Young Writers Society

Hello!

There's a lot of repetition here. 'Wall' is mentioned 8 times, if I've counted correctly. It makes the piece kinda clunky. Like, we get it, there's a wall. The sentences where you describe is as something else, like a 'barrier' or 'terrible boundary' work much better. Because this is all a metaphor, right? So this 'wall' doesn't need to constantly be referred to as a 'wall.'

whales = wails (whale is the animal)

Overall, I could see what you were trying to do with this. It is a piece about obstacles and not letting them defeat you. Learning that you can overcome anything and push forward if you change your perspective. This piece felt like just you could have gone deeper with it. It's very one note. Maybe going into a little bit more detail about the narrator. What has gotten them into this position? Why are they hopeless? What changes their mind? Just crying and then stopping crying doesn't really work on it's own. We need to feel the change.

Hope this helps!

Hi Chairywrites,

Mailice here with a short review!

I'm taking the story apart like this so that we have a better overview of everything, because this massive section doesn't allow us to see directly where a section begins and where it ends.

Inexorable. That would be the word I’d use to describe this situation. A giant wall stood between me and…. Well, I don’t know what was on the other side.

But I knew that whatever was on the other side of this wall was something I truly wanted. I needed to get past the wall but I couldn’t. The wall stretched as far as the eye could see. I had no clue what to do. This wall was daunting. It was indestructibly nightmarish. The way it held itself frightened me to no end.

I was exceedingly frustrated with this barrier of unstoppable force. After a while of attempts to get past I could no longer deny the fact that I would never get past this wall. I was as defeated as one could be. I had not a single ounce of resistance left. I sat there, in front of this enormous wall, hugging myself while I wept. This terrible boundary would keep me forever, never allowing me to reach the happy end on the other side. Finally, after a symphony of whales and cries my tears were all gone, dry as a desert that contained no oasis. I could no longer hate as I came to a calm. I realized that watering the ground below and shredding my throat would never get me anywhere.

I had to keep trying to get past this barricade even if I die trying. At this moment I no longer felt fear for this wall, as it was just a minuscule opponent blocking my desire. But when I realized that this curb meant nothing everything faded away. Everything, even the wall, faded but then I was in front of a doorway which led to a room with many people standing up staring expectantly at me. The room was decorated for some kind of party or event. Then I saw him, the man I loved. He was near the other end of the room looking into my eyes. I looked back into his caramel eyes that contained happiness, excitement, but most of all love. I understood now, this wasn’t the happy ending I was hoping for. No, this was the happy beginning I desired. At that, I took my first step to a wonderful future.

Hey! Andrew here for a review! Welcome to the site! I have to say you really embraced the short part of the short story. I'd almost call this a poem in it's metaphorical language and flowy quality. I'd agree with Harry that it feels almost dreamlike. I'd critique your lack of paragraph breaks, but that seems like a part of its strange flow, so I won't say anything there.
I am still trying to figure out exactly what the wall signifies? Or rather, what the wall is keeping back? Adulthood? Joy? Being loved? Death? I admit I find the use of an infinite wall an interesting literary device and metaphor, so you got me there, I love the idea of impassible walls, and all you can do wonder is what is on the other side.
But into specifics.
I like a story that's title is also its first sentence, so that's fun to see, and the feeling of inexorability might truly be the object of the story, forget what's on the other side, just the idea of not being able to get there is the true horror. Which is a horror we've all experienced.

I needed to get past the wall but I couldn’t. The wall stretched as far as the eye could see. I had no clue what to do. This wall was daunting. It was indestructibly nightmarish. The way it held itself frightened me to no end. I was exceedingly frustrated with this barrier of unstoppable force. After a while of attempts to get past I could no longer deny the fact that I would never get past this wall.

I realized that feeling down would never get me anywhere.

At this moment I no longer felt fear for this wall, as it was just a minuscule opponent blocking my desire. But when I realized that this curb meant nothing everything faded away. Everything, even the wall, faded but then I was in front of a doorway which led to a room with many people standing up staring expectantly at me.

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

Anyway let's get right to it,

Inexorable. That would be the word I’d use to describe this situation. A giant wall stood between me and…. Well, I don’t know what was on the other side. But I knew that whatever was on the other side of this wall was something I truly wanted. I needed to get past the wall but I couldn’t. The wall stretched as far as the eye could see. I had no clue what to do. This wall was daunting. It was indestructibly nightmarish. The way it held itself frightened me to no end. I was exceedingly frustrated with this barrier of unstoppable force. After a while of attempts to get past I could no longer deny the fact that I would never get past this wall. I was as defeated as one could be. I had not a single ounce of resistance left. I sat there, in front of this enormous wall, hugging myself while I wept. This terrible boundary would keep me forever, never allowing me to reach the happy end on the other side. Finally, after a symphony of whales and cries my tears were all gone, dry as a desert that contained no oasis. I could no longer hate as I came to a calm. I realized that feeling down would never get me anywhere. I had to keep trying to get past this barricade even if I die trying. At this moment I no longer felt fear for this wall, as it was just a minuscule opponent blocking my desire. But when I realized that this curb meant nothing everything faded away. Everything, even the wall, faded but then I was in front of a doorway which led to a room with many people standing up staring expectantly at me. The room was decorated for some kind of party or event. Then I saw him, the man I loved. He was near the other end of the room looking into my eyes. I looked back into his caramel eyes that contained happiness, excitement, but most of all love. I understood now, this wasn’t the happy ending I was hoping for. No, this was the happy beginning I desired. At that, I took my first step to a wonderful future.