Out of Reach [1]

Hmmm, I like your story, and the main character, but it's kind of "Safe" for me. Is it going to get more exciting?
You do have a few grammatical errors here and there, but nothing I could point out that someone else already hasn't.
Happy writing!
=]

*writewatiwant* wrote:around my shoulders with knots and I shuddered in dear ((fear?)). I hated brushing my hair in the morning.

*writewatiwant* wrote:I walked to the bathroom and leaned down by the sink. The marble counter felt fresh and cool, making a quick shiver run through me.

*writewatiwant* wrote:I mumbled[s],[/s] sleepily,“To ((to)) you too,” but she didn’t hear me.

*writewatiwant* wrote:I ran to my closet and opened the wooden doors with too much strength, making a bang.

*writewatiwant* wrote:My eyes widened and I searched for some sign of a split on the door. Nope, it wasn't damaged.

*writewatiwant* wrote:“Phew.”

*writewatiwant* wrote:My eyes scanned the closet and stopped at my dark pair of jeans. Great! They were in my closet. I took them out, and passed to the dresser. I opened the top draw, the one with the t-shirts and tank tops.
“What shall I wear today?” My hands started searching through the piles of tops for something that I was in the mood to wear.

*writewatiwant* wrote:I went back to my chest of drawers and pulled out a plain brown tank top. I quickly got dressed and struggled to make my bed. After I had pulled the sheets and arranged them as best as I could, I went back to my dresser. I had a mirror above the set of drawers and I checked if everything was under control. I put on some perfume, Black XS, my favorite, and deodorant. I seemed to sweat a lot. My aunt would say I got it from her. Not a pretty thing to inherit. I went to the bathroom and looked at the mirror again. I picked up my brush and passed it trough my brown hair. I was very careful to not hurt myself and to not destroy my curls. I loved my perfect big curls. It took me five minutes, and my hair got really bulky, so I tied it up in a ponytail.

*writewatiwant* wrote:I picked up my mail bag; school books are really heavy. I think the government ordered us to buy so many books so that we’ll all have back troubles. Then, we’ll have to go to the hospital and get some expensive surgery that will take away all our money. That way, the money will go back to them. No one believes me, obviously.

*writewatiwant* wrote:One of us could ((would?)) have sit in the passenger’s seat but this way we could talk.

*writewatiwant* wrote:I never had a class with her, but the ones ((people)) that had said she was pretty scary.

*writewatiwant* wrote:“Come,” I offered, stretching out my hand.

Hi! I'm looking forward to how you carry on with this, I like how you have introduced the main characters so far I noticed some little mistakes that might be easier to point out in one long quote so thought I'd do that here- I've crossed out and put in bold possible corrections you could make and also extra comments in bold and brackets, they're all just my opinion though so ignore them if you like

Invisible – Chapter 1
by Kat

I just want to show you she doesn’t love you.
I was once again listening to Taylor Swift. How could I resist[s]s[/s], when I could so easily relate to her songs?
There’s a fire inside you. She’ll never see that light.
I looked at the watch, on my bedside table: 11:45 p.m. I should get some sleep. I closed my eyes and thought. (I'd maybe leave out 'and thought' as you are showing her thoughts so it isn't really needed ) I wouldn’t cry. Not for this. I can bear it.

