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what a time..._day 2

by 0chomp_chomp0

Day two —— 12/20/18

So here bored at the moment. Finals are, of course, never fun. We finally reach the last day, the exact moment I heard the bell ring - a sigh of relief escaped my lungs. All the unfamiliar voices, judgemental stares, and stressful work ideas, suddenly quieting down and being left behind. Which brings me to my next complaint on human nature, their lack of empathy and vulnerability to anxiety.

I can’t be one to speak justly, for I too have my struggles with the shadows of anxiety and lack of empathy. Yet I have to express my ideas with this for it does justify some of my emotions. Maybe it's just the fact that I'm a defensive crazy girl simple things will make my brain churn and cringe or sometimes I might even cry which is most often the case however others and I myself don't understand why or how to fix it. This makes it hard for both parties we don't always know what it's like to be in the boots of another person and yet when we are put in that situation we need help or guidance. It is so easy to fall into that hole a type of fear that manifests itself in your mind leeching and corrupting you its terrifying that it is so easy to get there.

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271 Reviews

Points: 16577
Reviews: 271

Fri Aug 23, 2019 10:16 pm
rosette wrote a review...

Hey there :]

So this almost felt like a philosophical read. The writer of this entry is obviously not a shallow individual but a perceptive one. I did go back and read the first entry, as you suggested, and I noticed both of these posts have a dry, almost apathetic feel to them. In most journal entry stories I have read, the character writing in his or her journal is usually very emotional, thus they turn to writing to pour out their feelings. But this is different in that I'm not getting that same feel from this character. She's just... writing. It's interesting.

I do wonder, however, if a story will arise from these entries or she will simply continue to ponder about life. I like that she's deep and meaningful but it wouldn't have such a dry feel if other characters entered the scene and a plot began to take shape.
Have a wonderful day <3

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108 Reviews

Points: 13147
Reviews: 108

Wed Aug 21, 2019 6:57 am
Asith wrote a review...

I like the honesty! Since it's not really a narrative, and is very short, my critique is limited, but I would like to commend your ability to put your feelings onto paper like this'll
Since this is more or less a diary entry, I suppose intricate writing structure isn't really a main detriment. However, for good reader experience, it's still ideal to have soundly worded sentences. Try proofreading your sentences to see if they really flow properly. There are many places where sentences could be broken into two, merged together, repunctuated, i.e. just reworded altogether. Also, definitely look into punctuation!
That's all I have, I hope you continue to enjoy writing :)

Remember: the plot is nothing more than footprints left in the snow after your characters have run by on their way to incredible destinations.
— Ray Bradbury