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16+ Language Violence Mature Content

Thorne | Prologue

by 1TryingBird


Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for language, violence, and mature content.

December 24, 2026

The soft hum of the newscaster's voice filled the spacious living room of the Texas home, where Addison Thorne stood at the kitchen counter chopping onions. She paused and wiped a tear from her cheek, the pungent smell of onion stinging her eyes. She looked over at her husband, Matteo, who sat in his favorite La-Z-Boy recliner with a cold Bud Light in hand, intently listening to the news. The bright light from the television bounced off the shiny aluminum can, creating a small glimmer in the dimly lit room.

"What's happenin'?" Addison's Texas drawl cut through the silence.

Matteo took a long sip from his beer before responding, mimicking his wife's accent. "There's trouble brewing in Egypt," he said gravely. "And it's spreading to other countries."

Images of explosions and chaos flashed across the screen, causing a shiver to run down Addison's spine. She clenched her fists and bit her lip, trying to hold back her rising fear.

"Looks like Christmas might not happen this year," Matteo continued solemnly. "The government has issued an emergency shutdown for the entire continent."

Addison felt her heart race as she processed the gravity of the situation. "What about us? What are we suppose' to do?"

Matteo shrugged nonchalantly. "They just want everyone to stay home and not leave the country. They've closed the borders with Mexico and Canada too."

Addison set down her. Her mind raced with fear and uncertainty. "Oh my god," she whispered. "This could mean war."

Meanwhile on the television, the newscaster's voice droned on about Egypt's threats and nuclear weapons, mentioning how North Korea and Russia had joined in.

"Oh hell, those Russians never mind their own business," Matteo grumbled.

Outside, a yellow school bus pulled up to a stop outside the Thorne's house, and their son Caspian jumped off and ran up the pathway towards their front door. With a key in hand, he unlocked the door and stepped inside.

Matteo jumped up from his chair, hand smacking his thigh in a reflex he never got over. But when he saw Caspian's smiling face, he settled back down.

"Hey there, Casanova," Addison's voice called from the kitchen. "How was school today?"

Caspian waved off her question as he made his way to his father's side. "It was fine, Mom. But they let us out early because of some government emergency or something."

"Oh yeah, we heard about that on the news just now," Matteo said, eyebrows raised in concern. "But they're not telling the whole story. Why do we have to shut everything down if we're not even at war with these other countries?"

"I don't know," Caspian said, walking to his room, looking over his shoulder, he stopped before entering "But maybe this is one time we dont get involved, when nukes might be used" He laughed, even at 11 years old, his parents let him use the internet, in which his knowledge grew and his views changed. His father, not one for "surfing the web", loved hearing the new things Caspian learned online.

As Matteo and Addison sat down after dinner later that night, the TV suddenly flickered to life with an urgent breaking news bulletin. A loud boom shook the Thorne family home and they all jumped up from the dinner table.

"What the hell was that noise?" Addison said, her voice groggy.

"Sounded like a huge explosion somewhere nearby," Matteo replied as they hurried to the living room window. In the distance, smoke rose from different points on the horizon, and they could hear sirens blaring from emergency vehicles.

Caspian ran out of his room, wearing a white t-shirt and blue underwear, his parents following close behind. "What's happening?" he asked, eyes wide with fear.

"We don't know yet, son," Matteo said, putting a reassuring hand on his shoulder. "But we'll stay together and keep each other safe."Addison grabbed the remote and switched the TV on, the same newsman from earlier sat reading a piece of paper.

"Matty come here," She said, beckoning for her husband "The same person who was on earlier." She said pointing to the TV.

"It is, quiet down so I can hear the man" Matteo said, grabbing the remote from Addison and turning the volume up.Caspian watched as a bar appeared at the bottom of the TV.

7--8--9--10--"So bright..."The newscaster said "Reports from San Antonio say that an entire Mega Mall was leveled"--17--18--19--20 "Oh dear god,what have they done?" Addison said, as pictures of the mall appeared on screen, the newsman hadn't sugar coated it. All that was left of the mega mall was rubble, flat rubble. And the land around it was completely barren, the cars now piles of ash and scrap.

The tear that rolled down Addison's face left a trail of salty wetness, reflecting the orange of the flames displayed on the TV screen, and this time it wasn't because of an onion. Her sons eyes glimmered in the television light. His eyes were wide with horror as he watched the destruction unfolding on the screen."Look away Cas" She said, bringing her son to her, and holding him against her. "We need to go" Matteo said, "Come on, lets get to the basement!"