--------------------------------------------------------------

The blue clock spurt out its awfully irritating sound, telling me it was seven a.m, and time to get up. I sighed and pushed away the covers with my kicks, sitting up. The green sheets could not [s]feel[/s] have felt better. I moaned and [s]laid[/s] lay back down.
Something hard hit the door. “Get up, Casey!” My mother screamed. I sighed again, and got out of bed. I could feel my hair all tangled around my shoulders and I shuddered in anticipation (I don't think this is the right word as she is not looking forward to brushing her hair, maybe something like dread would fit better?). I hated brushing my hair in the morning.
I walked to the bathroom and leaned down by the sink. The marble counter felt fresh and cool, making a quick shudder (You've just used shudder so maybe a different word like tremble would work better of changing the reaction to something else, for instance she could grimace or something like that) run through me. The shudder was replaced by a pleasant feeling of following a familiar routine. I opened the faucet and the cold water started running. I washed my face and looked up to the mirror. Just as I suspected! My hair looked like a rat nest.
“Ugh,” I complained.
My mother passed by the door. “Morning, sunshine!” She smiled and went down the stairs. (I'd start a new line here as you are changing the speaker) I mumbled, “To you too,” sleepily. She didn’t hear me.
I walked back to my room, and looked at the clock again. It was already half past seven! I ran to my closet and opened the wooden doors with a crack.
My eyes widened and I searched for some sign of a crack (So you are not using the same word, I'd maybe replace 'crack' here. Perhaps split?) on the door. Nope, not a single crack.
“Phew.” My father would have ground me for breaking the closet door for the third time. I had issues with this closet. Normally, I was always in a hurry and I would treat things not so carefully.
My eyes scanned the closet and stopped at my dark pair of jeans. Great! They were in my closet. I took them out, and passed to the dresser. I opened the top draw, the one with the t-shirts and tank tops.
“What shall I wear today?” My hands started searching through the piles of tops for something that I was in the mood to wear. My mobile phone vibrated and I left the tops, [s]and walked[/s] walking over to my bedside table. It was text message from Kaitlyn.
Today is… brown.
I replied, Ok.
She usually had [s]a[/s] perfect timing. Some mornings, she would text me saying which color I should wear, so that I wouldn’t have such a hard choice in the morning.
I went back to my chest of drawers and pulled out a plain brown tank top. I quickly got dressed and struggled to make [s]the[/s] my bed. After I had pulled the sheets and arranged them as best as I could, I went back to my dresser. I had a mirror above the set of drawers and I checked if everything was controlled. (This sounded a bit odd to me, I understand what you mean but I think you could maybe phrase it a bit better. Perhaps saying something about everything being in it's place or checking that her hair was ok would work well instead) I put on some perfume, Black XS, my favorite, and deodorant. I seemed to sweat a lot. My aunt would say I got it from her. Not a pretty thing to inherit. I went to the bathroom and looked [s]at[/s] in the mirror again. I picked up my brush and passed it through my brown hair. I was very careful to not hurt [s]me[/s] myself and to not destroy my curls. I loved my perfect big curls. It took me five minutes, and [s]it[/s] my hair (It wasn't clear here what 'it' referred to) got really bulky, so I tied it up [s]on[/s] in a ponytail.
I put on my watch, and my lucky necklace. I wore it every time I went out. I didn’t actually believe it gave me luck, but I loved it so I called it my lucky charm. It was a simple black thread with an oval onyx pendant. Small, but beautiful.
I picked up my mail bag; school books are really heavy. I think the government order[s]ed[/s]s us to buy so many books so that we’ll all have back troubles. Then, we’ll have to go to the hospital and get some expensive surgery that will take away all our money. (I found this funny but I think it might be better to add another sentence saying how this will give money back to the government so that there is a reason for them doing this ) No one believe[s]d[/s]s me, obviously.
I went downstairs and dropped the bag by the door, [s]on[/s] in the hall. I proceeded to the kitchen, and ate my normal [s]boll[/s] bowel of milk and cereal[s]s[/s]. I watched “How I met your Mother” on FoxLife, as I did every morning, and delayed my breakfast until it was over. Barney’s hilarious.
I got up, happy, and washed my dishes, putting them in the washing machine. (Do you mean dishwasher here?) I stared up [s]to[/s] at the clock on the wall. Eight o’clock. I went to the door and sat on the front porch. My phone was in my pocket; I was waiting for Kaitlyn’s call. She would call me when she was close to my house. The phone vibrated once more, and I saw it was her. I turned down the call. She wouldn’t have to pay for it that way.
