Hi Cailey! Nite again here for Christmas in July!
Now, I did look at your more recent stuff, but this doesn't have many reviews, which is a shame because it's my favorite of yours that I've read. It has some striking imagery that's pretty unique. I especially liked the last stanza.
Now some critiques:
Dashed against the jagged rocks
Thrown against the sea
Not crazy about the repetition of against, and I agree about "dashed" being an odd word. An alternate suggestion:
Shredded by jagged rocks
Tossed into the sea
The second and third stanzas say pretty much the same thing, plus some lines seem to over-state the message. I might consider condensing them to make it stronger. For example:
So sweet, so fragile
The feather disappears
I'd also cut the first two lines of the third stanza for being redundant.
A more general note: I think this piece needs punctuation. While it is the poet's choice, in most cases I think punctuating like prose makes the most sense. I also think it would help show the finality of the feather's destruction.
Overall, I really like this. It has some lovely imagery, but there is some over-stating of the message that could be condensed. Great job and keep writing!
Points: 35799
Reviews: 1274
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