The family rushed around the house, gathering essential items: clothes, food, books, a radio. They knew they had to be prepared for whatever might come next.

Matteo was the last one out of the house, he joined his family behind the home, in front of the basement. He pulled it open, and dust filtered out."C-c'mon " He said, coughing, his arms ushering his family in. Suddenly a blinding flash appeared like a bunny out of a magicians hat. "GO!" He yelled, as he rushed into the basement, the doors slamming behind him, narrowly missing the black, yellow, and blood-red cloud of smoke and debree.

December 25, 2026

A deafening thud reverberated through the walls, dislodging dust from the basement ceiling where Matteo Thorne shielded his son with a sturdy arm. Caspian, small and wide-eyed beneath the dim glow of a single battery-powered lantern, clung to his father as another concussive wave rippled through their sanctuary. Beside them, Addison crouched, her fingers white-knuckled around the radio’s handle, the static-filled voice from the speaker providing a grim soundtrack to their new reality.

“Matteo, we should set up over there, by the shelves,” Addison suggested, her voice steady despite the tremor of the ground beneath them. Matteo nodded, and together they began to unpack the bags that contained the remnants of their once-ordinary life.

As Caspian helped, he tried to make sense of the shadows his action figures cast, a futile attempt to impose normalcy on a situation far beyond his understanding. His mother had always affectionately called him ‘Casanova,’ a term that now felt out of place amidst the harshness of their current predicament.

“Mom, will things be okay?” Caspian asked, his voice barely above a whisper.

“Of course, Casanova,” Addison replied, pulling him close and kissing the top of his head. “We're together, that's what counts.”

Matteo busied himself with loading and checking the guns, the click-clack of the mechanisms punctuating the silence. Knives were carefully placed within reach, each item a grim reminder of the necessity for protection. Books, board games, canned and bagged foods lay stacked against the wall, in the corner, a large patch of dirt lay bare.

It was then the radio crackled to life with a message that pierced the air like the sirens that had sent them scurrying underground just hours before. “This is an emergency broadcast. The southern half of North America has sustained a large-scale attack...”

The family froze, the announcement settling heavily upon them. Matteo tightened his grip on the gun as Addison reached out and switched off the radio, her face pale and drawn. Caspian watched his parents, the foundations of his world shaken, his heart heavy with the realization that the comforts of his childhood may forever be changed.

“Listen to me,” Matteo said, kneeling before his son and locking eyes with him. “We have each other, and we're going to get through this. We're strong, resilient. We're Thornes.” There was a fire in his voice, a determination that Caspian latched onto like a lifeline.

“Stay sharp, stay smart, and stay together,” Addison added, her hand finding Matteo’s and squeezing it tight.

In the gloom of the basement, surrounded by the trappings of survival, the Thorne family settled in for the night, bound together by love and the unspoken promise to endure whatever lay ahead.

March 10, 2027

The family had survived for 3 months, or thats what they counted, on the food, and never got bored due to the vast amount of books and games. Some were made up. Some were not. But the medicine started running out when Addison caught a disease that no medicine seemed to cure. Eventually she advised Matteo to just save the medicine and let Gods plan work.

Caspian’s breath formed mist in the dim basement air as he huddled close to his parents, the cold concrete wall pressing against his back. The radio, once their lifeline to the outside world, now emitted nothing but static and occasional fragmented transmissions that spoke of a world tearing itself apart. Matteo had explained it to him in hushed tones: nations at war, alliances shattered, the sky itself seemed to rain fire as missiles streaked across continents.

“War is chaos, Cas,” Matteo said, the weight of his gun never far from his grasp. “Remember, it's not about who's right anymore—it's about who's left.”

Addison coughed, a hollow sound that had become more frequent over the weeks. Caspian turned his eyes to her, noticing the subtle changes—the paleness of her skin now marred by strange patches, the fatigue that seemed to cling to her like a shroud. They had all lost weight, the scarcity of food taking its toll, but with Addison, it was different. A sinister affliction was at work beneath the surface.

“Mom?” Caspian’s voice was barely above a whisper, fear lacing his words.

She attempted a reassuring smile, but it faltered. “I'm here, Casanova.” Her hand reached out, trembling as she touched his cheek, leaving a smudge that was colder than the basement air.

