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Dontae's Battle with the Past Chapter 4

by ArahAkachi1


Chapter 4

“So, you six are the ones?” a voice asked. It sounded like a teenage boy. Ignoring my screaming muscles, I forced my body to turn around. When I saw the boy, a memory came back to me.

I let out a scream as my head felt as if it was going to explode. I collapsed onto the ground, my body throwing up a cloud of dust.

“Dontae!” Veronica choked out.

“You are Dontae? Saves me the time of weeding the useless ones out,” the boy said looking directly at me. Grimacing with pain, I forced myself back into a kneeling position.

“Why are you here, and what do you want with me?” I asked, gritting my teeth. Ignoring my screaming muscles and brittle bones, I forced myself to stand up.

“Then I will just have to kill your useless friends first,” he said. Recalling from my new memory, I knew his name was Runi.

“I will not allow you to harm my friends,” I said. I held my katana horizontally in front of me. An aura of darkness covered me when I placed my hand on the hilt. As I unsheathed it, knowledge on how to wield it flooded my head.

“You are not strong enough to be me yet. Even working together,” Runi said. All he pain in my body slowly began to vanish as I stepped towards Runi.

“You never know unless you try,” I said. I lunged forward, reading my katana to slice at Runi, while simultaneously watching his movements. As I sliced at his throat, an invisible force slammed into me, throwing me into the air. I crashed into the branches of some trees, and accidently letting go of my katana.

A sharp pain in my side told me I was injured. My side felt warm. Tentatively, I placed my hand on my side, and could feel a deep gash, as if as sword had cut into me. I winced, and looked at my hand, which was already soaked with blood. I needed pressure on the wound, I recalled from my time in Health class.

I formed a towel of darkness and wrapped it around my body tight, especially around the wound. I made a rope of darkness as well to tie the towel tighter. Pressure would keep me from bleeding to death. I closed my eyes and focused on my darkness healing me. It felt as if my side was being sewed shut, and it felt good.

There was a scream that echoed throughout the forest, causing birds to scatter. The scream sounded like Maddison. I had to help. I used the shadows the trees casted to cut the branches, untangling myself from them. I slowly climbed forward, keeping my balance on the thin branches. With every step, there was a creak which scared me.

I grabbed my katana, and swung it. The shadows changed, forming a slide of darkness. I leapt on it, sliding down on my feet, keeping amazing balance. Another scream tore through the air, and my tenseness increased more. I had to hurry.

The first thing I saw was a bloodbath. My friends were on the ground, barely breathing and covered in blood. A shadowy figure pulled a dagger out of Veronica’s body, and looked in my direction. For a second, I thought I saw my face, and dismissed it as a hallucination. Another scream tore through the air bringing me back to my body on the slide.

I came to the end of the slide just as Veronica slammed into a tree. She stood up and held her bleeding arm. I leapt off the slide landing in front of Runi. Slicing upward, Runi leaned back easily dodging, and I smiled. I sliced to the side, and Runi caught the blade.

“Needle,” I said. Runi gave a confused look before looking down at his shadow. A needle of darkness shot up from the ground, piercing him. Runi shimmered at the moment of impact, and appeared just out of range. I summoned another needle, and missed again. I lunged forward, jabbing at him with my blade.

Runi caught the blade with two fingers, as if it were a piece of wood. I kicked out, my foot connecting with his shin. He let go of my katana and stepped back. I crouched and an arrow shot past, piercing his arm. Runi chuckled and pulled the arrow out, revealing his wound already healed.

“This is impossible,” Maddison choked out.

“It is over. You had your chance to try, but it was for nothing,” Runi said, crushing Maddison’s arrow. I made another attempt to attack, but an invisible force slammed into us, knocking us down. I went flying again, and this time cracking my head against the branch of a tree.

I cannot move, I thought when I tried to move. The stronger pressure Runi was giving off made it impossible to breathe, let alone move. Blood clouded my vision, from when I hit the branch, making my vision redder. I blinked, hoping it would clear my vision, but it made it worse.

Runi stepped forward, standing over me. Runi reached toward me, meaning to grab me and leave. The necklace I have always been wearing since birth began to glow. It floated up, and was glowing as bright as light. A bolt of lightning shot from it, striking Runi in the chest. The force of the lightning slammed Runi into a tree. When Runi hit the tree, it seemed as if he was becoming one with the tree, because he vanished.

