When you came...

Hi! Sorry it took so long to get to these

I really like it! It was very beautiful, and very visual! I feel like I could draw a picture of the whole scene.

If you're looking for suggestions, the only things I would fix would be maybe a few phrasings. I kinda rewrote some parts here, mainly trying to make it flow as a story and not a line-by-line poem.

I subconsciously drift towards you…
In the end I stop in front of you and
Meet your warm and ardent gaze
You smile tenderly, your eyes shining
[Like warm honey] Or some kind of simile would fit there, haha.

Your presence [is] serene like the blue sky
[And it] Calms and comforts me.
I reach out to you [comma] afraid that
I would lose you…

You smile again, [no comma]
And tell me that everything is alright
You [Your fingertips] caress my cheeks, drying my tears [comma]
[And] One mere glance at your divine person
Fills me up with new power.

Golden words tumble down your lips
As you hold me gently to comfort me
Your warm honey eyes gaze sincerely at me. [you already kinda mentioned him gazing at you in the first stanza, so maybe you can remove this line to aviod repitition]
[As] You rub soothing circles at my back,
Calming me completely.

After some[space]time I let go of you
As it is the time to leave
None can be in a dream forever
For a dream is a dream, it has to end
One will have to wake up.

I take in your appearance once more
Before I wake up from this blissful dream
Hair that was woven in silk by midnight itself
Your smile more radiant than the sun
Your long robes pale like the moonlit clouds

You are a master piece… [masterpiece]
A dream…
A complete fantasy
A….beautiful angel.

The gentle wind blows
Your hair sways with the wind
You outstretch your hands and call me
Your robes flowing and rippling in the wind…

I bow to you gratefully bidding you farewell,
Mesmerized once again by you.
The mist covers you as it carries you away
Somewhere amongst the white lazy clouds
That roamed about in the blue sky…

Before you go, you look at me
Silently promising to return again…


Alright, so I only really edited the first bit, but I think you get it. The punctuation is a little iffy, sometimes you will use periods at the end of a phrase or line, and sometimes you won't. So maybe you could try working on consistency there.

My favorite part was definitely the first sections, where you are just describing this beautiful scene. It made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside It kind of hit an abrupt stop when you said she was letting go of him and then went on to explain it was just a dream or fantasy. But I think you wanted it that way.

Again, this is a very visual piece and it has given me inspiration to make some art off of it, haha. I'm glad I got to read one of your poems, Erza, and I hope I could help!

Black