Days passed, each one indistinguishable from the last, marked only by the dwindling supplies and the persistent silence of the radio. But it was Addison’s condition that became the metronome of dread ticking away in the background. What began as a mere cough evolved into something monstrous. Her once smooth skin now hung loosely from her bones, peeling away in layers to reveal an scabby white substance threaded with dark veins.

“Is it... radiation sickness?” Caspian asked, struggling to comprehend the transformation before his eyes.

“Something like it,” Matteo replied, his voice brittle. He didn’t look at his wife as he spoke, instead focusing on cleaning his rifle—a futile gesture of control in a world where it no longer existed.

“Can we do anything?” Caspian insisted, desperation edging into his tone. He wanted to fight this invisible enemy, to protect his mother as they had been protected by the thick walls of their makeshift refuge.

“Caspian... my smart, sweet boy...” Addison’s voice broke, the words catching in her throat as tears streamed down her cheeks. She took a shaky breath, her voice a strained melody of sorrow. “Some battles are fought on the inside. And sometimes...” She paused, her voice barely a whisper as she struggled to find the strength to continue, “sometimes we don’t win them.” Her words hung heavy in the air, a weight that settled upon Matteo and Caspian’s hearts. The room fell into a profound silence as Addison closed her eyes, seeking solace within the depths of her own pain. After a moment, she opened her eyes, her gaze filled with a haunting sadness. “Caspian, my darling, there are battles that rage within us, battles that no one else can see or truly understand. They are the battles of the heart, the battles of the mind, and sometimes, they become battles of the soul. They can consume us, devouring every ounce of strength and hope we possess.” Her voice quivered with a mix of vulnerability and anguish. “I have fought those battles, my love. I have fought against the demons that whispered doubts, that clouded my vision and suffocated my spirit. I fought with every fiber of my being, hoping to emerge victorious, to reclaim the light that once burned so brightly within me.” A single tear traced a path down her face, mirroring the pain etched in her voice. “But, my sweet boy, sometimes the darkness is relentless. Sometimes it engulfs us, leaving us lost in a labyrinth of despair. It feels as if we are drowning beneath the weight of our own thoughts and emotions.”

Matteo’s hands stopped moving over the weapon, the finality of her words settling over them like another layer of debris. He reached for Addison, cradling her gently in his arms as if trying to shield her from the onslaught of the unseen foe within her body. Caspian joined them, wrapping his arms around them both, the Thorne family entwined in the face of the unrelenting storm that raged beyond their sanctuary.

As Addison’s breaths became more labored, Matteo tightened his grip on her hand, his own eyes brimming with tears. “Addison, please,” he pleaded softly, his voice thick with emotion.

But Addison continued, her words growing fainter with each passing moment. “And in those moments, Caspian, my dear child, remember this... Remember that even in the darkest of nights, there is still a flicker of light. Hold onto that light, no matter how small, for it is the spark of hope that can guide you through the abyss.”

Her strength waning, Addison managed a faint smile, her lips trembling. “My brave, beautiful boy... Never lose sight of that light. And know that even as I leave this world, my love for you will shine on, eternal and unwavering.”

With one final effort, Addison’s hand tightened around Matteo’s, her grip faltering as her body succumbed to the relentless grasp of death. A violent cough wracked her frail form, and her skin grew paler, the color draining from her cheeks.

“Caspian... my smart, sweet boy...” Her voice faded into a whisper, barely audible above the hushed sobs filling the room. And with those last words, Addison’s eyes fluttered closed, her final breath escaping her lips as Matteo held her close, his heart breaking with the weight of her parting wisdom.

March 11, 2026

The stillness of the basement seemed to mock the battle that once raged outside its walls. With soft, deliberate movements, Matteo carefully wrapped Addison in the quilt she had brought down all those months ago, her body light and fragile in his arms. Caspian stood beside him, his young face etched with premature lines of grief.

They laid her to rest in the corner where sprouts should have burst forth from the soil, but didn’t—a testament to life’s cruel fickleness. Caspian shoveled the last of the dirt, his hands steady despite the tremor in his heart. Matteo then placed a hand on his shoulder, anchoring him to this somber reality as he began to speak.

Matteo’s voice grew softer, his tone filled with a mix of sorrow and determination. “Remember, my son, strength is not measured by the absence of fear. It’s found in our ability to confront that fear, to face the darkness head-on and refuse to let it define us. We may feel overwhelmed at times, but it’s in those moments that we must dig deep, find the reserves of courage within us, and keep moving forward.”