A few minutes later, Mrs. Reed’s car stopped in front of my gate. I got up; my back was cool from the pavement, grabbed my bag and closed the door with a loud bang. My parents had already left.
Mrs. Reed unlocked the doors, and I opened them, saying immediately, “Good morning!” I crawled to the back and sat next to Kaitlyn. One of us could have sit [s]on[/s] in the passenger’s seat but this way we could talk.
It would take fifteen minutes to get to the school, through traffic and all. Mrs. Reed was an English teacher at our school. I never had a class with her, but the ones that had said she was pretty scary. I stared at the back of her head, until Kaitlyn called me. (Isn't she in the car with her? I don't think 'called' is the best word to use as it makes it sound like she is either ringing her phone or quite far away from her. Maybe saying instead something about her bringing her attention back to her or nudging her would be better?)
“So, how was your weekend?” She asked.
“Okay. Nothing really exciting.” I replied. I could see she had something really good to tell me, and was controlling herself to not [s]burst[/s] blurt it out. “And you? What have you been up to?”
Kaitlyn flashed me a big smile. “You know how Sean asked me out this weekend, right?” Oh God! How could I forget? I nodded, hiding that I really [s]did[/s] had forgotten. “Well, things worked out great and he even kissed me, when he was dropping me off.” She was whispering now, her mother would not be pleased to hear this.
“You’ll tell me more at school,” I replied. I said exactly what she wanted to hear. She smiled widely at me, and something vibrated [s]on[/s] in my jean’s pocket. (Because they are connected by 'and' it sounded to me like Kaitlyn smiling and the phone vibrating were connected. I'd maybe change 'and' to 'as' or something like that so that they stay as two separate events.)
“What the [s]H[/s]he-” I stopped myself when I got the phone out. It was incredible how I could get surprised by a text message. It was Max.
Where are you?
I’m running a bit late, I replied.
A few seconds later, he texted me back. Okay. I’m waiting for you, at the gate.
I smiled. “Max…” Kaitlyn murmured.
“Oh, come on! Give me a break!” I threw my head back. Not this again.
“When are you going to admit it?”
“I have nothing to admit.”
Silence fell upon us, and minutes passed slowly. She knew me too well for my own good. My best friend of twelve years could read me like a book.
I revived our early moments (At first I didn't know what you meant by 'early moments', I'd maybe rephrase it a little so it is clearer what you mean. For instance saying about the first time they met ) in the few minutes I had left of the car trip. I was in the park, my mother sitting [s]by[/s] on a bench. A tall blonde lady stopped by her.
“Melody!” She called, happily.
“Oh my! Is that really you, Sandy?” My mother replied as happy to see her, too. They continued babbling: how have you been? Are you married? Oh, a daughter!
Only a few moments later I had noticed the little girl that was holding the lady’s hand. She appeared to be my age. A four year-old girl. I walked up to her.
“Come,” I offered, stretching out my hand.
She smiled and took it (I'd separate this a bit more to maybe say how they walked off together to the swings as otherwise it is a bit of a jump.) and we rode (I'm not sure if 'rode' is the best word to use here, maybe swung?) on the swings. An hour had passed until my mother called us. After that, the girl would stop by every day, and eventually we [s]were[/s] came to be in all the same classes.
I giggled at some of our stupid childish jokes. One of Kaitlyn’s favorites was one we came up with when riding home from school, [s]on[/s] in this very same car. It was in fifth grade, if I remember correctly. It was about how if we were hit with a soccer ball, that was kicked very strongly, our eyes and our brain would turn into porridge and would come out through our face.
Kaitlyn eyed me, and I whispered, “Soccer ball.”
She instantly fell into laugh[s]s[/s]ter as well (You haven't said that she is laughing so 'as well' doesn't make sense, you could say something about Casey joining in too instead.). Her mother pulled into the teacher’s parking lot, and parked the car at the back of the school. We got out quickly, saying goodbye.
“Have a nice day!” She shouted, when we were already a few steps away.
“I have to stop by the gate,” I told Kaitlyn.
“Yeah, I’ll be heading to our locker.” We shared our lockers, here [s]on[/s] at Meadow High School. I believed it was because the school didn’t have enough money to buy lockers [s]to[/s] for everyone, so we paired up. I was obviously sharing [s]it[/s] mine with Kaitlyn.
“I’ll meet you there! And don’t close it!” I shouted, already heading to the students door. I walked up the path quickly and saw Max near the gate. He waved at me, and I smiled.

