The dark. The damp. The cold. This is where I live, this is who I am. I am the nightmare of the children I hate so much. Who is it that gives them any right to be happy while others drown in the sorrows of life? They smile in my presence. Why? It is simply because the don't know what else to do. They rudely stare and stupidly smile. God what is it that makes them so weak? But they are happy. How is it possible to be happy when you are so damn weak? Then again maybe those smiles are not of happiness but a shield against fear. They try to conquer fear with a smile, that is very noble of them but it is horrendously stupid because fear can always kill a smile.
I am not fear. I am the one who kills the smiles of the weak. Fear is much to important to do such slave work. So I as his servant must do the dirty deed. I am not one who should speak of weakness because I am the weakest of all beings. I am weak because I did not try to mask how frightened I was. Instead I followed willingly and that is a shame I must carry for the rest of my pathetic life. In my dreams I beg to meet a creature weaker than myself but I never get to see such a thing. Because such a creature does not exist. Not even in my dreams. So I must continue to kill smiles until I can break another being to a point of weakness that will make me look mighty.
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125,015 Literary Works • 672,845 Reviews
I like this, because people question life and death all the time. It reminds me of Hamlet!!!
"To be, or not to be, that is the question—
Whether 'tis Nobler in the mind to suffer
The Slings and Arrows of outrageous Fortune,
Or to take Arms against a Sea of troubles,
And by opposing end them? To die, to sleep—
No more; and by a sleep, to say we end."
I like the figurative language use in this
Hahah thank you so much that really means a lot. I am glad that you like the subject of my writing. Thank you veery much for your comment.
I love the imagery in this, such as 'shields against fear' and 'nightmare of children'. It gives the air of darkness and cruelty which is very prevalent throughout the poem. I especially like the sections about 'killing smiles' and 'the dark. the damp. the cold.', which I felt were very effective and gave a chilly air to the story. Definite follow.
I am very happy that you liked my work. I do like to write on the darker side of things because it is interesting to me. I am very glad that you liked my writing and thank you for your wonderful comments.
Hey there, 221! This is a very interesting piece of work to read, it totally makes the reader think! Good work! Kudos!
Me just being picky... 
There's a few little mistakes which are easy to correct though
"because the don't know what else to do."
This is most likely a typo, but "the" should be "they"
And also...:
" Fear is much to important"
"to" should be "too" and that's all the little mistakes I can find
There's one last thing though - I'd suggest that you break up the paragraph more. At first when the reader clicks on this, they see a block of writing which can kinda put the reader off a bit! I'd suggest breaks in this paragraph.
Perhaps your second one could start with the line you wrote:
"I am not fear."
Just so that line has got more punch, know what I mean?
But overall, great work, your idea is very unique and intriguing, you've done a great job and I love it, I am totally following you
-CFG
Thank you for your review this helps a lot especially because I am new to writing. I do need to be a bit more careful with errors and I defiantly need to work on breaking up paragraphs. I am very glad you found my work intriguing and unique. Thank you very much.
this is an amazing piece of work. i was hooked form the begining, and yet i cant stop reading. this story was astonishing and i admire authors like you. it was almost an automatic follower. you seem to write on the darker side of things, but its so in depth i dont even notice you are truly one of the great writers of this community!
Wow. Thank you so much, that really means a lot to me. I am so glad that you liked my story. I do tend to write on the darker side of things but that is just what comes easily. I will probably be attempting to write something a bit lighter but I am not sure when that will happen. Thank you so much for all of your kind words.
you earned all the kind words you recieved on this piece!
Hey again!
So I read your other work, and this piece popped up in the 'Related Items' section. The title was so intriguing, I just had to take a look! So here I am again!
You really like writing about the grey and gloomy stuff, don't you? Not a bad thing. It's your style as a writer, your personal style, which is a very good thing to have. Though I'd like to see you try other stuff too. But, of course, since it's just your start, stick with what you do best. But eventually, try your hand in all genres, just a suggestion though.
I think your thought are very interesting. What you write makes a reader to sit up and think. I think your work is the kind that is not forgotten easily, the kind that stays with a reader for a long time, somewhere in his sub- conscious. It is something that makes you question. You can plant ideas into another person's mind, ideas that won't leave their minds soon. The line, 'I am the nightmare of the children I hate so much.' is my favorite. The last line makes me think about human nature.
A few commas here and there, and careful punctuation would make the piece even better.
Again, like I said, great work.
Looking forward to more
TheSybarite
Thank you very much Ironically enough while reading your comment I started smiling
. Yes i do like writing about the darker side of things a lot of my ideas are like that. It just comes naturally I am slightly morbid sometimes. I do plan on trying other things but I am new to writing. I am very happy to hear that I made an impression on you after all that is a writer's goal. I also totally agree with the fact that I need to work on commas and punctuation. That has never been a strength of mine. Again I must say thank you for reading my piece and I am glad you liked it. 