He paused, his gaze fixed on Caspian’s tear-streaked face. “There will be days when the world feels unbearable, when hope seems like a distant memory. Lean on me, my son, and let us carry each other through the the nights your mother spoke of.”

Matteo’s voice quivered with a mixture of sadness and conviction. “We must resist the temptation to become bitter or lose faith in the inherent goodness that still resides within humanity.”

He took a deep breath, his voice steady but laden with the weight of their reality. “Evil exists, son, but so does love, never underestimate the power of a single act of goodness to counteract the evil that surrounds us.”

He paused, looking around the dimly lit basement that had been their world for three torturous months. “Your mother believed in you, believed that you were meant for great things. And so do I. Carry her in your heart, Caspian Winchester Thorne, and let her light guide you through the darkest times.” He let every syllable of Caspians name out slow and hard, an emphasis on his words.

The silence that followed was filled with unsaid words and unshed tears. They remained there, by Addison’s grave, until they grew tired.

Days passed, the radio’s empty static, which had lost all purpose, becoming the only sound echoing through the hollow space after conversation had dried up like the rations they consumed. The inevitable loomed over them; time was a luxury they no longer possessed.

One morning, as dawn crept through the cracks, Matteo stood before the sealed door that led to the world above. His expression was unreadable, a mask, stone carved by necessity. 

“Stay here, Cas,” he said, his hand resting on the doorknob, a barrier between the known and the unknown. “I have to see if there’s anything out there that can help us—medicine, food, something.”

“Let me come with—” Caspian started, but he was cut off by his fathers stare.

“No. It’s safer for you here. If I’m not back by nightfall...” He trailed off, unable to voice the possibility that hung between them like a specter.

“You’ll come back,” Caspian asserted, more to convince himself than to reassure his father.

Matteo gave a faint smile that didn’t reach his eyes and pulled his son close for a fierce hug. Then, with a deep breath, he opened the door and stepped into the uncertainty of the ash-filled morning. The heavy thud of the door closing behind him was the final punctuation on all they had endured together.

Caspian, left alone in the silence of the basement, clutched the large blanket that still held the warmth of his family, waiting for a return that would never come.

April 1, 2027

Caspian’s fingers trembled as they rifled through the dimly lit shelves, his breath misting in the cold that had seeped into their subterranean refuge. He grabbed a few dented cans, the labels peeling and illegible, remnants of a world that now felt like a distant dream. In the corner lay a black leather jacket, soft and worn, a birthday gift he had given his mother the previous year, that seemed to carry her embrace within its folds. He slipped it over his shoulders, the scent of her lingering in the fabric, a bittersweet comfort.



He grabbed his fathers rifle and Baretta m9, along with a small bag for ammo.

With methodical precision, he stuffed the meager supplies into an old duffle bag, the kitchen knife with its well-worn handle clinking against the cans. The radio, silent for weeks now, was next, followed by the dove figure carved by his father’s hands on a long-ago Christmas Eve. It fit snugly in his palm, the picture of his parents smiling up at him from the bottom, a talisman against the darkness.

He zipped the bag shut, hoisted it over his shoulder, and cast one last glance over the barren plot of dirt where they had laid his mother to rest. Then, with a resolute exhale, Caspian pushed open the basement door. A gust of acrid air rushed in, carrying with it the scent of copper and char, a stench that clawed at his throat.

The sky above was a tapestry of gray, streaked with darker smudges that swirled and danced like macabre snowflakes. Ash, not snow. His steps crunched on a carpet of it as he navigated the ruins of what once had been his neighborhood. Flames still gnawed at the skeletons of homes, the heat offering a twisted parody of warmth.

Caspian moved through the desolation with a ghost’s silence, the memories of this place haunting his every step. His home, or what remained of it, stood ravaged by the relentless bombing, now nothing more than fragile walls and scorched earth. He paused at the threshold, heart heavy with trepidation and sorrow.

Amidst the wreckage, something fluttered—a scrap of paper pinned beneath a shard of glass. Caspian reached for it, fingers brushing against the rough edges as he unfurled the note. Matteo’s handwriting, familiar and steady even in chaos, spilled across the page:

“My dearest Caspian,

With a heavy heart, I pen these words, burdened by the weight of my decision. I'm sorry for the pain it causes you, but circumstances have forced my hand. The scarcity of food leaves us no choice but to seek provisions elsewhere, though the odds are grim. Please know, son, that my departure is not a choice made lightly. It's a desperate act of survival, a sacrifice I make to ensure your chance at life.

