Take me.
Take me away.
To the farthest places from the Earth.
Take me in your dark embrace.
I love your fiery eyes,
your sadistic smile,
your haunting voice.
Take me from this cruel place.
It is you who can lead me.
It is you who can guide me.
You can bring me on a journey.
Take me to a special kingdom.
Why not me?
Why the others?
It is I who have always feared you.
Take me instead.
So nice, so innocent.
So bitter and disliked.
So soft and sweet.
Take me, the one who has wronged.
Your travels must be wondrous.
They must be beautiful,
but they must also be tedious.
Take me with you on this erie journey.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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125,014 Literary Works • 672,845 Reviews
Hey!
I find the ideas you write about in this work, rather contradictory to those which are connotated with your title:
'Take me from this cruel place.'
It's not clear who you're addressing here, or where you want them to take you exactly, but one can guess, away from the 'hated.' This is rather difficult to comprehend to be honest. As the work progresses:
'So nice, so innocent.
So bitter and disliked.
So soft and sweet.'
You make good use of repetition and classical poetic devices that communicate your ideas.
Overall, I enjoyed reading this.
Well done.
Methrirr here to review your poem.
I'm not sure what to think about this one. First things firs: *erie.
Other than that, it has a voice, and a definite kind of story, but I'm not getting enough. You've combined a few images here, but you've not included enough of any of the images to paint a clear picture of what you're writing about. That being said, it's not half bad.
A few concept issues, however. This person is asking to be taken from a cruel place by a person who is supposedly... cruel. I don't get it. I can see that this is supposed to be kind of a goodness to bad thing, but you may be able to get away better with having the speaker want to leave a place that is dull, or boring, rather than cruel.
I'd give this piece a 7 out of ten out of confusion. I'm not confused, the piece is. It doesn't quite know what it is yet, which isn't necessarily a bad thing. Hope this helped.
Thank you very much for reviewing and yes it is confusing because I kind of just threw it together pretty quickly. I just kind of got the idea and went for it. If it clears up anything about the cruelness it is because the speaker is talking to death. This poem is basically a death wish from a desperate person. I will definitely try to improve it a bit. Poetry is also not one of my strengths. Thank you for your review and reading my work.