Cover art for Crawlers - Chapter Thirteen: The Warehouse

Crawlers - Chapter Thirteen: The Warehouse

by 4revgreen

Published August 10, 2026

18+ Language Violence

In Crawlers | Ongoing Novel

Warning: This work has been rated 18+ for language and violence.

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I made a book trailer! Click here to watch it: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A4-72TLaRdE

(A/N: I realise these characters & settings may seem a bit random. In my re-edited version of part one, it will include a chapter or two that introduces this storyline. But I don't want to re-edit and post those now; I'm focusing on just getting a first draft together, so hopefully you can still enjoy!)


13. The Warehouse

‘Oi, who’s eaten all my pickled Onion Monster Munch again?’ Greer London asked angrily, half to himself, half to the bunch of lazy sods who were lounging around the canteen. He pulled open another cupboard, rooting through the shared loot, looking for any trace of the beloved purple packet. Real food was hard to come by now, especially in the city. Packets of noodles, chocolates and crisps were all they had to rely on after the last supermarket raid had gone south, leaving them with half of what they needed. It was rare that someone found their favourite snack and as an Enforcer, Greer had first dibs and snatched them right up. ‘I know for a fact I had at least three more packets of pickled onion flavoured Monster Much that I found, by myself, on the last vending machine run.’

Greer looked around at the group of boys. They were all stragglers from Group C, scruffy and unwashed. Most had their bare feet up on the tables, heads lolling backwards in boredom or buried in tattered comic books. One was eating hot dogs straight out of the jar, slurping juice all over himself and the floor. ‘Hello? Anyone want to own up to eating my food again? No?’

There was a grumble of grunts and groans in response. Greer slammed the cupboard shut and stormed out of the canteen, mumbling to himself under his breath. This new intake of Shadows was not up to scratch. Half of them were scrawny little waifs, the other half bumbling moronic meatheads. This was what happened when quantity was prioritised over quality – he had tried to tell that to Clem after she started setting quotas, but she just told him if he wasn’t up to scratch, he could step down from the role. Hell no. He stuck his hand in his pocket as he strolled down the metal walkway that ran around the top of the warehouse, his fingers gently brushing against a small, square photograph he kept on him at all times. It was there to remind him of why he had started all this.

There was a stairwell at the end of the walkway that led down to the main floor of the warehouse, which had become the training room. Greer peered down at it from several feet above. Two boys were wrestling with each other on a dirty gym mat in the middle of the hall, and a ring of other boys had formed around them, egging them on with claps and encouragement. Well, was it really wrestling if one person was just beating up the other one? One boy was much bigger than the other, and he recognised him straight away as Bronson, a sixteen-year-old who’d followed Group A back from an expedition a few weeks ago and practically bribed himself inside with the amount of energy drinks he’d managed to scavenge from around the town. Monster Energy was like crack to these kids. He had greasy black hair that was always plastered to his forehead with sweat, a chin full of pimples and a sparse, pathetic moustache that he refused to shave off. Bronson had a much smaller boy in a headlock with his left arm, and was punching him quite hard in the stomach with his right. Greer didn’t remember the smaller boy’s name, only that he’d arrived two nights ago and had been clutching a stuffed rabbit. Where the hell was Donnie? He should be down there with them; it was supposed to be a weapons training session. His eyes scanned the length of the warehouse like a hawk, searching for its prey, but turned up empty-beaked. 

‘Stop that!’ he shouted down with as much authority as he could muster behind his voice, and Bronson slowly released the kid, who dropped to the mat and curled up into a ball. He was probably crying, judging by the way his shoulders heaved up and down. For fuck’s sake. He couldn’t be bothered with this. It was why they should have put an age limit on who could join the Shadows. How were they ever going to train these sickly wimps and brutal bullies into the next troop of Shadows? ‘Bronson!’ he yelled. ‘That’s three points deducted from your tally!’

The boys in the group all laughed and jeered, slapping Bronson on the back and mocking Greer’s threat.

‘Three points, three points!’ They echoed like parrots, leaping around and crashing into each other. ‘Three points from Griffindoor! Three points to Hufflefuck! Three points to Hufflefuck!’

