Life is like a rainy day
It starts out wonderful
splish-splashing in puddles
raincoats and boots
*
But as that rain pours
the sun is covered by clouds
there is no joy anymore
closed
stay inside
*
You feel gloomy
like the sun will never shine again
but then
you look out the window
and see a rainbow
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140,098 Literary Works • 672,998 Reviews
Hi, I'm Anne here to review your work!!
Firstly, you've done a brilliant job. The poem really touched my heart. And I'll explain how.
MEANING
The meaning was illustrious!! Every cloud has a silver lining! I really liked the usage of rainbow. The description that colors give us just as much happiness as light does, and the supposed glum is not from lack of light but rather from continuous darkness was heartwarming and much appreciated. On the other hand, this poem could have also been effectively used to tell that sometimes, we feel great even in a storm. Since I find, looking at the rain very comforting. But I think, that might not have been the idea o the poem. Good job anyway!
LANGUAGE AND FLOW
The poem flowed smooth like butter.The structure was amazing as well. First happiness, then gloominess and lastly hope. It was very engaging to read it. The language was flawless. I din't however understand why the first stanza only had 4 lines. But maybe that was done intentionally.
Overall, the poem was really enjoyable. A rainbow in my rainy life. Thank you for writing it
And of course, keep writing
Heya, Rubes here with a review!
1st impressions:
Wow! I love the language and story line combined to create such a beautiful poem. I love the fact that every stanza is another section of life in a way, it really represents the good days contrasting with the sadder, more lonely days. I adore the way in which you show this both with visual language and almost a unique point of view for every reader. Let's deep into this then
Nice start, I like the use of the words "starts out". It makes the reader think oh no, what's going down (or I felt like that at least). I love how mysterious it is for the viewer of this piece. We know it will take a turn, but how exactly we don't know that.
I had to point this part out just because of how much I love it. You could have easily just said "Jumping in the water // very happy indeed" but you used the rainy days to give an example. I love this and it needs to be recognized!
Again, beautiful 2 lines! I like how you used the weather to slowly darken the meaning, we all know something is going down but can predict what will happen next. I like it, the simplicity as well. It isn't crazy, difficult metaphoric language and can be easily understood.
The feeling is real...painfully and truthfully real. It really tells the audience that "hey, we all have bad days, we all do but we need to push on wards" The 'but then' keeps on the edge of our seat.
I feel like this is a bit sudden, agreeing with what @Phillauthet said earlier on.
I think this is really amazingly done, you definitely showed life and weather together beautifully.
stay safe,
Rubes x
Hi!
This poem expresses your emotions wonderfully. And that's beautiful.
I like how you compare the rain to life.
I know I'm straying from my review here, but I feel that the whole thing depends on your perspective. Personally, I love the rain, I see it as a joyful time when everything is alive and fresh. The thunder can be seen as terrifying roars, or comfort from the heavens. It all depends on how you look at it.
I really don't know what to say, but keep writing!
Hi @1dratherbewriting! This is belated, but welcome to YWS! I hope you like it here. I am hannah, and I hope this review is helpful!
Glows:
Wow, I liked this a lot! I love poems that are sequential like this one. I like how it is sort of like a roller coaster anymore and that even in the darkest times, there is hope.
Grows:
This was a good poem, but I think that there are better ways to format it than just asterisks in between stanzas. Maybe just ~ or - ?
I also thought that this:
"You feel gloomy
like the sun will never shine again
but then
you look out the window
and see a rainbow"
was a bit sudden.
Overall, this was a great poem, especially for your first one! Great job. Keep writing and have a great day! I hope this review was helpful! I hope to hear more from you.
Sincerely,
hannah0528
Hey! FlamingPhoenix here with a review for you on this chilly day.
I really liked this poem, there have been often times I feel this way. Lol I also really liked it because it pouring with rain over here and what better thing to read.
I was a little surprised the poem didn't rhyme like most I have read, but I found myself really enjoying it. I do think you could maybe expand on the poem just a tad, I feel there is still space to add more, expand on. But that's just my opinion.
I do still love this poem! Its put together really well, your choice of words were really good, and i also like how you try and avoid using the same words, most writers have trouble with that. I myself really have a hard time.
You did mention this was your first poem so you should be proud of yourself! My poems aren't even this good!
Over all I loved every pit of this and I look forward to seeing more of your works out on YWS! I hope you will continue writing, and have a great day or night!
FlamingPhoenix
Reviewing with a fiery passion.
Hi!
I thought I would drop by for a little review since I absolutely love poetry! Today was a very rainy day where I live and this was the perfect thing to read.
First, I liked how the poem didn't really rhyme. It was more of a free verse. The imagery was also great, too. The phrases you used like "splish-splashing in puddles" were great and I could clearly picture it in my head.
The only critique I really have is rhythm. It was a bit inconsistent. Of course, this is just a suggestion so don't feel like you have to fix anything.
Overall, great job! I hope you keep writing and I cannot wait to see more of your work.
Signed,
Pineapple
thank you so much!
its nice part of me feels it could go through one more rewrite.
however that part of me is comparing what you have done to what i would have done.
and i do not believe that is a good base for any kind of criticism.
the only critic i think is valid is it could be a touch more haunting.
Im confused..what do you mean?