I inhaled deeply, unable to believe what had happened. Why was I just targeted? How do I know Runi? What is this weird feeling? All I could do was breathe, blink, and think.

Shaking my head, the pressure slowly began to diminish. I looked myself over, mainly my side, and saw my body was just as it should be. Except for the towel, which was tore up, and my side healed. Testing my limbs, I found now type of broke bones. The only wounds I found were my bleeding skull, a numb hand, and a small burn on my chest where my necklace had landed after the lightning.

“Did we just…nearly die?” James asked in a shaking voice, breaking the odd silence.

“Impossible! We cannot possible die. We are those destined to save the world,” Kevin said. There was a hint of anger in his voice. It was like he did not want to be here. He was not alone. None of us wanted to be here, but it was our job. We had to protect the innocent. It was like a dream, but we knew it was not.

I stood up on shaky legs, and walked to where my katana laid on the ground. I knelt down and picked it up and slid it back into its sheath. I hooked it back to my side, and looked towards the sky.

Runi, who are you exactly. I feel as if I should know you. When I saw you, a memory came back of me playing with you, I thought.

A cold wind blew, making me shiver. I held my necklace tentatively, staring at it. Did my parents know this was going to happen? I shook my head, trying to clear my head. Clasping my necklace within my fist, I felt it bite into my palm, bringing blood. I swear to defend my friends, and defeat the evil on the verge of destroying this world, I silently swore.

I let go of my necklace, which had blood on the tips, and watched a few drops of blood fall before darkness healed my wound. The memory that had came back upon seeing Runi came back.

I must have been six years old, alone in a room playing with actions figures. The action figures resembled the Power Rangers. A door opened and a boy walked in. I instantly recognized him as Runi.

“Bubba!’ I giggled when I saw him. Wait…Bubba? As in Brother?

“How are you doing?” he asked. He came over and knelt in front of me. He handed me a pink power ranger, completing my collection. He gave me a hug and whispered something gibberish into my ear.

The memory stopped there and left me standing there utterly confused. Runi was my older brother, yet I had no memories of that time. Did someone steal my memories and implant new ones? I had to find and confront Runi.

I noticed the moon was high in the sky, meaning it was past midnight. My first through was the safety of my friends.

Closing my eyes, I spread my consciousness throughout my body, mainly connecting with the darkness inside my body. I continued focusing until I could feel all my cells. I then merged my consciousness with the darkness around me, becoming one with it. My physical body faded into the darkness.

I moved through the darkness, locating my friends. They were back near the lake, asleep. I moved to the location, and unmerged my consciousness with the darkness. My body reappeared, and my consciousness returned to it. I unhooked my sheath and yawned. Gently leaning my weapon against the tree, I made a pillow of darkness, and rested my head against it, lying on the ground. I needed rest.


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Sat Feb 09, 2013 2:53 pm
Caesar wrote a review...



Hey there Arak, I'll be reviewing your fourth chapter. Finally! Can't wait for more.

To be fair, you've sort of improved. Or rather, there are less things I can critique here compared to your other chapters, mainly grammatical nit-picks, and even then, few ones at that. However, this hasn't had reviews for quite a while. If you do want them, I recommend you review other's works! Makes the cycle go round and round. Message me if you need a few handy links on how to write good critiques (; or you could post in someone's WRFF thread, though I still recommend reviewing the work of others.

Now, my main issue with this chapter is, as with your others, your general lack of description and emotion. Everywhere, anywhere. Both help make the setting more vivid and realistic, catapults the reader into the action. You really ought to put that little amount of effort into it.

Well, onto those nit-picks, I suppose.

“Then I will just have to kill your useless friends first,” he said. Recalling from my new memory, I knew his name was Runi.


??? How does that make sense? Dontae asked 'who are you?' and Runi answers 'then I'll kill your friends?' How does that make logical sense? He's either thick, or didn't hear the question. Out of the two, I'm going with a grammatical mistake of yours. Perhaps try something along the lines of '"No... that is something you'll have to find out, if you dare. In the meanwhile, I will just kill your useless friends," he cackled, gleeful sadism audible in his voice.

See, another thing is you use 'said' far too many times. There are perfectly adequate substitutes.


Well, that wraps it up! Overall, you need to work on your grammar and description, and perhaps spare a thought to characterization and emotion.

Hope this helped
~Ita





An Angel who did not so much Fall as Saunter Vaguely Downwards.
— Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett, Good Omens