Do not mourn my absence; instead, focus on your own well-being. Remember the teachings of your mother and me, the lessons ingrained in your very being. They are the armor you wear in this harsh world, the light guiding your path through darkness.



One day we will meet again, be it here or in heaven. And we will hug and laugh and cry. We will share stories, we will remember what once was.

Forever yours, in love and spirit,

Matteo”

Tears blurred Caspian’s vision as he clutched the note to his chest. His father’s words echoed in his mind, a painful reminder of their severed bond. The ache in his heart throbbed with each beat, a physical pain that matched the emptiness left behind.

“One day,” he whispered into the void, his voice breaking. The note was carefully folded and placed inside his jacket pocket, close to his heart, as he turned his back on the past and stepped forward into the uncertain future.

April 12, 2027

The embers crackled, their warm glow a stark contrast to the bleakness around him. Caspian hunched over the small fire he had built in the center of the driveway where his family’s car once parked. Shadows danced across the ruins of the neighborhood, playing tricks on his eyes. He added another piece of broken chair leg to the flames and watched as they eagerly devoured it.

A soft whine cut through the silence and Caspian stiffened, his hand instinctively going to the kitchen knife at his belt. But what emerged from the darkness was not a threat; it was a black dog, skeletal with each rib etched beneath its matted fur. Its eyes held a wariness that mirrored his own, yet it edged closer to the warmth of the fire, drawn by an innate need for comfort.

“Hey there,” Caspian murmured, keeping his voice low and gentle. The dog’s ears perked up but it didn’t back away. Slowly, Caspian reached out, allowing it to sniff his outstretched hand. A bond of mutual desolation formed between boy and beast in that simple gesture.

With careful movements, Caspian unhooked the frayed leash which was attached to the dog's collar alongside a nametag that read “Lucien”. Caspian tied the leash securely to a small pole that jutted from the ground, remnants of a long-gone street sign. He then retrieved a small chunk of cheese and jerky from his duffle bag—a precious ration—but the sight of the dog’s hunger made the decision feel right. He placed the food before the dog, who ate with a quiet desperation that knotted Caspian’s stomach.

“Thirsty?” he asked, already knowing the answer. He poured water from a large jug into a makeshift bowl, its sides bent and tarnished, and watched the dog lap it up eagerly.

Night deepened, and the fire dimmed to a comforting hum. Caspian lay down beside the dog, feeling its tremulous body relax against him. In the dog’s shallow breaths, there was companionship; a silent understanding that neither of them was alone in this charred world—they were survivors, if only for one more night.

As sleep claimed him, Caspian felt the dog’s warmth seep through the leather jacket—a final gift from his mother—and it was almost as if her love wrapped around him once again. In the distance, the silent sky wept ash like snow, covering everything in a pall of forgetfulness. But here, a boy and a lone dog shared solace amidst the chaos, bound by the simple need to endure.



END OF PROLOGUE

In the gripping saga of "Thorne," Caspian Winchester Thorne emerges as the central figure, his resilience and determination tested to their limits against the backdrop of a world ravaged by destruction and despair. As Caspian confronts each challenge and endures heart-wrenching loss, his character is tempered in the crucible of adversity, his spirit unyielding in the face of overwhelming odds. Amidst the profound grief of losing his parents and the weight of responsibility thrust upon him, Caspian's journey becomes an exploration of human resilience and the enduring power of lasting familial bonds to sustain hope amidst the darkest of times.

Through his unwavering courage and relentless determination, Caspian embodies the indomitable spirit of the Thorne legacy, offering a beacon of light in a world shrouded in darkness. As he navigates the treacherous terrain of a post-nuclear society, Caspian's mind, body, and soul is tested, not only by the chemicals, elements, and scarcity of supplies, but by faith. In "Thorne," author T. Bird delivers a riveting narrative that resonates with themes of loss, love, and the enduring power of hope, in a society where there is none.



 Authors Note: Thank you for reading Thorne: Prologue, I worked tirelessly on it, on the little father and mother monlogues as well. It took hours just to find the right words, lol. So please, be patient, the first chapter will be released soon.