Sun:

I was a bit bothered by your writing but i was caught up in it that it didn't matter.

I opened [turned on the faucet Smile] the faucet

Hey Kat!
I can't point out all the mistakes due to lack of time, but I've done some.

*writewatiwant* wrote:I just want to show you she doesn’t love you.
I was once again listening to Taylor Swift. How could I resists [resist], when I could so easily relate to her songs?
There’s a fire inside you. She’ll never see that light.
I looked at the watch, [no comma needed] on my bedside table: 11:45 p.m. I should get some sleep. I closed my eyes and thought. [colon, not period] I wouldn’t cry. Not for this. I can bear it.

--------------------------------------------------------------

The blue clock spurt [Wrong verb Try something like: belted] out its awfully irritating sound, telling me it was seven a.m, and time to get up. I sighed and pushed away the covers with my kicks, sitting up [Perhaps: I sighed and sat up, kicking the covers aside]. The green sheets could not feel [any] better. I moaned ['groaned' would probably be better Just a suggestion.] and laid back down.
Something hard hit the door. “Get up, Casey!” My mother screamed. I sighed again, and got out of bed. I could feel my hair all tangled around my shoulders and I shuddered in anticipation [anticipation is more positive than negative. Maybe try: I could feel my hair draped around my shoulders in tangles and knots, and I shuddered in dread]. I hated brushing my hair in the morning.
I walked to the bathroom and leaned down by the sink. The marble counter felt fresh and cool, making a quick shudder [Substitute with something else like "shiver", since you've used "shudder" a while back]run through me. The shudder [shiver?] was replaced by a pleasant feeling of a familiar routine. I opened [turned on the faucet ] the faucet and the cold water started running. *I washed my face and looked up to the mirror. Just as I suspected! My hair looked like a rat [rat's] nest.
“Ugh,” I complained.
My mother passed by the door. “Morning, sunshine!” She smiled and went down the stairs [went downstairs]. I mumbled, “To you too,” sleepily. She didn’t hear me. [I mumbled sleepily, "To you too,", but she didn't hear me.]
*I walked back to my room, and looked [I'd suggest: glanced] at the clock again. It was already half past seven! I ran to my closet and opened* the wooden doors with a crack [If there's a 'crack', then you should try to give a more specific verb to emphasis why that sound was produced. Like: flung the wooden doors wide open].
My eyes widened and I searched for some sign of a crack on the door. Nope, not a single crack.
“Phew.” My father would ground me for breaking the closet door for the third time. I had issues with this closet. Normally, I was always in a hurry and I would treat things not so carefully [A suggestion: I was usually in a hurry and had a tendency to treat things carelessly].
My eyes scanned the closet and stopped at my dark pair of jeans. Great! They were in my closet [This is repetitive and obvious, so I don't think you need to mention it ]. I took them out, and passed to the dresser. I opened the top draw, the one with the t-shirts and tank tops.
“What shall I wear today?” My hands started searching trough [through] the piles of tops for something that I was in the mood to wear. My mobile phone vibrated and I let [left?] the tops, and walked to my bedside table. It was text message from Kaitlyn.
Today is… brown.
I replied, Ok [The full spelling of 'ok' is 'okay', and normally we use dialogue. If not, it'd be best to replace it with something like: I replied in the affirmative, or something like that, but I'd suggest dialogue].

hey there writewatiwant

Good story. I was a bit bothered by your writing but i was caught up in it that it didn't matter.
Anyway, i didn't see many mistakes except for a few typos but they're understandable.

“Oh my! Is that really you, Sandy?” My mother was happy to see her, too.