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139,487 Literary Works • 672,577 Reviews
Hi there, mithrim!
Okay, the idea is very clearly here, and I like it, but there are a few things bothering me. My first piece of advice to you would be to keep it flowing. You have a lovely rhythm going in the first two stanzas, then you throw it completely away and the poem degenerates into prosaic writing. It's too good to waste! Find a way to keep it going into the last two stanzas.
The same with your rhyme scheme. It's not just about writing and throwing in a couple of rhymes when you feel like it, you should keep it going if you have such a concrete rhyme scheme in the first two stanzas. It looks strange if you don't.
Otherwise, well done!
Your review as you request!
This poem does not need any fixing or has anything that needs pointing out. I must say you had me hooked on the first line. The concept is wonderful, describing things as opposite and topsy-turvy is very different and unique!
Your imagery is brilliant and your wording perfection. I feel like you are describing my world at the moment, but I am one to find topsy-turvy and upside down fun and interesting!
As long as you keep writing I shall keep reviewing!
NHNT