Greer shook his head and moved on in frustration, pushing back from the barrier and storming down the other end of the walkway to the office. His heavy boots landed with a series of hollow thuds across the metal, and when he got to the office door, he kicked it open. Inside, a high-backed leather chair faced the far wall, and Greer could just about see the back of a short, black bob poking over the top

‘This shit ain’t working,’ he said as he approached the large wooden desk that sat opposite the door. There were several neatly ordered piles of papers, a pink plastic cup holding an assortment of coloured Sharpies, a framed photograph of a tabby cat, and a battered walkie-talkie. He slammed his hands down, knocking the photo over. ‘Clem? Are you listening to me?’

Clem swivelled the chair around slowly, revealing her sly, pointed face, her neatly plucked brows arched into a disapproving look behind her rectangular glasses. She propped the photo back up and stroked the cat’s face, not looking at Greer directly before saying, sternly, ‘Haven’t I warned you about knocking?’

Greer huffed, turned around, went back outside the office, knocked loudly on the door four times, then let himself back in. ‘There, is that good enough for you?’

‘It will have to do,’ Clem said, pushing the frames of her glasses up her nose. ‘How can I help you today, Greer?’

He hated the way she spoke; all posh and proper. She wore a smart black blazer that had her school emblem sewn onto the top pocket and a white blouse, with a little metal badge pinned to the lapel that said PREFECT in all capitals. Oh, she was definitely the type of girl to have been a prefect, for sure. Though Greer couldn’t see her legs, he was sure she’d be wearing a pleated skirt and long, white stockings too.

‘Oh, I have a few points to raise,’ he said, raising his eyebrows at her. ‘Where to even start?’

‘Somewhere is usually a good place,’ Clem said, deadpan.

‘Okay, fine, I’ll jump right in!’ He laughed, thoroughly irritated by her tone. ‘The points system is not working. At all. The boys just don’t respect it. I don’t understand why we can’t just carry on as we did at the start, training them on the go, picking kids up along the way. This new lot – sorry to say but they’re dogshit!’ Greer ranted, pacing back and forth across the office. He approached the window and looked out over the greying horizon of Southampton, a city he once loved. ‘And these new missions mean that our best men are gone for days at a time. You sent Vorb, Paul and Lester out at the same time, so we have no one to keep order! And where the heck is Donnie? There’s a training session down there that’s turned into a fight club!’

‘Donnie has been reassigned,’ Clem said, tapping her fingers together menacingly. ‘So, what you’re saying is that you can’t keep your troop in order?’

‘No!’ he said, flouncing his arms. ‘I mean, yes! I mean, no. I don’t know. All these rules and regulations don’t stick. It’s the goddamn apocalypse, Clem, you can’t boss around the goddamn apocalypse!’

‘The rules will work. Cry was very adamant about it. You did well without our help, but if we want to get this city - and by extension, humanity - back to how it was, we are going to need law and order.’ Clem gave him a smile that didn’t reach her dark eyes. ‘And that starts with you. You’re not a Shadow anymore, you’re an enforcer. Remember that.’ 

‘But I don’t want to be an enforcer! I want to go out there and help reunite kids with their sisters and brothers and cousins and friends, like we’ve been doing since this crap started!’ He ran his hands through his curls in frustration. ‘Those weird kids, the ‘Exterminators’ or whatever they called themselves, they are what we should be. They don’t sit around and wait for orders. They just go out and do.

‘And where did that get them, exactly?’ she asked with an air of dismissal. ‘One of them was kidnapped, leaving the others without their leader or a vehicle. Perhaps if they had been more organised they could have avoided such a…’ she moved her hand around, searching for the right word. ‘Calamity.

Greer groaned. ‘It wasn’t their fault that chick went totally psycho! You should have seen her. She played us all like fools.’

‘You, perhaps. But not me.’

‘What?’ he shook his head, thinking how crazy Clem was. ‘You didn’t even– oh whatever, I just– I need to talk to Cry. Please, let me talk to him. It’s been a goddamn month and a half since you two took over and he’s still not stepped foot in this place!’

