Hello there Karzkin! Dogs here with your review today. On a side note, you're my 350th review! yaayyyy! So I shall be sure to make this a good one . Ok on to ze review. Okey dokey, I think this is such a new and never touched upon topic that it's so exciting to read. Furthermore your rhythm is excellent, your imagery superb, and your word choice most the time extraordinary. Certainly the best piece of this is your imagery, which you use to create such a powerful picture that it's incredibly clear for the reader to follow. Also, you even are able to get all this wonderful writing jammed into a short and sweet poem that doesn't, for an instance, lose the readers attention.
Magpie definitely stole my thunder and napped all the points I was going to talk about, but I think I'll be able to throw on my nit pick hat and find something to poke at.
"Winter settles down, palms stretched tight across the sky;"
I think this would sound better grammatically and flow wise if you say: "Winter settles down, palms stretched tightly across the sky" I know minor minor nit pick, but hey this piece is so good I gotta really go searching.
"wrap themselves around the wrist of morning"
Great line, such a great line. Definitely one of my favorites in this piece. Excellent writing there my friend. The next line is my favorite though, but this one ranks up there.
"grass untouched by sunlight"
I think there is a more exciting word you could use instead of "untouched" here. Just to spice things up. "grass concealed from sunlight" or veiled, or shroud, or masked, or something along those lines. It is a line that could go in either direction so do what you will.
Great ending, way to bring this to a strong closing statement that leaves the reader with a "dang... that's pretty darn good." All and all I think this is a great piece, I loved reading it and the imagery was just excellent. It reads so incredibly smoothly that it would be hard not to love it! Let me know if you ever need a review, keep up the good work!
TuckEr EllsworTh
Points: 52441
Reviews: 662
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