Sleepy town, MD
When we pass through the town
at dawn we find a sleepy town with
only one gas station
and a red carpet inn.
the sun-bleached
Maryland and American
flags hang outside the city bank,
and the hardware store needs
no name, just hardware.
The town is woken
by the roaring of the
train tracks and the
chirping of the birds.
a mockingbird sits atop
a street sign and mimics
the robins, adorning the
dogwood trees in the
town square.
Love poem
Our feet patter
On the sand
Making faces in the dark
More realistic than
I had ever drawn.
All too soon they are erased
By the foamy sea water
As is the time.
Our laughing voices riddle
The dark wishing it
Would stay to
Cloak our desperation
To be together
But it can't be.
We and the stars are sucked
Into a world of different ways
Where we are hidden.
Dirty t-shirts
Once they were worn
With pride, but now faces
Stare dolefully out
Of the cotton.
title placeholder
The river’s hand bequeaths
The shimmering water to
The seaside among the
Islands and the shorebirds of
The night.
They are alone, where
The sky never touches the
Sea nor land, it is just
A never ending expanse
Of stars and the moon.
But when mornings comes,
The waves cry in distress
As the moon is grabbed
From the sky and the sun
Takes its place.
Sunflowers
A field of yellow discs
Outlines the horizon
Ready to be swept up
Into the sunset and
See where the sky never
Touches the land or the sea
But instead a swathe of
Of sunflowers and
Sunshine.
One day they will
Hook their plaintive
Roots in to the heavens,
A bridge for aphids alike.
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140,081 Literary Works • 673,000 Reviews
hello there! thanks for requesting a review. i’m really excited to review this, and i hope this is helpful for future writings! ok, let’s get started...
Sleepy town, MD - ok, i was really confused the first few times i read this. i think part of it is that the lines are really choppy. it’s quite awkward in the pauses in between lines. some punctuation could really help with the flow here! but, your imagery is beautiful. i felt like i was walking through this town myself, i could almost hear the birds chirping in the deafening silence. besides the choppy flow, i really like this poem. you did such a good job.
Love poem - i love romantic poems, so i was excited to review this. i write mostly romantic poetry myself and i really felt a connection to this one. it hit really hard for me and it’s my favourite one of the bunch. there is a much better flow here until about 2/3s of the way into the poem, them it gets a little choppy. other than that, you once again delivered great imagery and subtle rhyming that makes it flow off the tongue quite nicely. once again, wonderful job.
Dirty t-shirts - for such a short poem, it delivered so much power! you have this amazing talent for making words into painted pictures with this beautiful imagery. the last two lines are a bit awkward and choppy. but overall, this is a good poem. its simple and meaningful.
title placeholder - you are just blowing me away with this imagery! honestly, i love the title. don’t change it. i am seeing the same thing over and over again. you are cutting sentences short and there is a lack of punctuation for the style of poetry you are doing. don’t be afraid to try a different format and make the lines longer because it would really help with the flow. this has the best imagery of the bunch. another beautiful poem. well done!
the final poem, Sunflowers - this poem has the most consistent flow of the collection. it doesn’t go back and forth from smooth to choppy, which i really like. this poem slides off the tongue easily and is appealing to the eye. i love the descriptive words you used here. it gives the poem depth and a uniqueness that is incredible.
these are all wonderful poems! my one point over all is work on the flow. but besides that, amazing job. the imagery is incredible and you have such a talent. keep on writing, and i hope you have a lovely day!
~lillianna
Thank you so much for the review! it was very helpful, Have a nice day!
Wow all poems are wonderful
About the 1st one
It's a fictional poem and I like those kinds. They don't speak of anything in particular but you can still imagine what is happening through the poem.
2nd
It is a nicely expressed poem, though you could have given it a more apt title😅. Other than that, the background of a beach is a nice choice for a romantic poem.
3rd
This one is short and funny and I don't know what else to say😅.
4th
It shows nature's wonders beautifully. My second favorite poem out of these
"As the moon is grabbed from the sky and the sun" was my favourite part as it was a very creative way of showing the arrival of morning.
5th
This was my favorite poem out of all the ones here. It is simple, but yet so complicated. I have never thought so much about sunflowers in my life. And that's what writers do, write about things that people might often not notice. The first line itself was my favourite for some reason
First review, so bear with me please. ^^
Welp, I'll tackle the first one - It begins with
and so on, which is a bit repetitive, don't you think? I, as a reader, see the introduction to scenery {the "pass through -town-" bit is what I am focusing on}, and then it moves to another piece of scene, which is {we -find- a sleepy town.}
That's a bit of a backtrack. You can either set the scene like {-when we pass through the sleepy town-} and continue off without the added repetitiveness, or do the exact same but switch what you choose to get rid of.
Then
hits, and I wish there was more to this. To say I am confused is an understatement, so if you could touch that up like {the sign on the brick was washed up ...}, that'd help set the scene more and get people into character. (yes my example is terrible uwu, not much of a poet.)
Moving on to the last -
I don't think -disc- is the best word? Flowers aren't flat objects, and they can't be inserted into a machine to play a form of entertainment like a movie, correct? Words like {cluster, blossom, and many, many more} can work there if you like any of those.
I love these poems, and I'd really like to see more from you. You describe words well, they all sound great together, and these were some interesting reads.
wolfy ^^
Thanks for the review! for the sunflower poem i was originally gonna be writing about the golden record but then it turned into a poem about flowers and I just kept "disc" because i like the way sounded. But I understand your point.
Hi!
What an interesting collection of poetry! My favourite one is is Sleepy Town MD, I love the imagery, you feel as though you're there, wondering around and exploring the town yourself. If you were planning on making this into an anthology, personally I'd either scrap Dirty Tshirts due to its length or elaborate upon it further, for example:
Once they were worn
With pride, but now faces
Stare dolefully out
Of the cotton,
Staring out in the sun,
Hopes and Dreams,
A face once gone.
But other than that, I love it! Keep writing
Sunlightwarriorxo
Thanks so much for the rreview!