‘Cry is otherwise occupied. You know that,’ Clem said, smirking in a way that made Greer want to smack her. ‘What else did you want to talk about?’

‘Err,’ he nibbled at his thumb awkwardly, realising he had run out of points. ‘Someone ate my Monster Munch again.’

Clem sighed and opened up a drawer, rooting around in it. Greer thought for a magical moment she might be able to produce another bag of his favourite snack, but his joy was short-lived when she pulled out a stack of maps. ‘If you’re done complaining, I’ve got something I need you to do. Cry has pinpointed another location that might have more broadcasting equip-’

‘MAYDAY, MAYDAY!’ came a sudden crackle through the walkie-talkie. ‘We have a serious problem, I repeat, we have a serious problem.’

‘That’s Lester!’ Greer said in a panic, grabbing for the walkie-talkie, but Clem snatched it away before he could get his hand on it. 

‘Scout-One, this is Tabbycat. Report Location. Over,’ Clem said into the device in far too casual a tone.

Lester’s reply was instant. ‘City centre. North entrance of West Quay, over.’

‘Scout-One, report the problem, over.’

‘Our jeep–’ he started, but the walkie-talkie began to crackle. ‘The tyre– outside– too many– over!’

‘Scout-One, repeat the problem, over,’ Clem said again, but there was no response. ‘Scout-One-’

Greer reached over and pulled the device from her cold hands. ‘Lester, it’s Greer. What’s wrong?’

‘They’ve slashed the tyres, we can’t drive!’ came back a garbled reply. ‘Oh shit, oh shit!’

There was a series of loud bangs, and then static. 

Greer held down the button. ‘Lester? Lester?’ He looked up at Clem. ‘I gotta get over to him. Give me the keys to the other jeep.’

Clem fished in the drawer again and threw the keys over to him with a jingle. ‘Sounds like a good excuse for training up some of the new boys,’ she said. She opened up a folder and started scanning a list of names. 

‘No, it’ll take too long!’ Greer bounced up and down. ‘C’mon, lives are at stake here! Don’t make me take the newbies, just let me go save them!’

‘Take Bronson, Lewis, Rory and…’ she deliberated, taking too long. Her manicured finger danced across the page before she tore off the list and handed it to him. ‘And Jasper. Go on!’

Greer stormed out of the room, the page crumpled in his fist. He could just go, get in the jeep and drive off without any newbies. But it sounded like Lester and his crew were in a lot of danger, and they were the best of the best. They couldn’t die. He leant over the railing and barked out the four names. ‘Bronson! Lewis! Rory! Jasper! Get yourself to the garage, now!’

He watched as the four boys pulled away from the group. He knew Bronson, of course. Lewis was a stocky, taller kid with dark skin, and Rory was his best friend, a slightly shorter, skinnier kid who Greer remembered had been pretty good with a knife when they’d rescued him from up by the University. Jasper was the last one to get up. As he peeled himself away from the mat he was sitting on, Greer realised it was the little kid Bronson had been punching. He picked up his stuffed rabbit from the floor and hugged it to his chest as he followed behind the other boys. Clem had done this on purpose, the stupid bitch, he thought as he jogged down the steps and made his way to the carpark, lumbering me with the kid; if he dies, she’ll use it as an excuse to get rid of me. 

There was a door on the right side of the warehouse that led to a smaller space being used as a garage where the mechanics - kids reading manuals they found in the garages of real mechanics - were attempting to fix up some more jeeps for the Shadows to use. There were only two that were in good enough shape to use, and Lester’s crew had the other. 

Bronson was leaning against the hood of the jeep, waiting for Greer. ‘What we got?’

‘Group A is in trouble out by West Quay,’ he said, opening up the back of the jeep where there was an assortment of scavenged weapons. ‘Take your pick, quickly, then get in the jeep. We don’t have time.’

‘Can I drive?’ Lewis asked, grabbing the biggest knife.

