Young Writers Society

hey 269609, this is a sad poem, i mean it really brings tears to my eyes and you are only 14 which is too young to be experiencing and processing such things. But in the matter of content your poem is flawless, i mean the message that you wanted to convey gets across smoothly and is not lost in words. the rhymes are beautiful and engaging. the guilt that is dripping from every line of your poem really makes me think about mortality and the concept of being alive and living. things done and said, sadly cannot be taken back, and the process of healing is different for different people, but death hurts no matter who it is and what hurts even more are the things that are left unsaid.

the end of the poem is fantastic and could not have been better.

keep writing

Radrook here to offer a review. If I offend by mistake you have my apologies. It is unintended.

Thanks for sharing this poem concerning the speaker’s attendance at his grandmother’s funeral and how he felt and feels about it. Death definitely tends to touch us deeply when it involves a loved one. I like how the speaker describes his own voice and expresses surprise about how it sounds. His grandmother's death made him or her feel alone and afraid. This seems to indicate that their relationship was much closer than the usual. I was a bit perplexed about the need to feel of remorse and not owing an apology. If indeed the definition holds, then who is feeling remorse and about what?


Suggestions:

I was a little distracted when the original meter suddenly shifted after the word "floors".

grandmother[’]s [The floors belong to her.]

The "long gone" phrase had me recalling a certain song which repeats that phrase in a flippant way. That made me feel as if it was out of place.

Looking forward to reading more of your work.

Great poem, it’s very emotional and dramatic! The pauses help create more depth to the poem and I really like how you kept a continuous rhyme scheme. It had a nice flow and could be read as a song, however the last line killed it. “This happened to me late last summer.”, felt out of place because of your continuous scheme. Not all poems have to rhyme,(I personally write many free-verse ones), but you already had one going. I get that it’s hard to constantly rhyme, but you should finish what you started. The rhyming made me feel like someone was anxiously singing their thoughts, so that’s why I’m picking apart the last line. Other than that, the poem was really good! You were very descriptive and the metaphors blended in. None of the details were over the top, so congrats! I don’t want to bother you, but I also posted a poem! I hope you can review it, it’s called American Dream. It’s about the fake happiness that comes with achieving this so-called “american dream”. All and all, you did good. Say hi to Loki for me!

Wow





Feels

Hey 269609! I hope you're doing better now. Poetry can truly be a helpful and amazing way to cope with life experiences like this... It's never easy letting go of a loved one who has passed on, and your poem very much conveys the sorrow and loneliness we can feel in such times. I still remember when I lost my Grandmother... I was around 10, and it was definitely not an easy thing to cope with. As someone who is and was religious (as was my grandmother), I mostly coped knowing that she is in a better a better place. (as cliche as that is to say). And I hope you've found consolidation since her passing as well.

As the life leaves here I feel no urge to apologize to say a mannerly word,

@RavenLord, @woahhitherepal, @LittleLee, @Flumadiddle, @Rosella, @Lake, @IvoryRose, @KaiRyu, @TheBlueCat, @izanami, @WhosabellCanWrite, @BookishBrook, @Danni88, @Londone And anyone else i remember