River flows in you

Thank you moon jumper!

Oh my, Music, so many mistakes! Many thanks for such a detailed review and I'll make sure to remember to drop by your Will Review for Food thread the next time!

Kat! *hugs* You should have dropped by my Will Review For Food thread and told me about this! Haha; no matter.
Onward with the review!

Grammar:

It runs its course then ending at the sea. Has my river stopped running? The first sentence didn't come out right. Perhaps try, "It runs its course and then ends at the sea." or something similar to that. I loved the second one.

Tense change alert! You went from...

Present:A worried expression is shown on my face, but is quickly replaced by a surprised one.

To past:“Is that… my face?” I wondered, shocked, looking at the mirror.

I closed We're going to make it past tense. my eyes again, trying to keep comfortable, but not even my bed [s]can[/s]could bring me such delighted feeling. My mind divagated between lost memories of past times and the terrible feelings that overpowered me. Lost, pain, hurt. [s]Can[/s]Could I even name them all?

Blurry memories, they were. A Yoda sentence, this is.

To make my pain wors[s]t[/s]e, my mind had decided to erase anything that [s]can[/s]could hurt me... was erasing him bit[s]s[/s] by bit[s]s[/s].

I had not only lost love, but a best friend, too. My heart was ripped and pulled out, played with. How [s]can[/s]could someone support something like this?

I heard the shy raindrops falling on my window. Gorgeous line. One memory I would never allow to be erased[s]. T[/s] was the time he first kissed me. We were in my garden, playing around and dancing. I remember it very clearly, this one.

“I love you,” I smiled and said “I love you, too”. She said I love you to herself? That doesn't seem right... Perhaps you meant:
"I love you," he told me.
I smiled and said, "I love you, too."
Sounds better.

And we danced. We danced until the rain stopped and the sun shone again. A smile never left his lips, even when we woke up the next morning [s]we woke up[/s] with a cold.

Only [s]him[/s]he could make me smile [s]k[/s]now. I jumped off the bed, which had been my nest for the past three months.

I ran into the front lawn, my [s]foot[/s]feet... Or does she only have one leg? feeling the grass and earth that were mixed up.... some recognizable, some not. I ran on the lawn, enjoying the freedom. I suddenly stopped, seeing two figures semi-transparent in front of me. [s]Is[/s]Was that me, four years ago?

“River flows in you,” I heard him say. I don't think that sounds quite right. You just said, "I saw you." Now, you're saying "him". Are there two people? I smiled and [s]hold[/s]held on to his image for as long as I could.

Hey, I'm MJ.

Can someone stop a river from running? Maybe witha dam or a deck.

Life is like a river. It runs its course withit ending at the sea. Has my river stopped running?

Could it be that my life… stopped? A worried expression appearson my face, but is quickly replaced by a surprised one.

“Is that… my face?” I wondered, shocked, looking at the mirror. I’ve changed so much. I’m like a walking ghost. My body is small and skinny. My eyes are tired and have big dark lines under them. I knew I didn’t sleep much, but did I not sleep at all?

Sure, the nights do seem endless; but aren’t they supposed to seem like that, since you’re hurting?
I close my eyes again, trying to keep comfortable, but not even my bed can bring me such delighted feeling. My mind divagated between lost memories of past times and the terrible feelings that overpowered me. Lost, pain, and hurt. Can I even name them all?

His memories comforted me; bringing the slightest shine of hope to me. Blurry memories, they were. To make my pain worse, my mind had decided to erase anything that can hurt me. My heart wanted to remember him, while my mind, unconsciously, was erasing him bit by bit. It hurt too much. I wanted to remember him so eagerly! To remember his touch, his scent, his bright emerald eyes and his hazelnut hair. How it felt when he kissed me, or how my heart raced when we talked.

Only after a few weeks I realized why it hurt so much to have lost him. I not only lost love, but a best friend too. My heart was ripped and pulled out, played with. How can someone support something like this?

My eyes opened with tears. I heard the shy raindrops falling on my window. One memory I would never allow to be erased. The time he first kissed me. We were in my garden, playing around and dancing. I remember very clearly, this one. I was about 15 years old. I had known him since I was six and loved him as a friend. He kissed me and I smiled.

“I love you,” I smiled and said “I love you too.” It was a perfect moment that no one could ruin. It was pure, innocent. The sky started to cry.

“Let’s go inside,” I said, already wet.

He grabbed my arm and embraced me in his arms. And we danced. We danced until the rain stopped and the sun shone again. A smile never left his lips, even when the next morning we both woke up with a cold.

I smiled, reliving every moment. Only him could make me smile now. I jumped off the bed, which had been a nest for the past three months. I walked downstairs. My parents weren’t home. Even if they were, they wouldn’t notice. Only Stephan cared. I opened the door and stood on the front porch. Would I dare?

I ran into the front lawn, my foot feeling the grass and earth that were mixed up. I was instantly wet. I smiled at the sky. The clouds were shaped into a million forms, some recognizable and some not. I ran on the lawn, enjoying the freedom. I suddenly stopped, seeing two figures semi-transparent in front of me. Is that me, four years ago?

The scene played again, lively, in front of my bare eyes. I was seeing as if it was happening. Tears burned my eyes again, and my tears mixed with the ones from the sky. I seemed to be crying as hard as the skies. I fell to my knees.

“My river, my life, stopped moving!” I screamed.

I covered my eyes with my hands until I felt something lightly touch my arm. I looked up and saw you. My imagination playing tricks, but it felt so real.

“River flows in you” I heard him say. I smiled and hold on to his image for as long as I could. The rain wasn’t stopping this time, and after a while all I could see was black. There was no more tomorrow. Finally, I could live in the past.