‘No, you’re not qualified,’ Greer said, selecting his own weapon: a large tomahawk they’d found in the basement of a local doomsday prepper after killing his crawler self. Rory took a baseball someone had wrapped in barbed wire. ‘Jasper?’

Jasper sucked his thumb and looked at the weapons for a few seconds before selecting a small slingshot and a bag of rocks. 

‘Aw, hell no, don’t give Shortie a weapon!’ Bronson moaned, shoving Jasper aside as he climbed into the passenger seat of the jeep.

‘Why the hell are we taking Shortie anyway, man?’ Lewis asked as he climbed into the back. 

‘Bait,’ Rory said, leering over Jasper, making his hands into claws.

‘Get in,’ Greer said, pushing him away. He looked down at Jasper. He looked even younger than earlier, with wide, honest blue eyes and a crop of fluffy brown hair, reminding Greer of the teddy bear he had as a child. He wondered where that was, now. ‘How old are you?’

‘I’m nine and a half,’ Jasper replied. ‘My birthday is in three weeks and four days.’

‘You don’t have to come if you don’t want to,’ he said quickly, pointing over at the corner of the garage. ‘You could hide out there, wait for us to come back, and we won’t say anything to Clem.’

Jasper shook his head and gave Greer a confused look. ‘Why?’

‘Because…’ Greer searched for the right words. He was never that great with his sister’s kids, who were a similar age to Jasper. Never knew what to say, though he himself had not long been a kid. ‘Because you’re small?’

‘Just ‘cause I’m small doesn’t mean I can’t fight!’ Jasper said, climbing into the car. He had to wriggle over Rory to get to the middle seat. Greer had a horrible feeling that this kid was just going to slow him down. 

He climbed into the front seat and whispered to Bronson, ‘We park up somewhere and leave the kid in the car, yeah?’

Bronson nodded. Greer could see a pimple leaking yellow pus on his upper lip. ‘Good call. Shortie, you can be our lookout.’

Greer put the keys in the ignition, twisted them, and revved up the jeep. It was still new to him. Lester had taught him to drive only two months ago. The first time he got behind the wheel, he crashed into a wall and was lucky to have survived. He was also lucky because he’d taken out five crawlers during the crash and hadn’t noticed until afterwards. He pulled out the walkie-talkie that was kept in the car and spoke into it with one hand whilst he pulled out of the garage.

‘Lester, it’s Greer. We’re on our way, over,’ he said, pulling up outside beside the gate that they’d constructed last month. Two boys, Henry and Mikey, manned the gate most of the day and night. They slid the metal sheets open just enough for him to drive through, then quickly shut it behind him. ‘You there, Lester? Over.’

There was a sudden crackle. ‘We’re just about holding up. Hurry. We got a man down. Over.’

Greer punched the steering wheel as he swerved round the body of an invader. ‘Shit. Who? Over.’

‘Paul, over. He– the window–’ Lester began to break up again. Greer sped around the corner. He knew the city like the back of his hand. West Quay was three miles away, right by the hospital. If he went straight over the roundabout and down the street by the cinema, he could cut across the green playing field and get to West Quay in under five minutes. Lester came back through, loud and clear. ‘They’re gonna get in!’

‘Hang in there!’ he said, and tossed the walkie-talkie back to Jasper. ‘Kid, you keep me updated, okay?’

With his foot down on the pedal, Greer flew around the corner to the roundabout. They’d managed to clear quite a lot of the cars from the road in previous expeditions, but there were still some he had to swerve around, feeling like he was playing GTA. The buildings in Southampton had always been dreary and grey, but since the invasion they seemed more so. He sped past smashed windows, artless graffiti, bins shredded open, their contents strewn across the streets. What had once been his home city was now home to no one except rats and crawlers. He went straight over the roundabout, keeping an eye out for any crawlers that might run into the road. They seemed to be getting sparser, sticking more in groups and heading underground, or to the countryside. That was what Cry had said on the CryCast, anyway. 

Past the cinema now, he took a sharp right and launched the jeep onto the pavement, narrowly missing a park bench as he took the shortcut across the playing fields. ‘Anything, kid?’ he shouted back, looking in the rearview mirror. 

