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Broken pieces

by 1dratherbewriting


I am like glass

that has been smashed

I am like a flower

being ripped apart

˜

My body is like a distorted image

on an amusement park funhouse

my soul is like a black blanket 

covering the stars

˜

I am unfixable

I cannot do this

˜

I am a bunch of tiny fragments

shoved together

an unsolvable puzzle

with broken pieces


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76 Reviews


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Reviews: 76

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Sun Jun 13, 2021 3:21 pm
NivedaJames22 wrote a review...



Hey I'dratherbedrawing!

This is a really great poem, and I think you've expressed your feelings of brokenness in a beautiful manner. I like how you compare yourself to an unsolvable puzzle, smashed glass, torn-up flowers, and a distorted reflection.

I think you've misspelt "Broken pieces" as "Broken peices" in the title.

I think there's an error in this line:

with brokenieces


I think you meant "broken pieces" in the last line, instead of "brokenieces".

[quotes] I am like glass

that has been smashed

I am like a flower

being ripped apart [/quote]

I love the comparisons you use here, about the smashed glass and the ripped-up flower.

[quotes] My body is like a distorted image

on an amusement park funhouse

my soul is like a black blanket

covering the stars

[/quote]

Once again, I really like the comparisons you use, with the distorted reflections at the amusement park funhouse, and the blanket covering the stars.

[quotes] I am a bunch of tiny little things

shoved together

an unsolvable puzzle

with brokenieces

[/quote]

AGAIN, I think you've used some great comparisons, like the unsolvable puzzles made of random broken pieces.

On the whole, I think it's a great poem with really good comparisons. Can't wait to read more of your work.

Keep writing. <3




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Sun Jun 13, 2021 9:40 am
anne27 wrote a review...



Hi!! I'm here to review your work!

I found your poem very interesting..

MEANING
Your poem, according to me, described how sometimes we feel 'unfixable' as you say it. Hopeless that we can't do some things and also helplessness seizes us because a puzzle cannot be complete with broken pieces. And broken is indeed what we feel. The way your poem expressed this emotional meaning was heartwarming! And I loved reading it.

LANGUAGE
The language used in this poem was incredible! The poetic devices made it so much more appealing. Those apt analogies of puzzles, glass and flower were so beautiful! Maybe you could have elaborated them a little. But its upto you, the poem is perfect even in the form it is now.

One suggestion I'd like to give is to convert the simile in metaphor for the first stanza.
What I mean is something like this

I am a delicate glass

that has been smashed

I am a pretty flower

being ripped apart

I feel a metaphor gives more beauty and emphasis on the analogy than a simile does. It is one thing to say ' He fought like a lion' and completely another to say, 'He was the lion'. Don't you think?
It's upto you though.

Overall, I really enjoyed reading your poem. Good job with the language.
Keep blessing us with more of your work!! :D




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Sun Jun 13, 2021 2:40 am
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FakeStories13 wrote a review...



Hello! I found your poem very interesting!

I think putting the two line stanza at the end of your poem could be a way to resolve the poem since it breaks the pattern of four line stanzas.

Maybe instead of writing, "I am a bunch of tiny little things," you could write, "I am a bunch of tiny fragments." "Tiny," and, "little," are a little bit repetitive.

I also like how you used repetition through similes to communicate the message that you feel broken into multiple pieces. Unless the lines, "my soul is like a black blanket/covering the stars," have a separate significance that add to the meaning of your poem, maybe you can change it to a simile that also has to do with being broken apart.

I really like the similes that you used, especially the one about the distorted image, and the image and idea created by them. I think it is a very well written and expressive poem!




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Sun Jun 13, 2021 12:20 am
TheWarriorMingan wrote a review...



Hello, Writing! (Can I call you that, or is there something else you prefer?)

This is my favorite part:

I am unfixable/I cannot do this


Also, I spotted one error in the last line:
with brokenieces

Here, I think you meant "broken pieces".

And you might want to add in some punctuation, but it's not necessary. I also love your use of these: ~. I'm not sure what they're called. lol

I can't find anything in the actual poem to criticize, I have to say, it feels like the narrator is depressed. I like it!

-Sincerely, Mingan

Follow your heart, and nothing can go wrong. (concerning writing)






Thanks and ya that was just a typo




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