The waves mighty roar
Crash upon the ocean shore,
Easy breezes blow by softly,
Water caresses against the skin
Moonlight shines below so gently
Footsteps make an impression,
Along the guiding sands.
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139,464 Literary Works • 672,570 Reviews
HEY I MUST SAY ITS VERY SHORT .BUT ITS GOOD THOUGH I WISH IT WAS LONGER THOUGH
You have great imagery in the poem. Your words are very descriptive. But what happened to your rhyming? The first two lines have it, and the rest doesn't. It's kind of weird. It also doesn't flow very well. There's no beat. It's just a bunch of well written lines slapped together: it doesn't connect.
I agree with Forever Threnody that guiding sands doesn't really make sense.
So, I like your words, but not your format and flow. I'm sure you could fix those things, though, if you felt like it.
Very beautiful and sensual. It seemed like you could see everything happening. So descriptive but in such few words. Lovely. Just a few things I corrected/edited;
I agree with the "crash." It was the sound you were talking about. I just added "Sound" and "Against" as fillers to give some idea on what I think should be there. And just a few punctuation mistakes. Also, "guiding sand" is a statement that doesn't really make sense. Maybe you could change the adjective to make it more clear. Otherwise this poem flowed wonderfully. Amazing work!
Peace, Love, and Sugar Packets~
Forever Threnody
Hey there! I'm Kat and I'm gonna review this for you.
). Maybe develop that a little more? Because when you read that part the reader will wonder "who's skin?", y'know? And maybe ended that line with a .
First, really short. It's a good topic, you could develop it more.
Good word choice. I suggest on the second line exchange crash for crashing. It's just an opinion, I think it sounds better.
On the forth line, you mention skin. If you mention skin, there has to be someone (a human or an animal, or if you wanna go extreme some other creature
The last three lines sound a little weird. I don't actually know why, but when read out loud they just don't seem to fit. Maybe adding an extra line above the last. Don't know
Anyway, that's all I have to say. Crappy review isn't it? Well, there's not much to review on
hope I helped!
*Kat*