Jasper held down the button. ‘Are you guys okay?’

There was a gentle hum of static, but no answer.

‘Try again,’ Greer said, skidding on the grass. 

‘Hello, anybody there?’ Jasper asked, but again, there was no reply.

Greer turned the jeep left, then slammed on the brakes. Bronson flew forward, knocking his knees into the dashboard and bracing himself with his arms. He hadn’t been wearing a seatbelt. Idiot.

‘Jesus fucking Christ,’ Greer breathed, leaning forward on the wheel and peering at the sight before them. ‘So that’s where all the fuckers are.’

There must have been three or four dozen crawlers, maybe even more; he couldn’t tell. They were moving too fast to count. They swarmed around Lester’s jeep. Three were on the roof, ripping at the sunroof with their claws, and at least ten surrounded the doors, trying to smash at the windows. On the bonnet of the jeep stood a particularly large crawler, not as skinny as the others. In fact, its stomach seemed to be bulging out at uneven angles, the skin around it pulled tight. It was like it had eaten something all in one go without much ripping or chewing. Greer had killed hundreds of these fuckers, but had never seen one look like that. He turned and grabbed the walkie-talkie from Jasper and tried it once again.

‘Lester, man, let me know you’re alive!’

‘It–’ crackled a warped response. ‘Paul!’

‘What about Paul?’

It ate Paul!’ 

The response was loud and clear for the first time. Greer felt sick. ‘What the fuck happened?’

‘They swarmed us. They slashed the fucking tyres. Paul tried to get out the sunroof to clear the area with his knife, but there was just too many of them. We tried to pull him back in, we tried to save him, man!’ came Lester’s sobs. 

Greer pressed the walkie close to his lips. ‘We’ll get you out of there, okay? You have my word. Sit tight.’

He looked sideways to Bronson, who had an excited look in his eyes like he was staring up at a cinema screen during an action movie, then backwards to the others. Lewis and Rory looked a little more worried, but also angrier, like they couldn’t wait to get out there and get revenge on the creature. It was Jasper who worried him most. He was apt to slow them down, or get himself killed. Greer would never forgive himself if he let that happen. 

‘You okay, little man?’ he asked.

Jasper nodded. His tiny hands were curled around the slingshot, knuckles smooth and white under his skin. His rabbit was tucked between his knees, and Greer noticed for the first time that it only had one eye.


Comments & reviews · 2
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4revgreen
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Stickied · 4revgreen commented Comment · 18h ago

Some questions you could answer after reading, if you wanted!:

1. Clem and Greer have different ideas on how this new world should be run. Clem wants rules and structure, whilst Greer wants instinct and action. Which approach do you think is more likely to keep people alive?

2. Greer admires the Exterminators for going out and killing crawlers rather than waiting for orders, but Clem points out that this led to one of them being kidnapped. Whose interpretation of events do you find more convincing, and why?

3. Greer thinks of Clem as a 'stupid bitch' for assigning him newbies, and assumes she's trying to sabotage him. Do you think this is a true reading of her motives, or could there be another explanation for her choice?

4. Why do you think Greer took Jasper along, even if he thought he was too young?

5. Paul's death is relayed through the walkie-talkie. The reader doesn't get a description of what happened. What do the narrative and emotionality of the piece gain by keeping the reader (and Greer) at a distance from the violence, compared to the visceral, close-up violence shown in earlier chapters (such as Katie's death)?

6. The chapter ends with the detail that Jasper's rabbit "only had one eye." Why might the author (meee!! hello) choose to end the chapter on this image rather than on the crawler attack?

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Tikaya
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Tikaya wrote a review Review · 2h ago

*side eyes this A/N*
This one is more acceptable. I still don’t like it but it’s not actively harmful.

Hey hey Greer, noodles are definitely real food.

Oha he is an Enforcer? That sounds ominous.

I like how you mention this without context:

They were all stragglers from Group C, scruffy and unwashed
Really raises the immersion :3 Ofc Greer would not go out of his way to explain this!

