned France and specifically said he answered in English, which suggests that this isn't supposed to be English, and I'm just not sure what language he's speaking here? If it's French shouldn't he have said 'bonjour' instead? I'm bad with languages though so maybe that's a silly mistake and pardon my ignorance if it is, but I thought I'd point it out that that is a potentially confusing detail.

She sounded relieved to be able to speak in English.

Why would she have to speak in French in the first place? If she knew fully well her husband is bilingual and she's bad at French why not start in English?

Gaspard realised he was no longer staring into the eyes of a little girl, but into the eyes of his father.

Ooh, dang, that's a twist.

~ ~ ~

WOW! This is so good!

Your descriptions were making me squirm as I was reading this xD I can't handle super creepy stuff and you were definitely pushing the limits of how much I can handle with this. Great job! I'm not generally phased by writing but this was very vivid and I felt like I could visualize each grisly bit leading up to Gaspard's death.

I don't think I have anything else helpful to say so I'll go ahead and end this review, but know that I am very impressed by your ability to capture this so intensely and to catch and hold my attention so well throughout this entire piece. Great job!

Keep writing!

~Shady 8)

4revgreen says...

Thank you! And in france, Allo is the specific way of saying hello when answering the phone (I asked my french teacher!) as bonjour is a friendlier term for less formal occasions. They have weird rules for how you talk on the phone there :-)
I never really bothered to elaborate on the french speaking but I think she speaks french mainly because she is trying to get better so she assumed her husband was going to speak to her in french?? I don't know if I've explained that right, haha.
Thank you so much for the review! It means a alot :-)

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108 Reviews

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Sun Apr 28, 2019 9:03 pm
manilla says...


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Mon Apr 15, 2019 6:26 am
EternalRain wrote a review...

Hey there!

Okay, so woah. o-o I guess Gaspard wasn't a main character, lol. What a horrific death! This thing is really, really creepy. Probably not a good idea for me to be reading this at night. But yes, in all seriousness, I think the creepiness you've captured in your writing is really well done. It's giving me Stranger Things (if it were extra creepy) vibes.

This was a pretty short chapter and I don't have much to comment on besides one thing and that's the short little Gaspard backstory. I'm not a huge fan of the whole father backstory, especially right before he's about to be chomped. It lags the reader behind a bit, cutting the suspense of the moment. Also, since Gaspard just... died... it doesn't seem that appropriate for a sudden backstory? I think some of it is fine, because his father seems important in this moment (whether the creature is his father or is just morphing into that) moment, but it dragged on a bit for me.

Loved the ending with Jeb's screams (still really, really creepy and I really want to know their connection) and Gaspard's wife on the line. I also like how there was a soft moment right before Gaspard's death with his wife and the mention of his daughter Margot - it sets up the disaster and makes his death feel more impactful. Still didn't feel totally gut punched, but throwing in the family did make the blow a bit stronger.

I think that's all for my review! I hope this helps.
Also, I'm going to change the rating to 16+ just because of the really vivid graphics. Just to keep younger readers away from any stuff they don't wanna see. :)

~ EternalRain

4revgreen says...

Oh thank you! And I completely forgot about the rating whoops. I kind of need the backstories and it will be more important later on but I think I could find a better way to weave it into the story!

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Wed Apr 10, 2019 7:26 pm
itsCate wrote a review...

Well to start off, I should have read the first chapter rather than starting in the middle.
To be quite honest this was really good. Your way of writing is unique and cool.
My only problem is
(No, no you're dead you're dead you're dead.)
There needs to be another comma somewhere. Other than that you are very talented and I enjoyed it, next time I'll have to start from the first chapter haha.

Good Luck!

Love from, Cate

4revgreen says...

Thank you so much! With the comma thing, I kind of intended it to be that way to show it was all said quickly without pauses? I can see where that could get confusing though :-)
Thanks once again!

4revgreen says...

Thank you so much! With the comma thing, I kind of intended it to be that way to show it was all said quickly without pauses? I can see where that could get confusing though :-)
Thanks once again!

itsCate says...

OHHHHHHH!!!! I get it now that I read it faster, cool.
I enjoyed it, thanks!

Why should Caesar just get to stomp around like a giant while the rest of us try not to get smushed under his big feet? Brutus is just as cute as Caesar, right? Brutus is just as smart as Caesar, people totally like Brutus just as much as they like Caesar, and when did it become okay for one person to be the boss of everybody because that's not what Rome is about! We should totally just stab Caesar!
— Gretchen Wieners