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Sat Mar 02, 2024 5:29 pm
RavenAkuma wrote a review...



Hello, My Friend!

Pleasure to meet you! I am Raven, and I’d like to review this [chapter/short story/poem] using my Familiar method today! It’s pretty much the YWS’more method with the touch of a fantasy-horror writer. Let’s dive in, shall we? Heh heh heh…

What The Black Eyes See...

This was an INCREDIBLE prologue! I love the length -but for that reason, this will be a long review, so bear with me please haha. Okay, so from what I gleaned, the Thorne family was living averagely in the future year 2026, when war broke out and left the southern states in pretty much a nuclear fallout. The family strived in the basement for a while, until Addison got sick and passed away, and Matteo had to leave for supplies soon after. Caspian, in desperation, enters the wasteland to find only a note from his missing father, but also a black dog to keep him company. Now, let's get into the details.

Where The Dagger Points...

I can make absolutely no recommendations to better the content of this chapter, this is an incredible opening! I do have some grammatical and structural recommendations, free to take or leave.

Firstly, I'd like to remark upon the separation of the dates in the writing. Just to help things read better and look prettier, I would recommend bold-typing and maybe underlining the dates, and putting an extra space before and after to separate them from the rest of the story. A minor thing, but it would work wonders on the format.

Second, also regarding formatting, perhaps italicizing Matteo's letter and, again, spacing it out. Just to separate written dialogue from descriptions/normal dialogue.

Thirdly, dialogue tags! I see a whole lot of "he said" and "she said" and especially given the chaos and hellfire that has consumed their section of the world, it consistently feels like an understatement. Perhaps diversify and add more "she whimpered, he cried, she exclaimed, he growled, etc." Even simpler ones like "he responded" and "he replied" would help here. Body language and actions can also be used as good substitutes, e.g:

He grabbed the gun here. "Now he's speaking here."

And now, typo and grammar recommendations:

Addison set down her. Her mind raced with fear and uncertainty.


I think you're missing a word here. As Addison was chopping onions, I would assume she set down her knife or another kitchen utensil.

"It is, quiet down so I can hear the man" Matteo said, grabbing the remote from Addison and turning the volume up.Caspian watched as a bar appeared at the bottom of the TV.


I think you're missing a comma after Matteo's dialogue, and a space between the first sentence and the next.

7--8--9--10--"So bright..."The newscaster said "Reports from San Antonio say that an entire Mega Mall was leveled"--17--18--19--20 "Oh dear god,what have they done?" Addison said, as pictures of the mall appeared on screen, the newsman hadn't sugar coated it. All that was left of the mega mall was rubble, flat rubble. And the land around it was completely barren, the cars now piles of ash and scrap.


There was a lot of dialogue thrown into one paragraph here, and I think it needs a bit of separation. Traditionally, a new paragraph should be formed whenever someone else starts speaking. Here, the numbers seemed a bit out of place; I'm assuming they're in the aforementioned bar along the bottom of the screen, but they could use some separation from the newscaster dialogue -and an elipsis, to show they're ongoing while the newscaster is talking. Addison's remark could also be separated, and employ that dialogue tag diversity I mentioned. (Example...

7--8--9--10...

"So bright..." The newscaster said, "Reports from San Antonio say that an entire Mega Mall was leveled."

As pictures of the mall appeared on screen, Addison yelped, "Oh dear god, what have they done?")

Moving on...

Her sons eyes glimmered in the television light. His eyes were wide with horror as he watched the destruction unfolding on the screen."Look away Cas" She said, bringing her son to her, and holding him against her. "We need to go" Matteo said, "Come on, lets get to the basement!"


More dialogue that could be separated (separate line for Addison making Cas look away, separate line for Matteo speaking). Also, I think you're missing some grammar symbols here. "Her son's eyes" and "let's get to the basement," and also missing a comma both after Addison's dialogue and after Matteo's ("look away Cas," she said. "We need to go," he said.)

"GO!" He yelled, as he rushed into the basement, the doors slamming behind him, narrowly missing the black, yellow, and blood-red cloud of smoke and debree.


Minor error, "debree" is spelled "debris."

“Caspian... my smart, sweet boy...” Addison’s voice broke, the words catching in her throat as tears streamed down her cheeks. She took a shaky breath, her voice a strained melody of sorrow. “Some battles are fought on the inside. And sometimes...” She paused, her voice barely a whisper...


