Hello!
RandomTalks here with a short review!
Wow, I truly had not expected that ending! This was a very intriguing story. It led me down all sorts of wrong tracks and laughed at me when I realized how wrong I had been in my assumptions. In fact, that is one of the reasons why I liked this story so much. At any point of time, it was never what it actually seemed to be!
I liked the fast pace of the story. At parts, it did feel a little rushed, especially in the beginning where there is no dialogue, and no introduction of the readers to Charlotte. I think you could have highlighted their introduction with some dialogue and description. The background information on their friendship was helpful but it was not enough to give us an idea about these characters. Especially since George was so excited to meet her again, you could have given us at least one moment where they reunited and talked and rekindled their friendship. It would have made the ending hit harder.
Charlotte's transformation, or rather, George's realization of Charlotte's state was once again a little rushed. You could have expanded a little there to make the scene even more horrifying and confusing. The abruptness of the change made it feel as though she turned into a ghost in the middle of a sentence. And since, that is not the case, there was a big opportunity to include some horror or fantasy elements in that moment. Otherwise, the scene falls a little flat compared to what it could have been.
A few nitpicks:
George rushed into the midst of people at the Vancouver airport, his heart sinks as he thinks he might of missed meeting with Charlotte.
Several times throughout the story, you switch the tense of your narration. Here, it is more distinct because it is the first sentence of the story and also because you use two different tenses in the same sentence. The first part of your sentence is in the past tense, while the latter half is in the present tense. Here, you need to be more careful with your tense, otherwise it might end up disrupting the flow of your narration.
They had not the possibility to visit each other in over a year
It will be "they had not had the opportunity", you are missing a had' here.
George leans over the table and puts her hand lightly on her right shoulder, but to his horror his hand goes right through as if she were a hollogram.
There is again a switch to the present tense in this sentence. Also, it will be "puts his hand lightly on her right shoulder," and not "her".
Overall, this was a very interesting story. I have so many questions about it. I am curious to know if Charlotte had been dead all along, and if she had been how had George been communicating with her all this time. Your ending was rather ambiguous so I guess we will have to imagine the answers to our questions.
That's all!
Keep writing and have a great day!
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