Young Writers Society

I'd say that the first two are actually haikus! From what I understand, the thing that can make a haiku effective is having some kind of twist or unexpected direction in the last line that separates it from the first two and gives the first part a different shade, which you definitely do with the first poem and the last. The middle is just a run-on of descriptions, really. A list of what you've heard. I love the phrase "crisp tongue of frost", but you might wanna save it for another, more meaningful poem.

Let's look at the poems with movement. The first, for me, moves because the first two lines are vivid and full of heat, but the rain dampens not only the vermilion but also that heat (though you only mentioning it dampening color). It's gorgeous, the idea of this moment in wind, the rain hanging over the scene, not quite fallen in my mind, but it's present in the future.

The only thing I'd ask you to contemplate about the first haiku would be this:

heated air

Oh ho, I believe they are haikus! 5,7,5

I believe you are talking about the seasons, and seeing your comment down there, you are.

I feel the first haiku, you are talking about the lull between Summer and Autumn, the next would be Winter, and finally the depth of Autumn.

To analyse them individually, I would say all three are very well done. All describe vivid imagery, merged with the senses. Especially when you speak of Winter:

The crisp tongue of frost

The shuffle of crackling paws

Rich sounds of laughter

vermilion leaves

a whirlwind of heated air;

rain dampens colour

Flicker of wind's breath

Stirs yellow canvas of leaves,

Restores not their blush.

Hallo waiting, am here to review for you today, and bravo to your frozen fingers.

First I must say that yes, these certainly are Haikus. Even if you don't want to count them as Haikus, they are Senryus (extremely similar to Haikus). One of my one main suggestions for all three poems is to add punctuation to the end of the second line of each poem, as that is how Haikus and Senryus are formed.

The general layout of Haikus and Senryus is as follows:
Opening topic, usually about seasons (in Haikus). 5 syllables.
Description / expansion on that topic. Punctuation mark. 7 syllables.
Conclusion of sorts about the topic. Ideally to make the readers think about said topic. 5 syllables.

First Poem.
I like the autumn theme in this haiku, though I don't think "heated air" is a good description of Autumn. I do really like the "rain dampens colour" line as it makes you think about what it means in correlation to the rest of the haiku's content.

Second Poem.
This poem is my least favourite of the set. Everything seems rather unrelated. I like how the first line makes me think that together, the three poems represent the changes in the season. Though really, the lack of the relation between the lines just doesn't work.

Third Poem.
I like the images presented in this Haiku. With a bit of punctuation on the second line, as well as a full stop on the end of the last line, this would be counted as a really good haiku. The hint of life in the wind is good, especially how it is brought back to it not bringing back spring / summer.

Hope this helps, and as always, keep writing!
- noninjaspresent >(> ==)>*