Uhhh I am less willing to let the quota thing slide. WHAT kind of quotas need to be met in the APOCALYPSE? O.O

I find it weird how you introduce the wrestling thing and then go into a description of Bronson like this. It doesn’t feel like you adequately explain why Greer went there and he has 0 reaction to this. We are still stuck with his gripes abt the food so the transition into this… was not v elegant.
Srsly with the long descriptions, it feels like forever until Greer has any thought of thought abt why this is happening and if it is ok or normal or bad :/

Very good description:
She propped the photo back up and stroked the cat’s face, not looking at Greer directly
I already have a certain expectation of her now!

Oh I hate her alright XD
‘So, what you’re saying is that you can’t keep your troop in order?’


One of them was kidnapped, leaving the others without their leader or a vehicle.
…how do they know all this…

I don’t think you have adequately explained why Clem is in charge. Yes she do be liking rules but how did she get the position? It sounds like she’s new etc and this isn’t a normal office job so I don’t see how she could ever establish any sort of authority over the other kids. It seems implausible atm.

Ohhh these are the kids near the hospital! I like that we are continuing where the other chapter left off!

I do like how Clem immediately hands over the keys once Greer asks for them.
(Incidentally, Clem is a professional starcraft player and I cannot detach the name so easily from him XD)

I don’t understand why Greer listens to this girl. Why doesn’t he just take the kids he WANTS to take? You really did not explain that part which makes me not like any of these characters even if the writing continues to be good.

it sounded like Lester and his crew were in a lot of danger, and they were the best of the best.
even more reason to take only those you think are actually capable of saving them? Or does he have no idea who is currently available that is capable enough? That is also a poor reflection on Greer! This sounds like a disaster waiting to happen and I do not care about that. All of these are behaving stupidly and deserve what’s coming -.-

Ugh and ofc it’s bully and victim. Rev, I do not like how you set this up and I hate Clem and I want to move back to characters who make sense thank you. If I wanted corporations being idiotic and sending the worst ppl to do the most important jobs, I would watch the news.

Clem had done this on purpose, the stupid bitch, he thought as he jogged down the steps and made his way to the carpark, lumbering me with the kid; if he dies, she’ll use it as an excuse to get rid of me.
Yep, like a mismanaged corporation where your own goals precede ACTUAL survival. Ugh.

Jasper sucked his thumb and looked at the weapons for a few seconds before selecting a small slingshot and a bag of rocks.
How old is Jasper? At least he has a ranged weapon so he might be surprisingly useful.
Oh okay, at least Greer asks for his age.
Srlsy WHY are you taking this kid?! Don’t you have your own head to think????

Greer had a horrible feeling that this kid was just going to slow him down.
THEN WHY ARE YOU LISTENING TO CLEM???!!
I am five seconds away from abandoning this chapter.

That said .. they were talking abt Cry from the Broadcast, earlier! I …didn’t realise oops.

He hadn’t been wearing a seatbelt. Idiot.
Ofc -.-

Greer had killed hundreds of these fuckers, but had never seen one look like that.
Is this Ravi’s Dad? oô

You were definitely worried about the wrong chapter.

1
I am unhappy with both approaches and I don’t understand how Clem got to be in charge when things worked differently before her arrival. It sounded like Greer’s stuff worked and now we have Clem in charge and it is not working any longer and I hate either approach.

2
They both didn’t convince me. I don’t like either approach. Community based solutions would work best here and they are both not able to figure this out and I am very angry atm.

3
I don’t like Greer from his petty narration and I don’t like how you never set up why they were listening to Clem. I suppose with Jasper’s slingshot skills she didn’t send those 4 with him for NO reason but the whole narration was so irritating and Greer such a negative nancy that I dont care if Clem made the most brilliant decision ever. I don’t like the character archetypes you set up here and I feel like I know exactly how things are gonna go and even if you subvert my expectations, it will not feel satisfying. At least this is what I currently think. Maybe you can really turn things around but for now, I remain highly skeptical.

4
I wish I knew. I complained enough about this. It sounds like there is a punishment for not going on missions that Clem assigns you? Also Jasper said he did want to come so what was he gonna do?