Amazing monologue actually, I very much enjoyed it! However, it was all clumped into one VERY long paragraph, and there was a lot of body language mixed in. There's nothing technically wrong with this and this can be a very subjective opinion, but sometimes, massive clumps of dialogue and action can cause the words to bleed together a bit. I would recommend separating some of the dialogue, by using those actions. Maybe not with this line exactly, but for example:

("Caspian...my smart, sweet boy..."

Addison's voice broke, her words catching in her throat as tears streamed down her cheeks. She took a shaky breath, her voice strained in a melody of sorrow.

"Some battles are fought on the inside. And sometimes..." She paused, her voice barely a whisper...)

Moving on...

March 11, 2026


Minor mistake here, but I think this year was supposed to be 2027.

“Let me come with—” Caspian started, but he was cut off by his fathers stare.


Last thing I'll mention, minor grammatical error, as "father's" is missing an apostrophe.

If this seems like a lot of mistakes, hardly; it's a long chapter, and there was way more that was captured incredibly, and with the amazing content, these didn't really stick out.

Also, I am not a professional, so please always take my advice with a grain of salt.

Why The Grin Widened...

Ah, where to begin! Firstly, I like the imagery you generated to go with the story, it helped set the mood.

The complex emotions, captured in almost every line of dialogue, just kept hitting me again and again with surprise and anticipation.

The determination here:

“We have each other, and we're going to get through this. We're strong, resilient. We're Thornes.” There was a fire in his voice, a determination that Caspian latched onto like a lifeline.


The grief here:

As Addison’s breaths became more labored, Matteo tightened his grip on her hand, his own eyes brimming with tears. “Addison, please,” he pleaded softly, his voice thick with emotion.


The desperation as Matteo inspires his son:

“Your mother believed in you, believed that you were meant for great things. And so do I. Carry her in your heart, Caspian Winchester Thorne, and let her light guide you through the darkest times.” He let every syllable of Caspian's name out slow and hard, an emphasis on his words.


Even outside the dialogue, like the sobering language in this description:

He didn’t look at his wife as he spoke, instead focusing on cleaning his rifle—a futile gesture of control in a world where it no longer existed.


And finally, the taste of relief and companionship to remedy a great loneliness:

In the dog’s shallow breaths, there was companionship; a silent understanding that neither of them was alone in this charred world—they were survivors, if only for one more night.


It was all handled so well, and it all contributed in setting the stage for a rich and incredible journey. Not only that, but the parental love and wisdom from Matteo and Addison, the desperation to protect and brace their son for a grim future, and the subtle sense of childish uncertainty from Caspian -despite taking on a very mature role- felt realistic and genuine. It's easy to find ways to empathize with the characters, and that immediately drew my interest and urge to keep going in this story.

Our Mad Thoughts...

Overall, this did everything that a prologue should do; it set the stage, the pretenses, and the tone. It got us invested, and introduced key characters in this young protagonist's journey. I hope to see Chapter One soon! Very nicely done! :)

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Sat Feb 10, 2024 2:02 pm
Youbeaucupid wrote a review...



Cupid's Sweetheart Spotlights:


Introduction:


SWOOSH! Greetings, lovely heart! Cupid here, armed with my bow, arrow, and a sprinkle of stardust for an enchanting adventure. Today, I'm diving into the captivating world of reviews with my very own Cupid's Sweetheart Spotlight. It's like the incredible YWS S'more Method, but with a dash of cupid's magic! Let's get flying, shall we?

Fluttering Wings - Initial Impressions:

Picture this: the soft hum of tragedy sets the scene as we step into the Texas home of the Thorne family. Right from the get-go, you're drawn into their world, where uncertainty hangs heavy in the air like a mist. But amidst the chaos, there's a warmth that seeps through, pulling at your heartstrings and making you root for Addison and her loved ones. It's like stepping into a familiar embrace, filled with emotions that make your heart skip a beat! :)

Arrow Adjustments - Love Crafting Suggestions:

Now, let's sprinkle a little extra love into this already enchanting tale, shall we? Here's where we can fine-tune those arrows and take this heartwarming story to even greater heights! 🏹

Character Depth: While the characters are already captivating, consider delving deeper into their inner worlds. Dive into their fears, dreams, and motivations with vivid detail, allowing us readers to connect with them on a deeper level! Show us the nuances of their personalities and the complexities of their emotions, painting a richer portrait of the Thorne family and their journey through adversity. 💖

World-Building: Transport us even further into the world of the story by fleshing out the setting with sensory details and vivid imagery! 🌍🎨 Let us feel the Texas heat on our skin, smell the smoke in the air, and hear the distant rumble of explosions. By immersing readers in the sights, sounds, and smells of the Thorne family's world, you'll create a more immersive reading experience that lingers long after the final page. 📖

Pacing and Tension: Keep an eye on the pacing to ensure that the story maintains a compelling momentum from start to finish. Consider tightening the narrative threads and ramping up the tension in key moments to keep readers on the edge of their seats! Use cliffhangers, twists, and revelations strategically to drive the plot forward and keep us readers eagerly turning pages!⚡

Emotional Resonance: Infuse every scene with emotional depth and resonance to truly captivate readers' hearts. Show us the highs and lows of the Thorne family's journey—their moments of joy, sorrow, fear, and triumph. Make us laugh, make us cry, make us feel every beat of their collective heartbeat. By tapping into the universal emotions that unite us all, you'll forge a powerful connection with your readers that lasts long after they've finished reading. :D

Remember, each of these suggestions is like a cupid's arrow aimed at making your story soar to new romantic heights! With a little extra love and attention to detail, you'll create a reading experience that's truly unforgettable. 💘

Golden Harp Strumming - Heavenly Highlights:

Oh, let's pause for a moment and bask in the sheer brilliance of this your craft. 🌟 Your words dance across the page like poetry, weaving a tapestry of emotions that tugs at the heartstrings and leaves us utterly mesmerized. 📝 Every scene is painted with such vivid detail, drawing us into the Thorne family's world with an intimacy that's nothing short of magical.

But it's not just the exquisite prose that shines here—oh no, it's the heart and soul poured into every sentence that truly sets this story aglow. 💖 I can feel your passion radiating off the page, infusing each character with depth and nuance that makes them leap off the page and into your heart. It's a testament to their dedication and talent as a storyteller, and it's an absolute joy to witness!

And let's talk about those moments of raw emotion that hit you right in the feels. 😭 From the tender exchanges between family members to the gut-wrenching struggles they face, each moment is imbued with such authenticity and poignancy that it's impossible not to be moved. It's a masterclass in emotional storytelling, and it's clear that you poured your heart and soul into every word!

Cherished Verses - Cupid's Favorite Lines:

"Some battles are fought on the inside. And sometimes... sometimes we don’t win them."


This poignant truth echoed through the pages, resonating with the struggles we all face within ourselves. It's a reminder that even in our darkest moments, there's courage in acknowledging our internal battles and finding strength in the fight, regardless of the outcome! ⚡️

"In those moments, my dear child, remember this... Remember that even in the darkest of nights, there is still a flicker of light."


Oh, how these words wrapped around the soul like a comforting embrace! They whispered of hope amidst despair, urging us to seek out that glimmer of light in the midst of darkness. It's a beacon of resilience, a reminder that even when the world seems bleak, there's always a ray of hope to guide us home.

"Evil exists, son, but so does love, never underestimate the power of a single act of goodness to counteract the evil that surrounds us."


These words struck like lightning, electrifying the senses with their profound truth. In a world torn apart by strife and darkness, they served as a reminder of the transformative power of love and kindness. They challenged us to stand tall against the tide of darkness, armed with nothing but the unwavering light of our own humanity. :D

Final Whispers - Closing Thoughts:

As we reach the end of this heartfelt journey, I can't help but feel a sense of gratitude for the Thorne family's resilience and love. Their story isn't just a tale—it's a reminder to cherish the bonds that tie us together and to find solace in the light that shines within, even in the darkest of times. So let's raise a virtual toast to Addison and her loved ones, (And also our dear Author!) and may their story inspire us to hold onto hope and love, no matter what challenges life throws our way.

Sending you all my love and warmest wishes, Cupid 💘




1TryingBird says...


Thank you, Beau, for the amazing review!

I didn't really spend that much time in the world-building, as this is the prologue, but I will now that I see how important it is lol.

And as for the quotes and monologues, yes, it took me 6 straight hours just to make all of their lines. :smt095



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Sat Feb 10, 2024 1:40 pm
GoldenHands says...



This is ok




1TryingBird says...


Thanks?




Worry does not empty tomorrow of its sorrow, it empties today of its strength.
— Corrie Ten Boom