5
I feel more for Paul than any of the others you introduced this chapter. Lester too.
I think we get the slow dread from trying to get to them in time, from knowing that they are THE BEST OF THE BEST and from knowing the situation they were in (last chapter). I think it works very well and we do not need to be emotionally invested in them to feel anxiety over their rescue.
That said, the whole thing with picking up the random boys took too long for me to really care. (yes I will harp on this point. Nothing hurts as much as feeling betrayed by something that is written so well XD)
I also assume we will get the fallout from Paul’s death once the characters have time to process. But the “it ate paul” is very visceral in on itself.

6
Sounds to me like Mr Jasper killed the rabbit with a slingshot to the eye (or rather that this is what the stuffed rabbit is supposed to represent), the most skillful and best way to hunt game. I think it is a hint that he is rly good with the slingshot
Silly time: it is ofc a reference to Ravi and hints at Jasper’s inner darkness!

Image

4revgreen replied · 2h ago

ah yee i was taking a risk with this chapter. I think it will be set up better when I add a chapter or two to Part One. There are reasons they are listening to clem and i should have mentioned. She has sent most of group a and b (the og, trained and strong shadows) out on missions (which would be to find more kids and bring them back, because she is building something) so that's why he takes the kids he doesn't want.

I think because i know the story I lowkey forget that my readers dont--- oop.

i definitely should have explained somewhere that clem had punishments for shadows who rebelled against her regime. aaaaaaaaaaaa i hate this chap now lol

Tikaya replied · 1h ago

If she has punishments she also needs ways to enforce them and I don't see how she could

4revgreen replied · 48m ago

OKAY I HAD AN IDEA:

So if I establish in part one not only Greer's backstory of the shadows being set up and rescuing kids, but that Clem actually ran her own outfit too, before this merger. Cry was sort of in charge of both, as they needed him to send the broadcasts. The shadows were more successful at this.

When her group and the Shadows crossed paths, Clem realised her group had a worse setup, and so convinced Greer and his friends to let her group move in with them at the warehouse and join forces.

This is where they started to clash over leadership, but Cry backed Clem and refused to even meet Greer - the main reason for this will become apparent later on, so I don't want to spoil Cry's intro, but the reason that Cry gave was that Clem's dad had been a radio engineer, so knew about the radio stations, etc. Or she went to a fancy school that had it's own radio station or something like that.

So Clem has some leverage there because she has closer ties to the people they need to actually do their jobs. She also now becomes the only one that can actually get in touch with Cry aside from when they listen to the broadcasts. Since Cry is in a high tower with a good radio signal, he can see where the crawlers are headed, etc and dictate the best times to go into the city. Clem controls this info and puts her original group in charge of the food supplies and training.

Then with the photo in greer's pocket, the idea was that it was his younger brother, (a toddler) and Clem separated the smaller kids for 'safety' and took away access when Greer didn't do what she said, but it felt like a repeat of the Lottie/Jack storyline, so I didn't elaborate as I didn't know what to replace it with. But I'm thinking now perhaps Greer is gay, and he doesn't want the other boys to know, and the photo is of his boyfriend, who he has been unable to find since a mission went wrong, and Clem has threatened him with exposing his sexuality. She claims she has people out looking for him.

So when Clems sends the strongest fighters out on missions, it's because those are her priority cases from Cry's personal network, and it leaves Greer stuck running the base with whoever's left over, which is also why he gets stuck with a "B-team" like Bronson's group instead of picking his own, and he has to take them or she will 'expose him'

DOES THAT MAKE ANY SENSE AAAA

Tikaya replied · 30m ago

Depends on how Cry ended up backing Clem. What he saw in her.

I think it would also work if Greer had a bit of... idk fear of Clem? Like more than just getting removed from office. Like he were treating her like more of authority figure with actual power than a convenient person to complain abt in narration? If she had power over HIM too or if we saw other ppl not named Cry also backing her, or saying that she's doing this much better than him? We can have both, him saying the point system is stupid and that she takes too long decide on stuff but ALSO shows of her effective leadership. I think even if you wanted to keep that a secret, that she is actually competent, it really hurts this chapter if you do. We need to see her being effective so we can have a better understanding of both Greer and her.

"She also now becomes the only one that can actually get in touch with Cry" that is really good and we also had this in THIS chapter. It just wasnt really working because you didnt establish why Greer would care abt Cry that much. There's some context missing (that even if you had this in the previous story or even a previous CHAPTER), you need to re-establish here

" Clem separated the smaller kids for 'safety' and took away access when Greer didn't do what she said" Ahh and her own group, her loyalists, are in charge of 'safety' Ohh that is good. If you had THIS in the chapter, I would have loved it. I think you were a bit to keen on showing that Greer is capable and didn't show enough of him being vulnerable :) I also see what you mean about the Lottie-Jack thing. But I wouldn't have minded a Jack-an-adult-crawler even tho we already had Ravi's Dad. And you could draw parallels between Ravi and Clem, how they approach it and how Lottie/Greer react to a similar situation. It could also help forge a bond between Lottie and Greer if they were to meet. Also would get Lottie invested in freeing the kids from Clem's control etc There are avenues worth exploring if you allow the parallels and not sweep them under the rug.
Otherwise, I'm not sure how Clem can really control someone as independent as Greer even if she has her own ppl.
(Yes even in review responses I answer as I read instead of reading everything in one go)
So the gay thing. Hm. I guess homophobia always works for this in a pinch. I do like the idea that his bf is missing and that he was known to the other boys. That said... I kinda like the little kid thing more even if it is a repeat. I think you can make the bf work tho, you are a good writer :3

I guess Clem also keeps Greer close bc she doesnt like him, huh? XD Maybe she's a homophobe XD

4revgreen replied · 21m ago

You always have such amazing insight and I'm really grateful!! I'm glad the little brother idea works for you. Perhaps he is also gay, and he is dating a boy in clem's group, which is one of the reasons he decided to go ahead and merge groups, but he doesn't want this to be known still, and clem uses it against him (perhaps always sending his bf on the most dangerous missions). I was thinking she would be a more traditional private school girl, and perhaps isn't a HUGE homophobe but definitely isn't comfortable with it.

And you are so right that I've been too keen on making Greer look competent and not vulnerable enough, and that we need to actually SEE Clem being effective instead of just Greer complaining about her, or else it doesn't make sense she's about to remain in charge. I'll definitely work this into my rewrite of the chapter, and having other people vouch for her is a good idea.

Also maybe Greer breaks up the fight between Bronson and jasper, and jasper then sticks to greer like a shadow and maybe stows away in the jeep instead of being chosen to go, because he wants to help his new 'big brother?'

WAIT AND IT WOULD BE SO CUTE TO HAVE LOTTIE AND GREER BOND OVER HAVING BABY BROTHERS YOU'RE SO RIGHT. And that is one of the things that spurs him to finally rebel against Clem (alongside other spoilers i wont say)

okay i need a rewriting session today... katie's burial can wait xD

TYSM AGAIN TIKAA

Tikaya replied · 14m ago

Hmm if the bf is in Clem's group we need a REALLY good reason for how they started dating.... because it sounded like tensions were pretty high from the beginning xd

Remember I am just one person. The number of times I wrote a review where I went like "oops I was a bit too negative" and then looked at the GUSHINGLY POSITIVE responses of every other reviewer... You wouldnt believe it xd

"Also maybe Greer breaks up the fight between Bronson and jasper, and jasper then sticks to greer like a shadow and maybe stows away in the jeep instead of being chosen to go, because he wants to help his new 'big brother?'" AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW <3
(I need to see it in action but it can look very cute~ Especially if Greer immediately feels responsible, against his inner narration, for this poor kiddo) (I also like him breaking up the fight more actively and maybe showing some concern for Jasper so we see some of his caring side, contrasted with Clem's coldness?)

tbh it didnt feel as if Greer had ever been IN CHARGE in charge in this version of the chapter, more a lieutenant to a higher up XD

Have fun rewriting :3



If food is poetry, is not poetry also food?
— Joyce Carol Oates